Quote from: Elis on August 17, 2016, 06:45:17 AM
I'm at a stage were i pretty much pass now am generally liking the way I look. But at the same time I'm having trouble distinguishing the difference between 'normal discomfort' (the kind were I'm unhappy with what I'm wearing because of how people perceive me or how I feel I look) and dysphoria.
For example I normally just wear masculine style tshirts but recently started feeling uncomfortable when I look in the mirror because I'm quite fem and feel that my clothes don't mirror that. I'd like to buy some more feminine style clothes but I'm worried that I'll either feel dysphoric wearing them or discomfort because it wouldn't look 'right' on me. If it's discomfort it'll probably go away the more I wear said clothes but if it's dysphoria I could constantly be wearing those clothes and yet have no change in how I feel; which would suck.
As for my hair I have an undercut with a fringe and recently had my fringe cut shorter because it was getting to 5 inches long and starting to look messy. While in the chair I was thinking of the mtf posts on here about how they felt upset whenever they had their hair cut short which is similar to how I felt. Not sure if it's because I missed my long hair or because it took me so long to grow . I never thought I'd want long hair again because it's more hassle plus I thought it'll look too fem but now I'm considering it. Yet at the same time I worry it'll cause me dysphoria or cause me discomfort at how I'm perceived. I could start growing my hair out and feel either one of these things and decide to cut my hair again and regret it.
I wish I could just wear what I want without constantly worrying and over analyzing how I feel. I used to like my clothes and short hair but now I just don't as much.
I know this probably doesn't make much or any sense but had ti get it out.
Yeah, I kinda feel ya here. I mean, I don't know what it's like to be on hormones yet and achieve passing the way you probably do. But I know the feeling about wanting to incorporate some effeminate aspects to your appearance. Like I was telling one of my close online trans friends that I would like to wear black lipstick, eye shadow and black nail polish with a top that promiscuously reveals part of my chest because sometimes I just wanna dress really sexy. But I still want to be identified as a man. And I don't think I would if I dressed like that, especially now without any testosterone. :/
That would just be counterproductive to the whole "passing-as-a-dude" thing. I get kinda jealous of cis men who easily are able to get away with this, like Prince and Michael Jackson did. I snicker to myself when I am watching anime and I see a fem-looking male character appear on-screen and like all the other characters easily identify him as a man. And I say to myself, "It would never be that way in real life." Like yeah, I totally feel you. Sometimes, though I don't think I am serious here, but I do wish I could put on a dress and still be seen as a guy. I mean it's so dumb how women can go around in a fully tailored suit and be accepted as a woman before a man could ever be accepted as a man in a dress.
