Even though I plan on doing a lot of lurking and reading before opening my e-mouth to post anything I thought putting out a little info might be good for anyone wondering who am I and what do I want here (should I post).
I'm 23 years old, currently attending college full time, and have always felt a disconnect between my body's so-called gender and who I feel I am.
When I was a child I did not know about being transgendered, the world was full of boys or girls and I was just some unfinished piece. Later, as a young teen, when I learned about the term transgender I thought it meant people born physically between genders, so I thought that (transgender) couldn't be me because my body was whole, it was the intangible stuff which made me me that was not complete or matched that body.
Throughout High School I remember asking many friends if they thought I was more a guy or a gal and just, what was I? Because I thought I had to be one or the other, maybe someone else would know which one since I didn't. And they mostly dismissed my distress or ignored me, they were not purposely trying to hurt me but every single time I sincerely asked for help I got left feeling stupid...again.
So now, I find myself on a website trying to educate myself by seeing how others have lived and thought and felt. First things first you gotta set up your profile, I see that little gender icon to choose and I don't want to pick anything because then I'm stuck being one or the other. There is something so awesome when I find a new forum and begin to post, make friends, it seems like most of the people drawn to me are male who just want to bond with another guy. Then I don't want to lie, though I question if it is really a lie, so I tell them I am a gal. I hate it. It's the truth in part but it feels like a lie as well. Lying is abhorrent yet I lie every day with how I dress, act, or any other small life detail.
I guess the one thing I would name that I want and hope this site can help me to attain is to explore what transgender is and if I can find a way to be myself, at last.
