voice dysphoria holding me back

[shininglemonhead]

upon entering my senior year after the summer it is pretty logical I'm looking into schools I want to enter after graduation, right? There's only one small problem; the thing I love doing the most is also the one I'm scared of the most. Singing.
It's been my biggest passion my whole life but I simply can't stand hearing my own voice; not because I have a horribly out of tune one. But a voice that's clearly not that of a man :/ it's become so bad lately I stopped singing in the shower and walked out off my first and only jam-session after using a mic. AND I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.

I'm on a waiting list for a gender clinic and they should approach me in three months. Pretty sure that if the timing's right and the process there goes smoothly I could be on t next year and do audition with an, at least slightly, lower voice.
But for now that's not the case.

I'm not really asking for tips or anything because it should all work out. But I just wanted to say that if anyone is also holding themselves back in fear of the dysphoria overwhelming them, you're not alone in this and we're trying together to make something of this currently-->-bleeped-<-ty situation.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I work with voice going the other way and my starting point was so low that you wouldn't want it as the range was all on the bottom end. I have a suggestion for you and that is for you to work with the chest voice. It may not hit the masculine range but it might be low enough to help with the discomfort. As for testosterone, the results might not be as expected. Not everybody ends up with a great voice(like me) and there could be a period where your voice breaks and may not be usable for singing. Pre puberty my father though I should consider singing for a profession. After puberty it was never again mentioned.

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[shininglemonhead]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I work with voice going the other way and my starting point was so low that you wouldn't want it as the range was all on the bottom end. I have a suggestion for you and that is for you to work with the chest voice. It may not hit the masculine range but it might be low enough to help with the discomfort. As for testosterone, the results might not be as expected. Not everybody ends up with a great voice(like me) and there could be a period where your voice breaks and may not be usable for singing. Pre puberty my father though I should consider singing for a profession. After puberty it was never again mentioned.

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yes, I am well aware of the chest voice, I've had excellent vocal training for a few years.

I wouldn't be too upset if my voice did't get much deeper, even just a bit more masculine would be a ginormous weight of my shoulders.

[Asche]

I'm going the other way (M2F), but I went to a session at the Phila. conference on transition and singing.  The presenter didn't show (a frequent problem this year), but there were something like 50-100 people who came to the session, most of them F2Ms, many of them trained singers.

The main thing they kept saying was: during transition, i.e., as the T starts to take effect, you have to keep your vocal training up.  Apparently it makes a big difference in your ability to sing once T has done all it's going to do to your voice.

(Unfortunately, taking E and suppressing T doesn't change your voice back.  I'd love to sing soprano, or even to have a proper alto vocal quality.  Oh, well, at least I'm a tenor and not a bass.)