I think I might be a trans-girl...

[PrincessCrystal]

Hi everyone.

So, this is a very uncomfortable subject that I'm just now trying to come to to terms with.  I've been thinking about it for a while, and I'm realizing that I really need to deal with this as soon as possible.

To tell you a bit about myself, I'm a 25 year old computer scientist, musician, and business owner, but I consider myself an artist first and foremost.  I've been aware of Trans issues for about a decade due to my own LGBT and Civil Rights activism.  I have some serious issues, including C-PTSD from child abuse (part of what makes me uncomfortable with my own answers), and thus I'm very into Punk art and subculture.  I've more recently been treated for dissociation, and it's dredged up my repressed love for all things soft, pretty, and generally girly.  I've also been aware that I've wanted to be a girl for several years now.

I'm worried that I might be transgendered.  I'm trying to figure out if it's that, or if maybe I'm just Autogynephilic, a crossdresser, or a confused Androgynous male.  If I'm actually transgendered, then I feel like I need to start taking steps to transition before I get any older and it gets harder.  If not, then I probably shouldn't be pursuing HRT right now.  I might be on the impatient, but I'm 25, and (no offense) I don't want to be one of those transwomen who doesn't really transition until most of their life is behind them.  Right now, this is something I've thought about for years, but (stupid me) never really pursued...

I was hoping that maybe asking around some transgender support groups would give me some of the insight I feel like I desperately need: most of the people I know are pretty accepting, but none of them really have any perspective on it, and most of them are generally uncomfortable with the idea of me potentially transitioning, so I can't ask "is this normal?"  I'm hoping that being here will help.

So... That's me for now.  I guess I'll be posting a bit more on myself later...

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Autogynephilic is a term we don't use on this site because it was a false theory that was disproved a long time ago and has caused much harm to other people. As for what you are, we really can't say as that is for you to decide. A gender therapist would be a good place to start and our links section contains some but one might be located through your local LGBT center as well. I am going to give you two links that might help you in your search. The first is our WIKI that will define in detail the terms that might apply to you. The other is "the transition channel" that will explore transsexualism in more detail. Feel free to ask question on this thread and we will do our best to answer them.

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[Jacqueline]

Welcome to the site.

I'm with Dena on the Gender therapist. You may be in therapy but most are not ready to work in that realm. It is a challenge to help guide one through all the doubts and fears and occasionally self loathing.

Some would suggest that just by having the thought and visiting this site, you are likely transgender. That may be a little overly simplified. However, it is true that while most cis folks have thought about being the opposite sex almost none wonder if they are transgender.

Hope you are able to get to this soon. I am one of those who did not start my journey till 50(that you spoke of). But it is really never too late to start as long as it is your true self you are seeking-oooh so deep.

Truly, thanks for sharing such personal information. It is not easy.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey, wherever it takes you.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Sno]

Hello PrincessCrystal, welcome to Susan's.

Your dilemma and fears are common to many. In fact it is generally fear that drives us to prove to ourselves that we are not what our innate sense of self says we are.

I second, third fourth and fifth seeing a gender therapist, to explore your thinking, but I would also suggest being gentle on yourself, these are big questions, and not to be hurried, and don't put pressure on yourself, to make a decision, right now. Somethings can wait a while, and in the mean time, you can surround yourself with a world of cute/cuddly and fluffy...

Warmest regards,

Sno

[V M]

Hi 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[PrincessCrystal]

Thanks for the welcoming responses!

I want to clarify something: I talked to my psychologist / PTSD-therapist, who HAS EXPERIENCE with gender issues, about this today.  I'd brought it up in a previous session, but said I wanted to "get more data for analysis" before really trying to dig into it with him.  We discussed feelings and implications, as well as the fact that there's no definite way of "diagnosing" ->-bleeped-<-, and he gave me some suggestions for things I should try.

In the mean time, I'd like to make a post about why I'm questioning this here to get some input from all of you, as I feel like there's a perspective here I don't otherwise have access to...

[Dena]

We have many members who have some degree of indecisiveness. It's a huge decision and this is one condition where the patient diagnosis the problem and the doctor is only there as a double check. Feel free to post what you feel and the odds are somebody will have felt what you are feeling.

[Amanda_Combs]

I definitely think that the fact that you're questioning means it's worth investigating and trying things.  Also, I find it really interesting that you've started trying to figure this out at 25; because it occurred to me at the same age.  I've always wondered if it is related  to the fact that brain development is completed at 25.  Like maybe your brain feels complete and it could become clear that you're never going to "Become Manly/womanly"  Anyway that's just a thought I had.  Just don't let yourself get stressed over trying to label yourself.  Whatever you do needs to be for you and your comfort.  The best way to know you're trans*?  Do transgender person things and see if it makes you happy.  If it doesn't, you can stop and know that you gave yourself the thought and effort to figure out your needs.  I really hope that helps.  Good luck and welcome to the site!

[PrincessCrystal]

If you want to help, go look at the other thread I made to talk about this in...