I still aspire to be less personally bothered by being misgendered and appreciate the great responses here. Teachable moments are fun but that assumes a person is educable and not deliberately doing a slam. For a while I had a 4 year old tormentor who delighted in loudly proclaiming "you're a boy!" Her parents are friends and seemed incapable of arresting her rude behavior. Kinda glad they moved away for that reason
As an elected politician and community activist I love being visible, approachable and willing to engage people about our transgender reality. Transitioning at 60 with a lifetime of T oriented body growth, male socialization and mannerisms I simply accept that I will be misgendered. The truth is that I am a transgender person and transitioned late in the game and that is really OK. I try to be polite about it but often correct people who sir me by saying; "my name is Tessa and it's ma'am for me please" During my transition I did explore clothing, mannerisms, voice training and more to be comfortable and passable. What I realized was an uncomfortable feeling that I was trading a male stereotype and straightjacket for a female one. What I found works best is to simply be as authentic and uniquely real as me. A person with an interesting history and sort of hybrid gender presentation. Many of us take another path and do everything in their power to present as their own self identified gender and that is certainly OK too. Getting to know us (we are not that scary) is so critical now that our rights and very lives are on the line.
Some of us will always have a skeletal structure with face, shoulders, hips, hands and more that suggests our assigned at birth gender but not how we self identify. I have felt female, to some degree, all my life, even when I was wearing a beard or doing typically male gender role stuff. There can obviously be a huge gulf between how we identify and feel verses how we look or sound to others. This is the heart of diversity and a reality I hope more and more people will learn to accept as the truth of the human species. Diversity should be celebrated as essential for survival and growth.
It is going to take some time and effort to be accepted and fully integrated within the dominant cultures we live within. It is worth it for the current and next generations of trans people who will be starting school and careers in the public sphere. We need to be seen as people who are part of the mainstream with value and dignity. In my long lifetime schools were segregated by race and religion, mixed race and gay marriages were illegal and people with any disabilities stayed hidden and home. Until people stood up for and demanded equality it did not happen.
I urge all of us to put our best foot forward and be proud of who you are. Most people want to be kind to one another.
