The Stares

[Sarahsheraz25]

Hi everyone,

So I'm a mtf 17 year old who is going full time as a girl in my senior year of high school. I just started hormones a month ago but again have chosen to go full time to feel more comfortable in my body.

Soooo long story short, my family says I pass just fine and I have nothing to worry about but almost every time I walk outside, I'm constantly stared at, and its really driving me crazy. I like to think I pass ok but whenever someone stares, a little piece of me feels like a "fake" girl as if I'm not a real girl and they can see that. I'll try and show a pic of me but in all honesty i have no idea how to cope. I always remember being a boy and not having to worry about passing 100% of the time, since I never thought of it. But as a girl, I am driving myself insane trying to pass and whenever a stare comes along, I feel like it's all for nothing. The hour long makeup, the wigs, the clothes its all for nothing. There's no point in it if it's so easily tell-able that I'm male and that hurts a lot for me.

It gets even worse when I'm not at school and out in public, at least 1 in 4 people look at me and it just sucks so much and I just wanna roll up in a ball and cry every time they do. So please give me some insight on how you guys deal with this because I have no idea how to.

I've seen a couple of posts saying the same thing but they're all incredibly beautiful which is why they get stares and honestly I don't think that's it for me. Usually the stares I get are a lot more curious and abrupt, and emotionless. Usually if someone's pretty I would think they would smile at you, not just stare blindly, convincing me it is not about prettiness and more about being transgender. Dayum this is so long!! Sorrry it's my first post!!

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. The links you provided are on your own computer and can't be accessed by others. If you wish to display and image, you put it on a server like Photobucket, capture the link and link it in your post like
[img]http://url.jpg[/img]
Even without seeing the pictures, I have a pretty good idea what your problem is. If you are nervous or fear discovery, it will show in your body language. People will pick up on this and stare at you trying to figure out what's wrong. The many not be reading you but they are paying more than normal attention to you. The best way to handle this is to make up your mind that you are an attractive woman and people are going to admire you when you walk out the door. You then make up your mind you have just as much right to be out there as anybody else and then go have fun.

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[Sarahsheraz25]

Thank you for the tip! I've changed it so hopefully it works now.

Wow I actually had no idea body language could play a part in all this, thanks for that. I usually quickly look at my phone or something hoping they'll look away.

I will definitely use those links too!! (Thanks again)

[Rachel_Christina]

Hello, yes it may be your own fears that are making you look awkward and people notice, cause from your pics you pass easily.
And don't forget people stare, especially men, they stare at every second woman, they hardly miss.
They are not thinking about trans people.
This is why men get so angry sometimes about trans people, some that may be against it may have seen a few they thought wher pretty and that annoys them.
But you have nothing to worry about, relax and you will blend away

[Sarahsheraz25]

I guess you're right, I do just need to take it easy. Yeah I do believe what you're saying about men, except the weird thing is, most of the stares I get are from women (specifically mothers) and I just don't get why I'm so interesting to them. Maybe it's that I'm just too tense like you said.

Thank you for the reply though

(Btw, you look amazing judging from your profile pic  )

[Dena]

Now your pictures are visible, an additional hint. If somebody is staring at you, turn to them and give them the smile you have in the picture. It will put the pressure on them.

As for your attitude, When I ventured into the world, I was job hunting and I realized I needed to become comfortable fast and I did, maybe never receiving any stares. After surgery I met my roommate and she was just starting her transition. The first non therapy trip was with me to a large department store complex. She was nervous as all get out and a guy picked up on it getting both of us read. I still kept my cool and did my best to distract her from the attention she was drawing but yes, body language is very important. Act like you own the place and belong and nobody will question you.

[Sarahsheraz25]

Yeah I actually tried that technique today and it did make me feel better. The stares were somewhat less and even when they did look, I told myself they're not looking because I'm transgender, they're just looking because of my hair/clothes. It did make me feel a lot better and confident.

[HappyMoni]

Sarah,
It's like anything else, the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel. You will become less self conscious. If you can focus on the thing you are involved in doing (shopping or whatever), there is less mental energy put toward making you nervous. By the way, you look very feminine.
Moni

[jujubes1986]

Hi everyone,

So I'm a mtf 17 year old who is going full time as a girl in my senior year of high school. I just started hormones a month ago but again have chosen to go full time to feel more comfortable in my body.

Soooo long story short, my family says I pass just fine and I have nothing to worry about but almost every time I walk outside, I'm constantly stared at, and its really driving me crazy. I like to think I pass ok but whenever someone stares, a little piece of me feels like a "fake" girl as if I'm not a real girl and they can see that. I'll try and show a pic of me but in all honesty i have no idea how to cope. I always remember being a boy and not having to worry about passing 100% of the time, since I never thought of it. But as a girl, I am driving myself insane trying to pass and whenever a stare comes along, I feel like it's all for nothing. The hour long makeup, the wigs, the clothes its all for nothing. There's no point in it if it's so easily tell-able that I'm male and that hurts a lot for me.

It gets even worse when I'm not at school and out in public, at least 1 in 4 people look at me and it just sucks so much and I just wanna roll up in a ball and cry every time they do. So please give me some insight on how you guys deal with this because I have no idea how to.

I've seen a couple of posts saying the same thing but they're all incredibly beautiful which is why they get stares and honestly I don't think that's it for me. Usually the stares I get are a lot more curious and abrupt, and emotionless. Usually if someone's pretty I would think they would smile at you, not just stare blindly, convincing me it is not about prettiness and more about being transgender. Dayum this is so long!! Sorrry it's my first post!!

you will get to know the different stares ppl will give you... i didnt start HRT as young as you i started @ 19... and i thought i was passable... but i got looks too... you will just learn to ignore it if you are confident and not care of wht they think but as a young adult i understandthat it is hard sometimes to not care.. maybe not in your case but anyway... you will learn to shrug it off... and you'll come out of it as a better person or an insecure person... only time will tell... but you look like a babe... no homo

[Michelle_P]

I had a little discussion with my therapist today.  She told me that many times when we think someone is 'reading' us as being a transgender person, it's not really the case.  When people look around, they're not playing 'spot the transperson', they are looking first for safe/threat, or friend/not friend.  They're just going about their lives trying not to bump into someone else.  The thought of inspecting others in detail to see if they are transgender persons never occurs to the vast majority of folks.

Now, if we do something that draws attention to ourselves, making us the focus of attention, then other mechanisms come into play.  We get inspected in detail, and if something looks 'off', they we might get read.  Wearing a piece of high end formalware to go to the local burger joint might do this, or wearing a large, impossibly complex hairstyle.  (Say, a 5 foot beehive dyed blue...)

If we look like we fit in, the momentary looks we get are just momentary looks.  It's our own fears that cause us to interpret these as being read.  Some guy might let his eyes linger for a second while his teeny testosterone-fueled brain processes... "Girl; cute girl; Do I have a chance with her? ; Ooooh! French fries!..."

There's less going on out there than meets the eye.