Trying to pick myself up feeling unworthy

[michelleh]

I have had major changes in my life I am officially gendered as a female and name change is permanent so what could be the problem? Now that I am a female legally now so I can't hide I have found lately my voice is becoming increasingly hard to justify being female I am getting stage fright or something. I feel kinda of insecure and overwhelmed with my life right now.😕
Any suggestions or insights.💋
Michelle

[Harley Quinn]

That is truly the most difficult to get over.  I wish I had advice from experience, but the best I can offer is the advice I recieved from my speech pathologist, and psychotherapist.

Take it slowly on your responses.  Don't fire right back with a response in a conversation.  Take a second to compose your voice in your mind.  In time, with using that voice all the time, it'll become muscle memory.

Spend a bit more of your time with friends/people you are comfortable with while you're building up your "natural speaking voice" as reflex.  That is, if you have a better voice with them than when you're in public with less familiar people.

A few of us still get our stage fright...  Voice Feminization Surgery is alway an option.  Your voice training is still quite valid with VFS.  It'll help ensure your "pitch" is covered... one less thing to worry about when getting pitch inflection and ressonance.  All of which you developed with your voice training.

I myself am giving it another year of trying to get over my second guessing of my speaking voice with my speech pathologist before I give in and go for VFS.

[HappyMoni]

Michelle,
   I have a similar full time start and I am similar in voice issues. It is tough for me because sometimes the voice is okay, sometimes terrible. I never know what will come out on any one occasion. When I faced the world as "me" I wanted to be all "put together."  That was not possible, so I took the pressure off by telling myself, "You are a work in progress. You will get better with presentation." In other words, give yourself a break. Allow yourself to be less than perfect, at least for a while.
Moni

[stephaniec]

I find just an octave higher and very softly helps me quite a bit.

[Cindy]

This might seem a very odd reply, but maybe bare with it.

I transitioned some years back and 'pass' whatever that means; in my case I'm treated just as a normal woman in everyday society and no one seems perturbed by me in any way. I'm certainly not misgendered by anyone.

After work my voice was quite good and certainly didn't raise any eyebrows, after my recent laryngeal cancer treatment my voice is effectively destroyed. I have a hoarse gravel whisper that is by no means feminine, it is clearly audible but in a deep range; my whisper cracks and changes as I 'speak. There is no outward sign that I have had throat cancer and I do not bring the matter up.

I have had absolutely no rejection, comment, blinks misgendering on my 'voice' which is very clearly a 'male gravel whisper' due to the destruction of my vocal cords. Admittedly I and I know many women with cancer, tend to over express our femininity with a pretty scarf or a bright 'thing' (we seem to have a need to make ourselves feel good, with good reason!) but I have made no other changes.

I did ask some of my cisfemale friends what they thought of my voice and their comments were interesting, they were all on clarity and volume; 'Yes you are clearly understandable' 'Oh your volume isn't great but anyone can understand what you are saying' etc. None of them commented on any masculine component - and they would have, as they have no hesitation in being honest with me; they are my friends.

I'm lead to believe that transpeople become our worst enemies, we see and hear our flaws and magnify them out of all proportion. In every day people just don't see or hear - or maybe don't associate it with being trans. After all how many transpeople do most people meet every day?

[michelleh]

Thank you beautiful ladies for responding. I feel I push myself pretty hard and I am not used to allowing for imperfections. My psychologist has told me to cool my jets for now and don't burn out. I really really want this to work but, patience, persistence and love works wonders. I need really focusing on being me the authentic me inside stop trying so hard despite my perception of the so called warts that I perceive. Femininity is about allowing beauty to flow from your whole being. I did note at work a gentleman responded quite nicely when allow myself to be me the woman without a thought about voice. It could be a case of the chicken or the egg which came first. If you have feminized through surgery everything about you would that allow you to have permission to let your inner beauty and feminine side come out. Some have advised tens of thousands of dollars to correct the flaws. Surgery has become a first response as the only path when maybe whole lot of that is psychological. The comparison to CIS women can pretty much get us all down our society is not the same page on beautity. There is a special beautity that trans women bring like understanding of both sexes and a different special appreciation of the value of femininity when many in society don't even care. I am resolving myself to let go of egotistical societal expectations. I will take deep breath and let my God given beautity flow. With all that said and done my voice will not stop me and yes I will continue learning my voice but, it will be MY VOICE not imitation of a female voice that isn't even me. I do believe the right surgery can be a nice feminine enhancement but, not a substitution for being authentic. Surgery doesn't make me a woman does it! I love you all your awesome.
❤️
Michelle

[Harley Quinn]

That's lovely Michelle! Sounds like you have it!

[Micki]

Michelle, you really seem like such a sweet lady! First, you're really kind and pretty! Females come in all shapes and styles, so to speak. It's always nice to be your unique self and your own person. It's more natural like that. Insofar as voice training, I'd like to recommend that you practice your voice resonance. It's a simple method of enhancing the vocal tone of your own personal voice. It's natural and simple to do, plus it's the only method for achieving the results that you are looking for. If you'd like any further advice, then you can either message me or you can do an internet search. Many hugs to you hun.

[michelleh]

Michelle, you really seem like such a sweet lady! First, you're really kind and pretty! Females come in all shapes and styles, so to speak. It's always nice to be your unique self and your own person. It's more natural like that. Insofar as voice training, I'd like to recommend that you practice your voice resonance. It's a simple method of enhancing the vocal tone of your own personal voice. It's natural and simple to do, plus it's the only method for achieving the results that you are looking for. If you'd like any further advice, then you can either message me or you can do an internet search. Many hugs to you hun.

Micki,
Resonance is 90% the battle. I think there is a deep psychological battle I am having letting go of my easier speaking voice that being my old male persona. It is like I have a defensive wall protecting me from harm. I know you mention God I am well traveled with God and last year was my most venerable I have ever been. I am in a job that exposes my new changes to people who know before like hundreds of people. I had one man who  say "you haven't change abit" that rocked me to the core it was like all my work was for not. I come from a military family and I am expected to be tough I really need positive energy sent my way help me let go this horrible cycle I am in. This tough outside was a defense for my venerable inside. I am a sensitive woman that really needs to let go of this insane block.
Much Love,
Michelle