Dysphoric Trans Teen Without Parent's Support

[TheDismalRainbow]

Hello! First of all, I'm pretty new here and this is my first post, so if I break any rules or guidelines, please let me know and I'll be happy to do something about it.

So, I'm going to make a very long story short. I'm a teen who is still in high school, and I have really bad dysphoria. When my dad found out I was trans a few months ago (He read one of my private journals because he had noticed me seeming a lot more sad lately, the dysphoria), he didn't take it well, and although I don't think it was officially conversion therapy, I'm pretty sure he took me to a therapist to try to make me realize I'm not trans (unsuccesfully, haha). He hasn't been very supportive since then (I was the one who suggested therapy to 'sort out my feelings' and to hopefully see what I can do about getting hormones. After a while, I said, 'I think I'm not trans. I don't need therapy anymore' and we stopped). I've asked him about going to a different therapist since then, one that may be more accepting, but I don't think he's taking any initiative to do that since it was about a month ago and he hasn't spoken about it at all. I'm very, very sure I'm trans. Also, though, I get really bad dysphoria, to the point where I sometimes harm myself. I've wanted to do something, anything, to make me feel more like a woman, but I'm not gonna get any help from my dad, and I don't know if the place I live would be very accepting of me in general. So, basically, what I'm asking is: Is there anything I can do to either A) get some sort of treatment, either through my dad or not, B) Lessen the dysphoria so that I can manage it until I can move away to college and transition there, or C) Do anything else. Anything. This is beginning to be a problem that consumes me and anything that I can do may help. Is there anything I can do, or is this just a problem I have to learn to deal with? Really any advice anyone has to give would be more than greatly appreciated. Thank you. 

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. There appears to be no easy solution to what you are facing. The type of therapist you require is a gender therapist and they tend to be available locally or by Skype session if you are really remote. Lacking any form of therapy, the only option you have available is distraction. Keeping yourself interested in something can block the dysphoria but it will return in the idle moments.

When you to get the proper therapy, depending on your age, you would get partial or full HRT. Partial would consist of a testosterone blocker that would reduce the dysphoria you experience. Full HRT would add estrogen and start you on the road to a transition. After you reach the age of 18 you are considered an adult and you may make your own decision on this depending on the available of money for treatment.

You might consider contacting your local LGBT center and they may have some help available. On thing I have is a letter that may or may not be useful that you will find here.

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[TheDismalRainbow]

Thank you so much for replying so quickly. I read your letter, and I think it is really helpful. I'm going to consider showing that to my father, and hopefully he'll take this a bit more... seriously. I really do appreciate the input. If distraction is the best thing I can do right now, then I'll be sure to take my mind off of it until I can really get things sorted out. Again, thank you . This has given me a good direction of where I need to go and what I need to do.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I am sorry you are living through this. It can be very tough for parents to face the notion that their child is not who they thought they were.

There are little things you can do to feel more feminine. Painting nails seems to be a popular one. If you have to keep it hidden, try toenails. You could also get involved in female dominated activities, like knitting clubs or female sports like field hockey. Just my thoughts.

Also, maybe your parent would be amenable to you going on T blockers to be 'on the safe side' since I'm sure they are thinking you will wake up one day and not really be trans. Explain that further masculinization will only lead to the hard life they are imagining for you and the safest thing is to block puberty hormones until you're older. If it turns out it was all a big mistake, masculinization with T at 18 or 21 is pretty darn effective, no worries. But if you ARE trans and T changes really set in, that will make your life so much more challenging, and does your dad really want to be responsible for that?

IDK if that argument will work or not but it's worth a try.

[Katy]

I would urge you to seek help asap.  A good place to begin would be to speak to a school counselor.  In addition to being someone you can go to whenever you are anxious, they also may be able to connect you with other individuals who are better suited to help you work through what you thinking and feeling.  Secondly, schedule a physical exam with your family doctor and during the course of the exam share with your doctor what's going in your life.  Your family physician may be able to connect you with individuals who can help you get through the rough patches.  Don't simply retreat to your bedroom and close the door hoping the concerns you have will go away.  Seek help!  Seek it soon!  Share the burden you are feeling with people who are in position to either help directly or who can connect you with people can help.  Be safe. 

[DawnOday]

Hello! First of all, I'm pretty new here and this is my first post, so if I break any rules or guidelines, please let me know and I'll be happy to do something about it.

So, I'm going to make a very long story short. I'm a teen who is still in high school, and I have really bad dysphoria. When my dad found out I was trans a few months ago (He read one of my private journals because he had noticed me seeming a lot more sad lately, the dysphoria), he didn't take it well, and although I don't think it was officially conversion therapy, I'm pretty sure he took me to a therapist to try to make me realize I'm not trans (unsuccesfully, haha). He hasn't been very supportive since then (I was the one who suggested therapy to 'sort out my feelings' and to hopefully see what I can do about getting hormones. After a while, I said, 'I think I'm not trans. I don't need therapy anymore' and we stopped). I've asked him about going to a different therapist since then, one that may be more accepting, but I don't think he's taking any initiative to do that since it was about a month ago and he hasn't spoken about it at all. I'm very, very sure I'm trans. Also, though, I get really bad dysphoria, to the point where I sometimes harm myself. I've wanted to do something, anything, to make me feel more like a woman, but I'm not gonna get any help from my dad, and I don't know if the place I live would be very accepting of me in general. So, basically, what I'm asking is: Is there anything I can do to either A) get some sort of treatment, either through my dad or not, B) Lessen the dysphoria so that I can manage it until I can move away to college and transition there, or C) Do anything else. Anything. This is beginning to be a problem that consumes me and anything that I can do may help. Is there anything I can do, or is this just a problem I have to learn to deal with? Really any advice anyone has to give would be more than greatly appreciated. Thank you. 

You didn't say where you live so it is hard to refer resources.  A web search will direct you to a gender social club/ gender advocate in your area. In Tacoma Wa it is the Rainbow club. Unfortunately rural areas away from population centers generally don't have much. There is a resource page on Susan's Wiki. The way I would handle it if my son decided he would like to investigate is give him all the support I could muster.  Also there is a forum for parents and significant others on this blog. If all else fails I have seen postings for online therapy. One of the problems I see is like the town of Bakersfield where you would more than likely find Religious fanatics /therapists to change your mind. I also saw a lot of referrals to Planned Parenthood for therapy and if you still have one in your area that may be an avenue to explore.

[WarGrowlmon1990]

I don't have any advice unfortunately because I'm so early in my social transition, but I know how it feels to have unsupportive parents in high school. Back in high school when I wanted surgery and hormones, my parents basically shoved me back into the closet and told me that I'd ruin everyones' lives and their reputations if I were to go through it, and that they'd never pay for any of it. Them reacting the way they did caused me to go through ten years of denial because they told me that trans people are only people who have already had surgery on top of hormones (I think this lie is the biggest one that causes trans people to lie to themselves). If you're unable to get through to a proper therapist until you've moved away, stay true to yourself and try distracting yourself in the meantime. I'm now on a five month waiting list to see someone and so far distracting myself is the only thing that helps with the dysphoria. Posting on this forum and talking to other trans people has helped tremendously.