How to you know when you've found your name?

[Harley Quinn]

So, as things are continuing to get more "real" I have been second guessing my own moniquor.  The last minute nerves have began to rear their ugly heads...  What's good around friends and sounds good in theory; will it play well once it's legally owned, and for all intents and purposes permanent.  I keep wondering "does the name fit the face?" "Does it sound natural?" "Does it fit my personality?" "Does it sound forced, or disingenuine?".  Doubt ruins great ideas when it takes hold of your thoughts... 

So, who should be my sounding board?  Who is my honest broker?  Friends?  Strangers?  Forum patrons?  Are friends really the best judge of things, or are their opinions tainted after the first introductions?

[Lady Sarah]

Some fail to take into account that a new name should sound typical if one wants to blend in, and not draw unwanted attention. I know my name does not raise any eyebrows when spoken.

There are some that do want the attention. At some point, they might regret it. If it sounds like a stripper name, it might fall in this category.

[Harley Quinn]

Ummm OK. But wasn't quite my question.

So, who should be my sounding board?  Who is my honest broker?  Friends?  Strangers?  Forum patrons?  Are friends really the best judge of things, or are their opinions tainted after the first introductions?

[Dena]

Are you comfortable with the name and is it you? I liked my name the first time I saw it on a license plate. The name is me. I am informal. I like a name that not everybody has but it is a real name that was available when I was born. I would like to think it's the type of name my parents would have given me had I been born female.

Don't try to meet other peoples standards as they don't have to live with the name. You are the one who will live with the name so your opinion is the only one that counts.

In my therapy group, one of the first questions that was ask was what name do you want to go by. Everybody used that name so we became used to it and we knew if it was right for us. If a name is wrong, you should be able to determine it pretty quick.

[stephaniec]

I like my name alot. Its the same name I was born with except on the feminine side

[Janes Groove]

Some friends and loved ones will hold back for fear of hurting your feelings or you getting mad. Others won't. I think the tendency is to avoid conflict.

Strangers, with no emotional investment will give you a straighter answer, but then they don't know you.

If you are having doubts it may be easier to be specific about what you do or don't like about your name and ask for a yes or no answer with a disclaimer, "I won't get mad."

Like "I'm afraid this name is too feminine for me and I can't pull it off. What do you think? I won't get mad. I really need to know."

Or "I'm afraid my name is too masculine. What do you think. You will be doing me a huge favor if you give me an honest answer.  Yes or no."

[Dayta]

I think first that you have to be comfortable making the decision.  If you have an S.O., that's an opinion that counts for a lot.  I honestly wouldn't go beyond 1 or 2 really close friends including a partner, if applicable.  I would also use on-line resources to find popular birth names for the year you were born and for current popular names.  Not that this should necessarily rule out a name, but to give it a good test.  Names that are really popular at the moment might not fit in  a few years as those children start to grow up. 

One of the things I found in selecting a name is that you'll find some association with almost every name, maybe to a famous person sharing it, or maybe a song or movie reference.  Remember that not everyone shares those same references, unless the name is truly iconic.  The more people you poll, the more of those negative associations you'll find.  Everyone doesn't have to be happy with your name.  I hope you're happy though. 

L

[HeatherR]

Just keep in mind that NOBODY looks like their name...  Think about it.  They are born, and immediately given a name, even sometimes before they are born.  If you hear a voice, you don't think "she sounds like an April" or "Definitely a Sarah."   When you introduce yourself, people will feel that it fits and it will stick.  Getting used to being called a new name is weird and takes a lot of repetition to become normal.  My rules were simple.  Common name from the timeframe I was born, and uncommon enough that half of my friends don't feel like I'm taking their name.

I only knew a handful of Heathers growing up and am only friends with 2, so it seemed a decent choice. 

[Artesia]

I like the Artesia Claire name that I picked.  My wife doesn't.  So, I went back to the drawing board to find one I like and that she would be comfortable with.  My wife says the Artesia name is to uncommon, and could cause me problems, but I can keep it here and on my video game characters.  I've shared it with a coupe doctors, my therapist, and my wife.  The Therapist and doctors all said it's pretty, and flows well, but didn't say if it would be a good name or not.  As a RPG player, and former SCA (society for Creative Anachronisms) Member, wearing different names is almost second nature, so switching doesn't bother me.

