Teaching Job but afraid to identify as a transgender.

[BrittanyNicole]

Hi everyone, I thought I should share some news and in all honesty could really use some advice. I got a call from a school district about a teaching vacancy that I was hoping to get however now that I got offered the job I am unsure if I should let the HR dept know that I am a mtf transgender and am in the process of transitioning. I know that their are laws protecting members of the LGBT community however I don't want to run the risk of losing the job, the biggest obstacle that I am going to encounter is that the job is in a very small town so going out as a woman would prove difficult. Would it be best to let the HR Dept know of my status or should I remain hidden from the public, any advice would be most helpful.

Thanks
Brittany

[Dena]

This is difficult for me to advise you on as one who may have lost two jobs as the result of my transition. My best suggestion is to learn about the school districts policies before making the decision to talk. One consideration is if you don't speak and this blows up in the future, would you be better off seeking a new job then or would you be better off looking for a different one now. If now is the answer, then it would be best having the discussion with HR now.

While you have legal protection, there are many ways to get you out the door without violating that particular part of the law and without leaving finger prints you could use in a court to prove your case. In my case, the reasons they used possible would have hurt my future job prospects should a future employer know them. I was better off not attempting to drag this into court and instead move on with my life looking for another job.

[Micki]

It's one of the most personal choices that someone can make. Personally, I'd gladly mention my true sex/gender. It's always most appropriate and beneficial to be honest and upfront when it comes to dealing with employees and coworkers. There are many factors involved though. Including, whether or not the person owns their own company (then obviously it's a nonissue, other than choosing to disclose that info to customers or clients), how long a person plans to be employed at said company or in that career. If it's a career that I plan on staying in for decades, then certainly, I'd be completely upfront and honest with whomever necessary. If it was a work environment where I'd feel uncomfortable or discriminated, then I wouldn't work there in the first place. Like I said though earlier, it's entirely a personal choice that every person must make for themself.

[Randi]

My recommendation is to get the job.  Later you can transition over Summer break.

It's harder to fire you after you have a good employment track record.  In hiring they don't have to even make any excuses.  They just liked another applicant better. 

[BrittanyNicole]

I am not sure what to do, I could hide the fact but since the town is so small it would be very difficult to go out in public as my true self without anyone noticing. I could drive to the closest town (about 30 min) as myself without any worries but I just think that I should be completely honest with my employer. I plan to transition very slowly and hope to start HRT within the next 6-12 months however I enjoy living as myself on my own time, I am excited about the new job but have been stressing out whether I should inform the district once I sign my contract in a few days.

[alex82]

I am not sure what to do, I could hide the fact but since the town is so small it would be very difficult to go out in public as my true self without anyone noticing. I could drive to the closest town (about 30 min) as myself without any worries but I just think that I should be completely honest with my employer. I plan to transition very slowly and hope to start HRT within the next 6-12 months however I enjoy living as myself on my own time, I am excited about the new job but have been stressing out whether I should inform the district once I sign my contract in a few days.

Won't that really annoy them? As if you've trapped them under false pretenses? It's not a way to get off to a great start with new colleagues - by basically signaling in a huge way that you don't trust them.

I agree it makes no difference to your competency, and if you're hired, you're hired, and that how it should remain until or unless you do something in breach of the contract.

But if it's a small town, I don't know. It might become difficult for you. And if you have to find another job, you'll have this 'false pretenses' thing possibly hanging over the question of your honesty.

Can't you approach the head teacher or the council directly and say, look, this is what's happening, and I'm really keen to do this job. Can I prove myself to you, or do I have to look for something else? They might appreciate that as an honest approach and give you more credit for doing it alongside the interview.

I know that if I was recruiting (I have done) I'd want someone to be completely upfront with me about who they were and what they planned, and to trust that I would still see them as best for the role on the basis of their qualities and qualifications. If I gave them a job, and as soon as their signature was dry, they turned round and said 'actually...', I'd be highly irritated, looking for the next reasonable excuse to get shot, no matter how much I'd liked them personally beforehand.

[barbie]

It is a tricky question. As people become educated better on ->-bleeped-<-, nowadays it is easier to get a job. But still there many obstacles and stereotypes. People are so diverse. A gradual approach would be better.

In my case, I started to wear skirt everyday in the campus and during the class after I secured my tenure position 2 years ago. Before that, I sometimes wore skirt during the class, too. Students are very flexible and open-minded as they are young. Aged people make all kinds of fuss, as they believe they should preserve something even they do not know about clearly.

barbie~~

[BrittanyNicole]

It is a tricky question. As people become educated better on ->-bleeped-<-, nowadays it is easier to get a job. But still there many obstacles and stereotypes. People are so diverse. A gradual approach would be better.

