Stuck-ish

[kasspurple]

I figured I would post a little more about myself and where I currently am in this world of gender identity.  I was born male, but since I was little have felt female.  My mom would say (in that stereotypical way mom's in tv shows or movies do) that I was just sensitive.  I was sensitive, but there was always more to it.  However, being in south central Texas and the youngest child to a woman now in her 70s, meant that the sensitive side of me (and the more to it) had to hide.

Anyways, more in the present I am pretty certain I am trans.  My therapist and I have been working on letting that something more out more often.  However, it is still pretty limited to just in the safety of my own apartment and to clothes and some makeup (I've found I really enjoy makeup and have gotten pretty good at contouring my nose and lipstick, but I feel like eye shadow is just beyond me).

I've been looking for places to open up about this side of myself and Susans seemed like the best place.  I worry about going to group in drab and being disrespectful of the others there.  I worry about going outside in fab because outside is the most horrifying place in the world.  I've tried a professional makeover service and it was a disaster. 

I'm still a ways from starting to transition via hormones or anything.  Financial and social issues prevail there for the time being.  But I really relish the chances I have to engage my true self.  I think the hardest part is finding the chance and the motivation at times knowing that at the end of the day I'm still stuck where I am for the time being.

Anyways, I've rambled for a bit.  I'm hoping to find people who can relate and commiserate.

Sincerely,
Kass

[CarlyMcx]

If you are worried about going to group in drab, then develop an in between androgynous mode.  Get some women's khakis and women's skinny jeans, and wear a men's T-shirt over them.  Or wear a women's T shirt or tank top on top and throw a men's button down over it.  Find some women's shoes that can pass for men's shoes.  Get a tourist type day bag or a men's small messenger bag to make up for the lack of pockets in the women's pants.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Hormones are actually pretty inexpensive and you can be on them a long time before anyone notices any changes. But if you're not ready, you're not ready. A lot of folks cross dress for years before transitioning. As for group sessions, people are all at very different places. I don't think it's disrespectful to show up in drab. Sometimes people do doll up a bit because it's the only time of the week they can let that side of themselves out. But it's not required.

[kasspurple]

Thanks for sharing, I'm still considering whether to go or not.  Fear is a horrible thing .