Derogatory terms among the community (and others)

[Deborah]

The comment on Sir and Ma'am reminds me of a funny story. 

A while back I was speaking to an Army Major and since I was less than a Major at the time I had to say either Sir or ma'am.  It was quite a dilemma because I couldn't tell.  Even the voice was not distinctive either way. 

So I kept on saying sir throughout the conversation until after a while I started guessing I might be wrong.  So then I switched over to ma'am,  LOL.

Maybe he was a trans man and I made his day.  :-). I hope that was the case.

[Elis]

Yeah, off topic, but as silly as it is I dont even like using 'sir' or 'ma'am' at all, especially if I suspect the person may not be what they seem. If I notice females that look vaguely masculine, I consider the possibility that they are male so I slip in a dude now and again, which might make them feel good if they are, and its still neutral if they arent. I did see someone who looked very much like a transwoman once, clearly she looked as she was a woman she was quite pretty but of course I kept my assumptions to myself.

I dont like making assumptions on people's gender all that much so I tend to just assume they are as they present and if theyre androgynous or ambiguous quite possibly LGBT. If I ever got a correction Id gladly change it to a more accurate pronoun

This is one of my most hated annoyances. Companies shouldn't get their employees to call customers sir or mam. It's not more polite. You're more likely to cause an individual to have their self esteem ruined or worse by misgendering a trans or cis person.  Gah; we need to get companies to stop doing this 

[HappyMoni]

I don't know about others but I absolutely HATE when an LGBT person describes someone or a group of people as "queer". Do not call me that. Do not call others you have never spoken to that. Do not call someone who is gay or trans that and assume they identify with that word just because some other people do. If people want to call themselves that then fine, they can call themselves whatever they want. But I absolutely hate the assumption that all LGBT folks are okay with this "reclaimed" word. I wish both people I know and people in general would stop assuming that this is okay

I agree 100%. I saw the venomous hatred with which people used the word "queer" when I was growing up. It caused so much pain for others and helped cause me to bury my head in denial for so long. Now I am supposed to accept it? Now I don't want to have a stick up the b***, but I can't use it, don't like it. If I were a lefty, I could accept "south paw" or something because there is no hate behind it.
Moni

[DawnOday]

As long as you keep it confined to Dude and don't add the Lebowski.

[xchrisx]

The T word makes me cringe but that could be because I've never heard it used in anything but a derogatory way; a slur.
I was into making t-shirts a while back & a fellow trans friend asked me to make them a shirt that said it--right out there in big ol' capital letters--and I did. If they are Ok with it, that's fine by me. I never say it out loud though lol

Queer is one that has never bothered me but I think I sort of missed the whole queer-as-slur (I think folks a bit older than me felt more of the brunt of that;  I'm 46) and I identify as queer / pansexual so yeah queer for me is fine--I certainly don't want to hear a group of cis dudes talking about "a bunch of f-ing queers" or anything; I know it can still be a slur--but as someone else posted, its all about intent.

[Micki]

In my own personal opinion, I really think that the only derogatory term is the one that incorrectly describes someone. In other words, to use a personal experience as an example, I was asked recently by someone I knew years ago if he should tell another person who I knew years ago about my "lifestyle". I was born an intersex person with one testicle. So that is not my 'lifestyle'. I don't take issue with someone telling it like it is. Though what I do take issue with is being incorrectly labelled as something that I'm not. That leads me to another term that I think is derogatory, and that term is 'lifestyle'. In my opinion, and according to textbook definition, a person's lifestyle is the style in which they live. It's not their sex or gender or the kind of person they are attracted to. Someone's lifestyle is what they do, such as the kind of activities they enjoy and such.

[RobynD]

Lifestyle i agree is a stupid word that explains absolutely nothing. The style of my life is not easily described and is in constant change do to age and other factors.

I tend to fall on the side of "be mindful and offend nobody". That of course is an unattainable thing but it is a good thing to shoot for. I just corrected someone the other day on the T word and his response was ...wow i had no idea that was not a good word. He was fine and we moved on in the conversation.

[Deborah]

Lifestyle is a deliberately used word to reduce us to nothing more than a set of behaviors rather than a person with an inborn identity.  It is a pernicious word.

[Lady Sarah]

One term I heard from my adoptive mother still makes me cringe to think about: closet qu**n.

[Kylo]

Seems they use the word "lifestyle" for a reason - it enables this notion that there's literally no such thing as homosexuality or transsexuality, only deviant people. There's an agenda behind many uses of it regards people like us and it is to prevent recognition of the medical/biological nature of our predicament. As time has gone on however, science has found homosexuality and transsexuality in nature, and finds more and more evidence that they are anything but conscious lifestyle choices. Sooner or later these people will no longer be just choosing to deny us, but choosing to deny actual scientific facts to support their bias. There does seem to be a rise in science-denying of late.