I am out to my mother. Have been since July. She is a lesbian, which I had hoped would mean she was far more understanding than others. She has had to suffer through intolerance and accusations herself. However, it feels like she just doesn't get it at all. I have tried so many times to explain it. She won't listen, or just isn't getting it.
She is making me feel like crap. Like I am being selfish for wanting to transition, because I am obviously not thinking about her, the rest of my extended family, my husband or my kids.
Then she keeps going on about how she gave birth to a girl, which is annoying me.
Today we got into an argument and she brought up the fact that I can't afford to do any of the stuff required to transition, and that I don't have a support system. Such as, if my husband leaves me, his income will be out of the picture. I can't afford things on my own. If I ever have surgery, I don't have anyone there to help me with my kids if my husband leaves, and there is no guarantee that she would be able to come down and help. (She lives an hour away from me). She tried putting herself in my shoes, talking about how she knew what it was to be a single parent, and that during her time of rising me and my sister alone, that if she had thought that she was a man and needed to transition, that she knew her reality was that she couldn't afford it.
According to her, no matter how much I want or desire this, I can't expect the world to just bend over backwards to give it to me.
I told her how very determined I am to see this through, even if it takes years. I told her that it is a matter of my continued survival, because my depression stems from my GID and that my health has deteriorated horribly because of my depression.
She still doesn't get it.
I directed her to these forums, but I doubt she will come. I am left feeling like am some horrible selfish person, AND like I am never going to see this through because of my situation. She already knows, unless she wasn't listening, that I have been feeling down because of that very thing. So to throw it in my face, just made it worse.