[KathyLauren]

I want a name that doesn't sound like a stripper or like I got it off the Internet.  I don't want to draw any more attention to myself than I will get anyway, so it has to be a name that is age-appropriate for my generation. 

I picked my screen name because it sounds like my male given names.  The more I use it, the more it sounds like me.  I go by Kathy in the local support group, and it sounds like people are talking to me when they use it.  If I chose a totally unrelated name, it would take me a second or two to remember that that is me they are talking to.

My wife is the one who will use it the most, so she has an interest in my name choice.  However, her taste is for totally implausible movie-star names.  Ack!  So not me!

I am not 100% sure I will stick with Lauren as my middle name, but I am pretty sure I will keep Kathleen as my first name.

[Lilliana]

So, as things are continuing to get more "real" I have been second guessing my own moniquor.  The last minute nerves have began to rear their ugly heads...  What's good around friends and sounds good in theory; will it play well once it's legally owned, and for all intents and purposes permanent.  I keep wondering "does the name fit the face?" "Does it sound natural?" "Does it fit my personality?" "Does it sound forced, or disingenuine?".  Doubt ruins great ideas when it takes hold of your thoughts... 

So, who should be my sounding board?  Who is my honest broker?  Friends?  Strangers?  Forum patrons?  Are friends really the best judge of things, or are their opinions tainted after the first introductions?

I was going with Grand Duchess Anastasia III but I plan on keeping the name I have always had as it is a female/male name already.

[Devlyn]

Get a stripper name. Put it on your license plate!



Hugs, Devlyn

[Drexy/Drex]

I think something that suits your personality .....its a very personal thing  depends whether you want to blend or  be out there  for myself i already have a couple of out rageous ones ..but then my grandma's  name keeps filtering through ?

[SiobhánF]

I had my wife help me decide. I had a few names picked out and thought I'd go with my first pick, but I then started to find different names that I liked a lot. So, Siobhan isn't the name I picked for good, but it's my online persona, if you will. Now, my wife calls me Bridget and refers to me as a girl. I smile every time.

[Harley Quinn]

Get a stripper name. Put it on your license plate!



Hugs, Devlyn

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.....  That's funny!

[Harley Quinn]

Thank you everyone for your wonderful and well thought out advice.  I suppose my takeaway will be try and get used to it.  I have 4 friends that have taken my name and ran with it.  Sadly, they all live hundreds and thousands of miles away, so I don't hear my name very often.  I have been timid and non-comittal with my name when it comes to speaking with my doctors.  After hearing all the advice, I'm sure that's going to be my next step in getting over the shock and awe of progress.  So, with that...  I guess I should add it in my signature block on posts.

Thank you ladies!  As always, this site seems to attract all the best people!

~ Victoria Quinn

[Michelle_P]

Hey, Victoria!  Now it's your turn to deliver some "shock and awe!"

You're going to do fine.

[mythaisrs]

Are you comfortable with the name and is it you? I liked my name the first time I saw it on a license plate. The name is me. I am informal. I like a name that not everybody has but it is a real name that was available when I was born. I would like to think it's the type of name my parents would have given me had I been born female.

Don't try to meet other peoples standards as they don't have to live with the name. You are the one who will live with the name so your opinion is the only one that counts.

In my therapy group, one of the first questions that was ask was what name do you want to go by. Everybody used that name so we became used to it and we knew if it was right for us. If a name is wrong, you should be able to determine it pretty quick.

How do you get your name from a license plate if you don't mind me asking?

My name was my friends name, I always liked her name so that is what I went with

[Dena]

How do you get your name from a license plate if you don't mind me asking?

My name was my friends name, I always liked her name so that is what I went with

About 1978 or 1979 I walking through the company parking lot in Anaheim and I glanced over at an older car with an early customized plate. It was love at first sight because the length, letters used and the fact that is was feminine. I wasn't that uncomfortable with my old name but it was the perfect replacement for it. It even had the advantage that should somebody call me by my old name, a person could mistake it for my new name.

[Nahia]

I decided on my name after perusing my long lost culture fem names. I still feel awkward with it, but meh. I am happy with what I have chosen.