I can't date anyone because of my dysphoria

[howaboutno]

So... I'm 23 years old, ftm and almost 2 years on testosterone... and normally I don't get a lot of dysphoria because my body has changed a lot, got more muscles, body hair, my chest is pretty much flat... and my genitalia doesn't bother me unless I think about sex and dating :l

I've always told my therapist that I don't date because I'm not interested/the university leaves very little time for anything other than studying... I just avoid talking about this (also I have a new therapist because the one I had first moved to another country...)

Between 2011 and 2013 I tried dating a couple of girls and it didn't work because I couldn't handle this... and now it's been 3 years since that :l sometimes I feel like I should just forget about sex and dating and just be happy but I have a rather high libido so...

[WolfNightV4X1]

Well...bad advice but there's always yourself to keep you company regarding the, uh, high libido. Even further still is unless youre looking for only a relationship to be intimate with another person to help with those urges, I know a lot of people wouldnt mind trying to be with a transman out of curiosity or interest.

Aside from the physical aspects of wanting intimacy, I find what simply works is just not seeking it out as much, just opening your mind to friendships and leaving all else out. Odds are you might just find the way you are to seemingly force you into celibacy as is, but if you focus on friendships deeper relationships come with time, and sometimes it may surprise you how many people open up to you and care about you.

What's worked for me is just knowing the community I hang out in and my group of friends, they all tend to be gay or bi or accepting of me. Not only that if you fin companionship in another who is also trans, they may relate to your struggled completely and that might a relationship in the making.

[Heita]

Gorgeous piece of advice by WolfNightV4X1, I totally second that.

Keep in mind that while you might see yourself in a negative light because of dysphoria, usually people see us in a less punishing way. Maybe you need to find people who accept you and don't question your gender regardless of your looks, among them there will be someone who is also attracted by you, gender and all!

[CMD042414]

I don't know why but I am not too dysphoric when it comes to my genitals. Don't get me wrong I want phallo yesterday. I'm guessing a large part of the reason that sexual contact with another makes you feel this way is because being pleasured with your current equipment makes you feel feminine and emasculated. When I was a butch lesbian I felt that way. In my mind if I had a vagina and I was made to feel good with that vagina then that meant I was a lady. Post transition I've been better with that ironically.

I don't look at my junk as something that is womanly because it is attached to me, a man. I have the manliest vag ever created. If I'm with a woman she can explore my body fully and please me as the man I am. It's very freeing once you can get there, too. I've found women that are attracted to you FOR WHO YOU ARE get off on how comfortable you can be with your factory installed hardware.

Clitoral growth on T helps because you can receive oral in a similar manner as a cis guy. I told an FtM guy once to try standing up when receiving oral. Being prone on your back and all may feel emasculating. Might be TMI but when you vocally react to being pleasured notice that you sound like a man. Maybe take charge sexually and control the moment which is generally what a guy does.

Good luck to you.

[TrojanMan]

Have you tried using prosthetics in bed before? I just saw a review of the RealDoe, which is a harness-free prosthetic which also has a part that rubs against your growth. I've never used it but it looks like a great idea because ive never been crazy about having to wear a harness. I've also found that there are numerous pan, bi, or queer in general women who think our ftm junk is great. I think that finding a person like this who is very sex positive and open minded will help you feel more comfortable get some experience.

[TrojanMan]

  This is great advice especially the second paragraph

I've found women that are attracted to you FOR WHO YOU ARE get off on how comfortable you can be with your factory installed hardware.

Clitoral growth on T helps because you can receive oral in a similar manner as a cis guy. I told an FtM guy once to try standing up when receiving oral. Being prone on your back and all may feel emasculating. Might be TMI but when you vocally react to being pleasured notice that you sound like a man. Maybe take charge sexually and control the moment which is generally what a guy does.

[KarlMars]

Well...bad advice but there's always yourself to keep you company regarding the, uh, high libido. Even further still is unless youre looking for only a relationship to be intimate with another person to help with those urges, I know a lot of people wouldnt mind trying to be with a transman out of curiosity or interest.

Aside from the physical aspects of wanting intimacy, I find what simply works is just not seeking it out as much, just opening your mind to friendships and leaving all else out. Odds are you might just find the way you are to seemingly force you into celibacy as is, but if you focus on friendships deeper relationships come with time, and sometimes it may surprise you how many people open up to you and care about you.

What's worked for me is just knowing the community I hang out in and my group of friends, they all tend to be gay or bi or accepting of me. Not only that if you fin companionship in another who is also trans, they may relate to your struggled completely and that might a relationship in the making.

This is how I start friendships. Sex can lead to deeper friendships. Better advice than you think.