Do you feel a part of a bigger community or just completely on your own

[stephaniec]

After a lifetime of being alone with my situation I am finally feeling better about being a part of something bigger. I am slowly becoming  more involved in the community especially since making the The LGBTQ... health clinic my primary care physicians. Just wondering how others relate to the community or do you deal with all the change alone.

[Deborah]

  Right now I'm dealing with it alone due to my town being located in a retrograde universe.  Hopefully, that's about to change.  I'll find out next week anyway.

[KathyLauren]

Well, I am fairly active in my community, both in the fire department and the community association, but I am not out to them yet.  That's going to be "interesting" when the time comes!

Among the people I am out to, I have support from my wife and from my next-door neighbours on one side.  I also go to a trans support group that is an hour and a half drive away.  So I have pretty good support.

[kittenpower]

I certainly feel connected to other trans people, but I'm not involved with my local lgbt community as much as I would like to be.

[stephaniec]

I'm trying   to get my butt to the support group at the LGBTQ... center, but haven't start6ed yet. I do go a lot to the clinic and pic up meds and stuff.

[Lady Sarah]

Where I reside, there are no support groups, and few therapists. There is no "lgbt" community, just some lesbians, and a few gay men ... and me. My only connection is online.

[Athena]

I am always alone. Rough day at work well I had better not vent about it. Once when I had antidepressants trying to force me to commit suicide I basically had the crisis counselor tell me that I wasn't important and that I was selfish for not having empathy for my tormentor. I was there trying to make it through the night without killing myself and the counselor would only talk about my supervisor who was a terrible human being, the only thing that kept me alive that night was anger that in my darkest time when I reached out for help not only was there none but I was effectively called selfish.

There was a time while I was on antidepressants that we were still trying to figure out what was going on as I was getting these massive mood swings and the psychiatrist that I had said to me "you are too strange for me to deal with" and dropped me as a client that day.

My friends disregard anything that I say or feel with either oh you just got that from the internet or worse saying that I am stupid and an idiot. My boss is a transphobe and because of where I work there are many people in this backwater city that know me.

The thing that I learned in my life is that I am truly alone, I have no where to turn for help and if I have a problem I am supposed to just internalize it and shut up.

I would likely feel less alone if I were to spend the rest of my life in solitary confinement.

[DawnOday]

It's really tough when the population at large are either ignorant of stupid. Ignorance I can do something about  That takes work. Exposing myself to others and tell my deepest secrets. My observation is that most of the population is ignorant. They think we convert because we like to spend $70,000 on surgeries so we can stalk their women in the bathroom. They think we enjoy a regimen of hormones and kinky sex and based on the pictures I've seen on the internet, they may have a point. Myself it was predetermined to be transgender because of medical malpractice before I was born. It is something I have hidden all of my life to the point of destroying most everyone I love and kept me from making new friends.  As I have begun HRT after living a life of shame and getting an education in the last few months that it isn't kink that made me question my sexuality but something far deeper. I actually thought I was one of a kind. I am finally getting comfortable in my own softer lovelier skin. I love the clarity of thought without seeking revenge or holding a grudge. I enjoy calmness I have never before experienced. My wife likes that I have an until now, unknown desire to do housework. I look down at my growing breasts and think this is the way it always should have been. I am extremely envious of the kids that were able to make the decision early in life enough to have minimal effects on their growth. My testes have shrunk from walnut size to pecan size. And no I do not have a pie in my pants. . I have a hard time with all the technical talk, binary, cis, and a lot of other terms that are foreign and although I have been an engineer for a lot of years, it's a lot of technical information. We need it to be as easy to explain as diagramming a football play on a white board. It's great that you know all the terms but until we can make our experience known to our detractors in the simplest of terms we will be outcasts to society. Even within the LGBTQ community we really have no place as they have their own agendas and fighting for your rights is not on the list.

I really am trying to be upbeat instead of a downer as communication is doable and as with most solutions to root cause the solution must be repeatable consistently, the message has to be the same and it has to be legit. We've made inroads to pretty much half the nation. We still have work to do.

Thought's? Questions? Am I out of my head? Just rambling on, to hear the wind whistle through my ears? I hope not. As a Root Cause Analyst I've learned you have to get past the superficial problems and perhaps refocus on the root cause. Does passing solve the problem or just cover it up? Does communication? I actually think the latter is the key. It's not easy especially for introverts. But anyone that can work through their sexuality issues is capable of expression. Anyone who can present in public is capable of expression.

[Mohini]

Oh wow, DawnOday...  Just reading the last post here, and you posted yesterday (I had not read this thread before)...  I somehow remember seeing your avatar and the last paragraph, like I've seen it before.

Anyway, I've gone in and out of the trans community over the last 18+ years.  This time, I've just come back in recently.  I did have times when I was going this alone, and other times when I would be part of the community, if I was close enough.  Right now, I'm an hour away, so just about everything I do is online, and I am stealth out in public.  Most of my host's family knows about me, though.  Fortunately, they are very accepting people.

