I'm not saying we are blank at birth, you misunderstood my words. I am aware we're biologically programmed to do certain things and be in a certain way. I do believe and it's proven by science that identity (like feeling male, female or something in between) is biologically hard wired, just like other things like parts of our behavior (some people tend to develop mental illness more easily, be more aggressive, etc.). I don't think everything is social. I'm sorry you thought this, but it's not the way I think. You either got the message wrong or I explained it the wrong way. I'll try to clarify here for you and everyone else.
What is entirely social, in my opinion is
gender roles and assuming men always have a male body and women always have a female body.
Example of gener role: the fact women in our societies are expected to wear skirts while men should stay away from them is social. Would I wear a skirt? Never and I never have, because I associate it with women, so it's natural for me to refuse it. However, if I lived in a society where men wore skirts, maybe I'd wear one too. It happens with Scottish kilts. I don't like them very much, but I'd wear them during some Scottish event because it's socially acceptable for a man to wear it in that context.
Are men programmed to be more aggressive? I've come to the conclusion that yes, they tend to be. This might explain why I have this visceral need to attack them because of competition (about women, jealousy, power, etc.) What about trans men? I can't speak for other trans men, but I tend to be aggressive and desire to engage in physical fights with other men, no matter if cis or trans. After all, science is also proving trans brains are different and resemble the ones of the identified gender, and not the ones of the physical sex. I think this is one of those things that are both biological and social though. Does society encourage male violence and aggressivity? It certainly does. And does society encourage women to be passive, weak and defenseless? It does. Take a look around, how many commercials about muscular women do you see? Very few, right?
So we have things that are entirely biological (like anatomy, hormone levels, etc.), other things that are both biological and social (like aggression), and last but not least, things that are entirely social (dressing code, for example, and the overwhelming majority of gender roles).
I've never said we're tabula rasa, blank states at birth. We're not. A lot of things happen before birth too, as we know, and as science is investigating we're starting to see the possible causes of transsexualism, all pre-natal. Saying we're blank states would mean denying biology, and I'd never do anything like that.
I don't think it's always a waste of time to educate people. It's never a waste of time to educate people on what gender roles are, and to encourage them to make a distinction between biological factors (physical sex and sexual identity that, in the case of trans people are not aligned) and social factors (gender roles like saying women should only stay in the kitchen).
We're constantly evolving, both biologically and socially. It's not like evolution is over.
From your words, I assume you had a relationship gone wrong? I'm sorry to hear about it. I am aware many people (most people, really) are attracted to purely physical parts like genitalia, chest, etc. and base their sexual orientation on those things. However, other people don't. I don't exactly know why, but they're more attracted to other parts of the person, not just the sexual ones. They're more attracted to the general appearance and the personality.
I know about completely straight women who are in love and have sex with trans men, even pre-everything trans men. They exist. And gay men who think the same way exist too (although I find the mainstream cis gay male culture to be very phallocentric).
You're right that some people will never change their perception on what is male and what is female. For example, I can't really get myself to think breasts can be a male characteristic and a penis can be a female characteristic, like some other trans people think. It's not meant to be offensive, but I don't really want female body parts exactly because they're
female body parts, no matter how much other people say they're not inherently female. To me, they are and I want to get rid of those. I want to transition because I want a male body, because I'm aware a male body is what I want, however, having a male body doesn't make you a man automatically and all the amazing ladies here on the forum can confirm this. Women can have male bodies and men can have female
bodies.It's what makes us transsexual: having a body that does not match our sexual identity.
Do I have this visceral need to have a male body? Yes, I do.
TL; DR
You find how I agree with you on this, there are visceral things we cannot erase because they're biologically programmed, like perceiving bodies as male or female, and wanting to keep them (cis people) or change them (binary transsexual people). But gender roles like "women should cook and men should not" seem to be entirely social.
And there are people who like other people's overall appearance and don't focus on things like genitalia or breasts only. I might be wrong, but you made it sound like someone can never be attracted to a trans person or really see us as our real, identified gender.