Hello all,
Well It is now three months since I found myself. I have been living my life
as a male doing male related things, I played with matchbox cars for a time
as well as plastic model kits. But it didn't last to long in my life. Most of this
stuff sits in a closet collecting dust. I'm not interested in these things anymore
Although I had always been interested in mechanical things, like cars and
other stuff, I even took a coarse on auto mechanics and held a job in a shop
for a year. It didn't really do anything for me. I wanted something else. I didn't
know what that something else was. I always resented being pushed into the
male role. I'm not into competition like guys want to do. Not even into sports
at all. At an early age I would often put my sisters clothes on and my Mothers
too. I liked wearing panties and pantyhose. Bra's too. As I got older some of
this activity had to be stopped for awhile. Then at around my late 20's I
started to shave my body off hair. I didn't like hair on me exccept my head.
I became obsessed about it. I have always felt a certain femininty about
myself thruout my life. After a while the feelings died down somewhat and I
returned to being male. Now at age 46 the feelings are returning back.
I now shave my body again. I'm feeling more feminine than ever the feelings
are so strong. I have yet to find a therepist to talk to. Really need to talk
to a therepist. When I am in the shopping mall I find myself looking at womens
stores all the time, imagining myslef in some of the dress's and shoes. I browse
thru the catalogs regulary. I don't know how long I can go on shaving my legs,
arms, cheast without my Mother finding out. Yes I still live with my Mom but
she needs me more than ever. I'm the only ' MAN' of the house as my dad died
years ago and she needs me to hold the house together so to speak.
So in conclusion I for the most part have to hide these feelings that are
growing stronger. When I am at work I'm starting to act and speak as a
woman. I am good at moderating my voice so my voice sounds like a woman.
I talk this way on the phone at work and I have been called Ma'm and Ms.
several times and it felt good. I'm rambling on I know. I had to let this out a
little. I'm just getting a little frustrated that I can't just let it out and be
feminine like I want to. I'm stuck here for now and untill I'm in a better
posistion to go out on my own, move to my own place so I can be free to
be a woman. It's gonna be a long rough road I know. Iv'e gone on to long here
Owen
love being female