[Michelle_P]

Interesting topic for me.  I'm active in the local community under my male persona, but nobody knows about my transition yet.  The most a few people know is that I'm getting some medical treatment that appears to alter my appearance slightly.  (They don't know about the surprise under the oversized untucked polo shirt. )

My only contacts with the local Trans community are through my group sessions and a couple people I've 'friended' in Michelle's Facebook account.  I've never been big on social contacts myself, relying on my wife for most real-world acquaintences.  I'm very much an introvert, from hiding my true self for decades, and fear that close contacts will lead to my being discovered in here.

Online, this is by far my biggest community of contacts.  A little sad, I suppose, and a sure sign that I really need to get out more.

[SadieBlake]

I tend to be pretty solitary by nature, and want the time I spend with other people to be quality - I think someone recently posted about moving away from small talk, I'm all about that.

When I first realized I was trans I sought out trans community (I suspect on this very site but who knows, it's been too many years) (and GLB communities, back then they weren't really connected) and as I dealt with it and then decided not to medically transition I simply came out to all the people who mattered and stopped spending time seeking out trans people - it was painful to have decided not to proceed.

So for a long time I was not really connected to any trans community and only to the queer community in general because that's a fair fraction of my friends.

I outed myself to everyone else (except some family) 8 months ago when I started hormones and of course started here soon after that as I try to figure out the process of medical transition. By coincidence I was invited to join a pansexual group that had arisen from the ashes of a disbanded local lesbian group. I haven't had a lot of time to spend with those folks (see above about solitary nature) however the time I have spent has been quality and very affirming. It's especially nice to finally feel accepted among lesbians (the defunct entity had been open to trans men, not trans women).

[Sspar]

No LGBT local support at all.. I can go 1.5hrs in any direction and find some, but having no social skills to speak of I am generally a outsider when i attend events..
But I have a good therapist and a supportive family and coworkers so I consider myself very lucky..
Most of my info comes from Susan's and general internet sources..( i find internet cartoons a good source of inspiration..)
But at the end of the day.. this is a journey is my own to figure out..

[Drexy/Drex]

This is my only connection so far ....its great though as my environment is just men and a few woman out in the middle of no where susans place is alife line for me

[becky.rw]

I've never had much in the way of contact with a physical community in a sense other than skilled work of some sort.

I do intend for that to change, though I'm not sure how to present in order to accepted beyond merely being tolerated. I think I have to make an outward step to do it, actually present as female in front of someone other than myself.    A very hard step I think, but one I don't think I can put off forever.

I really feel this place will give me the courage to make that happen in the not to distant future.

[Harley Quinn]

I can't say that I feel like apart of anything. I relate to people more than ideals.

I guess you could say that I relate to people in the community, but not to the community.

[stephaniec]

I'm still on the periphery of the community , but I'm getting closer the more I go to the LGBTQ... health clinic and stop by the community center. It's quite a good feeling to be a part of the community if still only on the edges. Chicago's Boys Town is quite a big community  though as compared to other areas.

[Miss Clara]

Oh yes, I feel a part of the trans community.  Chicago is a trans friendly city for the most part and hosts a number of trans support organizations.  These groups played a huge part in the early days of my transition, and now that I've achieved womanhood, I want to stay connected to some of these groups and give back. 

The trans community is quite diverse, ranging from cis male cross dressers to the gender queer to transsexual women (I have little exposure to the trans male community). There is a wide variance in social and economic status as well.  It is quite a fascinating world, and I'm still learning from my involvement.  It's unfortunate that many who reach the end of their transitions disappear.  I am sometimes astounded by the lack of knowledge that so many girls exhibit about transitioning basics.  I feel that we have a role to play in helping them on their journeys.

[Maybebaby56]

We are social creatures and I think it is a natural instinct to be with one's flock.  I do identify as part of the trans community, and I have a small number of friends who know me as trans and accept me, but no, I do not feel connected to the LGBT community on the whole. Susan's is probably the closest direct association I have with the LGBT community, and even here I feel small and unimportant.  But I am here nearly every day, reading, thinking, trying to contribute when I can.  It does help.

With kindness,

Terri

[Mallory]

A very significant portion of the time I feel completely alone, but that hasn't necessarily been a bad thing.  The person that the last year has molded me into is an incredibly strong willed, friggin' amazing, I-know-what-I-want, and-im-good-with-being-forever-alone-because-im-learning-to-date-myself chick that doesn't feel the least bit vulnerable or insecure. 

As such I don't think I have the normal run-of-the-mill trans* issues like "do I pass?".  My question is always, "Where is my happy?"  I laugh at myself constantly.  I'll look in the mirror after staying up way too late and being way too ragged out and be like, "Oh hellz to the no..", wake up the next morning, wash my face, do a little something with my hair, and then I'll see her and be like, "Oh, there she is!" akin to Pockets in Hook when he finally recognizes Peter Pan.

But yup.  Alone.  Except for pixels on a screen.

[AoifeJ]

I am not connected to any bigger community and feel very alone. I've gone to a couple support groups but have yet to come away with any meaningful connections. I don't have any friends at all in my life, not one. The trans support groups I've gone to have actually felt really freaking uncomfortable and don't leave me with much of a desire to go back.

Still, I'll probably go back anyway, at least a couple more times. I know I need to "get out of my comfort zone" but they just really don't feel meaningful, or helpful, or happy. It's depressing. Maybe it's me.