In my case, I started to wear skirt everyday in the campus and during the class after I secured my tenure position 2 years ago. Before that, I sometimes wore skirt during the class, too. Students are very flexible and open-minded as they are young. Aged people make all kinds of fuss, as they believe they should preserve something even they do not know about clearly.

barbie~~

Thanks for the advice, I am not really sure what to do. I am going to bring up the subject at my scheduled meeting next week and hope for the best. At the interview I didn't think it was necessary to bring up my status as I wanted the focus to be on my experience and knowledge instead of my gender. The district spent 2 years trying to find a candidate for the position since no qualified person applied so I knew the job would be offered based on my skills and background. Now I have to make a tough decision on whether to reveal my gender status or keep it hidden.

I am not going to present myself at work as a female but want the district to know of my gender status and to assure the district that it will not affect the quality of my work. I guess I am going to have to think really hard if this is something that I should do.

[barbie]

Thanks for the advice, I am not really sure what to do. I am going to bring up the subject at my scheduled meeting next week and hope for the best. At the interview I didn't think it was necessary to bring up my status as I wanted the focus to be on my experience and knowledge instead of my gender. The district spent 2 years trying to find a candidate for the position since no qualified person applied so I knew the job would be offered based on my skills and background. Now I have to make a tough decision on whether to reveal my gender status or keep it hidden.

I am not going to present myself at work as a female but want the district to know of my gender status and to assure the district that it will not affect the quality of my work. I guess I am going to have to think really hard if this is something that I should do.

Your gender status is not directly related with the quality of your work. It is a personal and private issue that you do not need to actively reveal or defend. Should you reveal your sexual orientation or marital history for your job? I do not think so.

barbie~~

[Micki]

If you are serious about your career and if you are serious about who you are and how you present yourself, then again, I recommend honesty and transparency. If this is a career and a place where you have an interest at staying for a long time and making a career out of it, establishing relationships and such, do the honourable thing and be open and honest, for it's much more rewarding and everyone will be more comfortable. I'm not the type to parade and advertise, and that's not what I'm suggesting. However, what I'm suggesting is that you don't hide yourself or play games either. It's important to make longterm decisions and choices due to the type of career you are choosing.

[Micki]

Don't confuse sex with sexual orientation, for they are entirely two different things. This obviously has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality, it's about matters relating to sex and gender, and how you present yourself in a professional employment environment. If you want to be respected and taken seriously and have a positive relationship with your employees in a lifelong career, then do the correct thing and be open and honest with them. It's rewarding. I'm confident that you'll be thankful that you did.

[BrittanyNicole]

Don't confuse sex with sexual orientation, for they are entirely two different things. This obviously has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality, it's about matters relating to sex and gender, and how you present yourself in a professional employment environment. If you want to be respected and taken seriously and have a positive relationship with your employees in a lifelong career, then do the correct thing and be open and honest with them. It's rewarding. I'm confident that you'll be thankful that you did.

Thank you for the advice, I had similar thoughts and after much thinking I am going to discuss my status with the HR dept. As I mentioned in previous responses, I want the district to be aware of my status instead of finding out from another source (gossip spreads like wildfire where I live) I would rather have the HR dept and my supervisor know that I am transitioning instead of having surprises pop up.

I am in no way ashamed of who I am and would gladly present myself in my true form but would rather transition slowly and have the district know what is going on in the event that a parent or student has questions.

[Micki]

I'm really happy for you and you're very welcome. Like pretty much every other thing that we have to make choices with regarding transsexualism, career is just yet again another one of those difficult things. Like pretty much every other aspect to our daily routine, if we truly want happiness and to live in reality and contentment, we have no other choice but to tune everything else out and just do our own thing. I understand that we all have responsibilities and loved ones whom we care about and much put first ahead of ourselves sometimes, but if we do not live authentically, then we deny ourselves and those around us the opportunity to enjoy a fulfilled relationship. Secondary to that, such as in your case, dishonesty and clandestineness can and almost always will lead to many unneccesary and very easily avoidable problems, such as losing out on awesome career opportunities and such. Sometimes, true, indeed, it's kind of a neutral situation, where it's not at all necessary or even a good idea to disclose sex or gender; but with most things, it's always best to at the very least not hide who we really are. I'd never recommend flaunting who you are and acting brash, regardless of what your sex is, unless of course that is just your natural personality. It really just comes down to the old cliche: just be yourself. Enjoy your new career and fellow employees, quietly and casually discuss things with them when you find the correct opportunity to do so, preferably as soon as possible but still at the correct time and place. Make sure in your own mind to have the attitude of: act like you've been there. Then also understand that this forthcoming kind of attitude is for others yet still a million times more for yourself. In other words, you're benefiting and doing yourself the favour so much more than for anyone else. Loadsa luck on your new ventures and experiences! Many Cheers!