What being trans* feels like...

[kathb31]

Ciara really hits the mark with me also.
Every day is a challenge and some days I just feel hopeless and down.
I try to do little things to make myself feel better. Like a new piece
of jewelry or some new clothes. Tiny little signs of encouragement
from the people around me make an incredible difference. If I am
gendered right it makes me shine and being called sir makes me sink.
Today is a good day since I met and talked with a next-door neighbor
and she was warm and kind.

Kath

[V]

Yes, it's those little things, sometimes, that are the most important.

[j-unique]

I can support the "not feeling aligned with a strictly gender-segregated cisgender society". For me, there are two components:

The body and the desire to make it more "fitting", but this is not related to the gender role; and the gender role, which is not necessarily related to the body. In my case, I had both the desire to change some properties of my body, and I couldn't live with the male gender role anymore. The problem is that I'm not female either, so it ends up being an alien who doesn't fit in gender-segregated spaces. So I avoid those absurd spaces whenever possible.

It makes communication more difficult (pronouns etc.), but it also gives a chance to see and learn things most people are not aware of.

Personally, it also means discovering the true self and learning to question social behavior models, especially in relation to gender. There are problems which came with it (I knew it since I was in my twenties, funnily enough I didn't enjoy playing with pink dolls as a child, but assumed the role which I was assigned without resistance), but it can also make much more happy when you realize that your body is truly yours, and when you can feel the inner freedom of not having to play a certain gender role, but just to be yourself.

[Drexy/Drex]

Growing up, I never fit in with the boys.  I was always the last to be picked for team sports.  I always envied the girls.

As an adult, the same pattern continued.  I have never felt comfortable in groups of men.  I was always the outsider.  The men were mostly interested in alcohol, gasoline, guns, and making off-colour remarks about women.  I always longed for a kinder, gentler way of life.

Any time I saw a pretty woman, I would be green with envy.  But of course, as a man, I was not permitted to socialize with women other than for dating or matrimonial purposes.  It bothered the hell out of me that, at the community coffee gatherings, I had to sit at the men's end of the table and listen to them talk about boring men's stuff.

One of the nicest things about coming out to my wife and having her blessing is to be able to sit at the women's end of the table and not give a hoot what the men think.  I can go shopping for women's clothes now (while still in male mode - I am not publicly out yet) without feeling self-conscious.

i can really identify with that ....sucks cept i'm not blessed with a wonderful partner like you have
i work with predominately male work force out in the desert for weeks on end ....i escape by going to the gym in my spare time 

[Drexy/Drex]

i,m not sure i even qualify for a statement on this .....but for me in my present state I've felt like a spectator not a participant never felt like one of the guys , though i prefer woman a couple of times I've been in the presence of men ..who well made me feel like a female its the strangest feeling ,
some times its just like your a submarine trawling deep  and then some ad for female clothing or a comment from some stranger pings you like a sonar and you feel like you've been discovered ..over the years i have developed a really good poker face .... not to flinch to eye those summer dresses so surreptitiously, i thought i was gay for a good while but guys don't  do it for me i,m not physically attracted or emotionally to them although as per  my previous statement there's been a couple of times i felt female in their presence ,maybe that might change but emotionally woman is how i connect
for me at this time its a new realization though there have been indicators for a long time i just ignored them and led my programmed life , but now it is like there is some one buried inside of me imprisoned chipping away  through the wall so faint but so real ...trying to break free it is so confusing but i,m not ignoring this time if i can i will make it happen 
in the last few years there has been so much openness on the media that i could finally get a bearing as to where i was at
this is a bit off topic as below

i have an odd question i'm very masculine looking and with a good body but every now and again i get masculine lesbian woman scoping me out i just don't  get it ? are they reading me ,can they see something in me i cant see. why would they even notice me ? its been perplexing me for years any comments welcome    

[SanaRinomi]

For me, being transsexual...

1) My male parts creep me out. That's a fact. I'm creeped out by them. They feel so wrong on every level.

2) I have an extreme envy when it comes to women and their bodies, because I've always wanted to have breasts and a working female reproducton organ.

3) I've always been ok with men and/or women around me. That doesn't really affect me in any sort of way.

4) When I'm hiding my identity and I'm with friends (mostly male but the are females ) at the shops, I have to force my self to not go looking at every bit of makeup I see or rummage through the clothes. Making me depressed once we're out of the shops.

5) When I'm myself, I go though everything in the shops for stuff I like.

6) I'm extremelly self-concious about body image.

7) I can't go full time where I live because of reasons. I supress the urge with me being myself online. Helps alot!

8 ) Generally while hiding and not online I get depressed because I don't feel like myself.

                                                                                Love, Sarina!

[KathyLauren]

i have an odd question i'm very masculine looking and with a good body but every now and again i get masculine lesbian woman scoping me out i just don't  get it ? are they reading me ,can they see something in me i cant see. why would they even notice me ? its been perplexing me for years any comments welcome    

In my experience, "gaydar" will sometimes pick up on trans folks.  I have no idea what they are picking up on. Obviously it is out of calibration, because they read us as gay, not as trans

[Kylo]

At best it feels like being a spectator in your own life.

At worst it feels like a very small prison cell, and you're a lifer. I pretty much have a prison mentality thanks to this thing. It's going to take some time to fix.

[Drexy/Drex]

In my experience, "gaydar" will sometimes pick up on trans folks.  I have no idea what they are picking up on. Obviously it is out of calibration, because they read us as gay, not as trans

Wow i never thought about it like that ..that makes a lot of sense thanks Kathy