Decent representation of being in the incorrect body

[karenpayneoregon]

Many in the community will relate to this image which seems like a decent representation of being trapped in the wrong physical body and thought it was worth sharing. I could easily relate to this visual prior to transitioning.

[Maybebaby56]

I love it!  Thanks for sharing.

~Terri

[BeverlyAnn]

Thank you, Karen.  That is a great representation.

[Michelle_P]

The first month of spiro has me in an odd state, with all my emotions running right on the surface.

I saw that and started crying.

Yes, it's a good visual representation.

[Michelle_P]

Thanks, Karen.

I saved a copy, and after a discussion with my therapist I'm going to use this image in a little family discussion.

I'm selfish...

I just want you to know how I feel.  Since I was seven years old, for over fifty-five years I've locked myself away in a prison of my own devising, to meet our cultures requirements and please everyone.  Doing this has broken me.

Every week, for a few hours I let myself out of my cell, to move as myself to necessary appointments.  Every time, I return home, step back into my cell, and slam the door shut on myself, weeping in the darkness.

Yes, I'm so selfish...

[CarlyMcx]

I almost cried when I saw that.  That is exactly how I saw myself back in the fall of 2014 after I overcame years of denial and finally realized what was what.  I broke out a few months later...

[V]

Huh, that image made me cry, it's really powerful if you've been there.

[WarGrowlmon1990]

I remember seeing that one on my facebook feed. Some days I just wanna be out of the prison cell and be myself around everyone. But social anxiety and my financial situation among other things are keeping me caged. I can't even comment on most facebook trans pages in fears of how certain family members will react.

[Geeker]

OMG! That's precisely how I feel ~95% of the time. Like the real me is trapped within the façade that is the person people expect and believe they know.

[Beth Andrea]

So true.

[Deborah]

My prison cell was dark, and had no window.  But that picture captures the emotion very well.

[Michelle_P]

I used the image to try and bring about a family discussion, with interesting results.

My daughter (age 25, lives with us) said that she'd been told I was being selfish.  (That would have come from my wife, as she's the only other person in our family circle who knows about my nature.)  I explained to her that this upset me, because every time I've been out, dressed, and going to my appointments, I still come home, get back in that cell, and slam the door shut on myself.  I do this for them, not myself, as I'd love to be out.  I'm deliberately locking myself away to avoid causing them discomfort.

My daughter was uncomfortable with this, and brought it up with my wife.  The next day, my wife and daughter sat down on the sofa across from me.  My wife said that since I had encouraged them to ask me anything, she had a question for me: "If you want to be a woman, why are you still here?"

Oh, here we go.  "I'm still here because I love you two, and I care for you.  I don't want to leave you."  She shifted the subject, commenting that my discussion with our adult daughter had made my daughter uncomfortable, and she would rather I hadn't done that.  I told my daughter directly that if something makes her uncomfortable she should just say so, or change the subject.  I will understand.  Then my daughter asked my wife, "But what about what he said?  How do you feel about him?"  (Yeah, constantly misgendered. But, I was cross-dressed as male as required by them.)  My wife responded that she still loved me.

That's about where we left it.  The subject hasn't resurfaced in the past few days.  Still, it's a start.  This was the first time either of them had initiated a conversation on the subject.

Small steps...