Quote from: JMJW on August 08, 2016, 01:23:48 PM
I've liked my body's conditioning on rare occasion.
Besides that, I never did like it.
This is pretty near to what I have felt.* In high school, playing soccer, hockey, and baseball kept me in fantastic condition, and I was thoroughly happy with how fit and strong I was. It was wonderful being in excellent shape. However, I've never really found myself attractive (probably largely because I have a very average face), and that's part of the reason I worked so hard to be in such excellent shape.
Lately, I've found that I've become envious of women I see. If I see a woman I find attractive (I am confident that I am attracted to women), there's a part of me that looks at her with attraction, and another part that looks at her with longing to have a body like that. But I have yet to determine how much of this is some odd sexual desire and how much is me just wanting to have a feminine body. I've begun to think that it may be both, but I'm still piecing things together. I've also often seen a woman wearing something I thought was pretty, and wished I could go out in public wearing things like that. Since I don't like drawing attention to myself, going out looking like a man wearing a dress is not an option I am willing to consider, so I often wish I had a female body for that reason.
Likewise, I've recently become more ambivalent about my body. I still try, somewhat half-heartedly, to keep it in decent shape. But my daily life is currently focusing on academic pursuits and my post-college job search.
*I don't currently identify as transgender; I'm still figuring myself out. I'm an AMAB, and I've more or less settled that I am at least non-binary.
