Last night I write the following post updating a thread about my father which you can read here
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,213365.msg1889345.html#msg1889345About a week ago I posted that I had outed myself on Facebook. It didn't really matter because someone else also outed me and I received a letter from someone else in NZ that should not have known.
I contacted my Father to explain what happened and that if we as a family want to have any control over the message that people receive then we need to let the Extended Family know. I also told him that this was my responsibility to do it. He got got short with me and was very displeased because he wanted to tell his family about me being trans.
He came back to me and said he had already told a few people but was having difficulty getting a hold of anyone. I asked him what it was that he was telling people, I was annoyed he had gone ahead anyway and spoken to someone. He replied to me and told me what he had been saying to people and I replied immediately that I was unhappy with what he was saying and we needed to talk befoer he spoke to anyone else.
He replied he couldn't talk for 2 days...he used the next 2 days to get a hold of everyone he wanted to and outed me to them. This is after telling me I was on some kind of trans crusade. I was totally devastated yesterday by what my father had done.
This morning at 7am I received a request from my Eldest brother for a Skype...I accepted and then ensued 1.5 hours of me having to defend my every action. I was so upset by it all he had me off kilter for awhile and it took me quite some time to gain my feet back...so I let him back himself into a corner trying to explain how my parents had any right to speak to anyone about my transition before I did. He defended them saying I had agreed to it and when I pointed out that I had shown clear concern for what my father had already told 4 people and asked him not to and my father reaction was to rush out and tell the remaining 6 couple despite knowing I did not want him telling peoiple what he was and also knowing that I didn't think he should be doing it in the first place so he then proceeds to rush through and speak to another 6 couples.
Why? Why did my father have to get in front of me..so my brother argued....In the end I simply shut up and ended the conversation with him. him saying he will speak to my parent and me saying it doesn't matter any more.
and it doesn't
I am not going to excommunicate them, I will make contact but only via email. My brother suggested I should separate my "transness" from the rest of me when I talk to my parents and not bring it up in the conversation.I have decided I can go one better than that
You know it is almost 1 year to the day since I came out to my parents and if you had said to me then that on the anniversary of this date you will be estranged from your parents I would have laughed at you and said...not my parents, not in my life time..but here I sit actually worse off(relationship wise) than I was a year ago.
I am not going to call them, or skype or fly over and visit. I am am going to disappear from their lives for the next 6 months or more and give them as much space, peace and quiet as they can handle.
I promised my partner I was going to take all the wasted emotion and energy and use it to enjoy with her and to also spend the time and energy wasted on them in a productive way toward my Transition.
I have tried, the time for trying is over.
Liz
