Quote from: iamthatiam8 on September 17, 2016, 09:57:21 PM
Hi Rhonda, thanks for the comment. Growing up i had no concept of self, had no name that i felt comfortable with, had no connection with my self and body. So at 19 when i found out that transgender was an actual thing, my depresion got deeper than before. Whithin a couple of months i was on hrt, yet i still knew not who i was, so a year later i was so desparate and skinny i saw no change. Ready to give up my mom, who i was living with at the time and who had no idea of just how deep my depression was; suddently decided to move to florida. I had no plan to de-transition but in a bible belt of a town, and with my social anxiety of the roof, i couldn't find the courage to see a doctor. I soon ran out of hormones but i used this time to search for my self, to find the meaning of my life, specially; i used this time to find out what hunted me the most, what in the world is a man, and a women? After a year and a half of walking about, and soul searching i returned to my old town got with my doctor and began hrt again, still confused yet with new found conviction.
I'm still searching, but thats all part of life. Now i know that im a women no matter how tomboyish i am, i have no plans for passing, i love androgyne, but still love looking feminine. I still live in dysphoria, and depression even now, thats why i want to have ffs as soon as posible but with as little surgery as posible, thats why i'm looking for feed-back sence it's hard to tell what i would need looking at my own face. My hope is if i can have a feminine looking face that i feel comfortable with i could stop feeling less dysphoric and expand my horizon, sence i have no concept of what it feels like to feel comfortable in my body, its only a dream right now. I would apreciate your comment on what ffs i could need. Chao.
Your post was very honest and genuine. Thank you for sharing it. I know how hard it is to love yourself when you are not happy with the person you see in the mirror. I hope that you can learn to love yourself a little because there is a beautiful person inside wanting to get out for the world to see.
I went through a time of searching too. I knew that the way that I had been living was miserable and I had to change it but didn't know for sure what to do. I made friends with some drag queens at one point and they helped me get dressed up that way a couple of times. It was fun in some ways but I figured out that wasn't right for me. (Side note - one of the drag queens I met during that time came out to me as also being trans) I had a very brief relationship - if you could even call it a relationship - with a gay man. He wanted to be with a man and I couldn't be that. For a while I was gender-bending a bit in my style. In all of this, I sort of had to "try on some things to see what fit and what didn't."
Everyone is unique and the important thing is to find a safe and healthy way to explore who you are.
I suggest that you put off FFS for the time being. My advice is to do things like hair extensions or wigs, make-up, HRT, laser hair removal or electrolysis, etc. All of these will get you results perhaps faster than you think. I think that before long you will develop a look that you like and find out how you like going through the world as a that person. From your message it sounds like you want to present yourself as a young woman. I suggest that you try that on and see how you like going through the world that way. Not just going to a club or party, but just day to day, not glamorous, being a woman in the world. The more you experience it the better.
After a couple of years, if you find that living as a woman is how you want to live your life, than FFS is always an option.
If you find that your facial features are really detracting from your appearance after a reasonable time, a rhinoplasty might be a good option for you short of full FFS. It is a lot less expensive and invasive but could do a lot for your appearance.
It's a brave thing to be willing to find yourself and not simply conform to what the world expects you to be.
Whatever you do, stay safe and be true to yourself.
You can PM me if you like.

Hugs,
Rhonda