Need to Talk Again

[Reyes]

It's like I never even told them.

Everything seemed to of been going great just after coming out, I felt good again, well, relatively good, especially as I believed I'd finally be moving forward with everything.

No one reacted negatively towards what I told them, My dad, sister and grandma were in disbelief and kinda feels weird mode, but I understood, and my mom was actually happy when I told her as she said I was figuring out more of who I am, and this is great and all that, can finally go forward with my life.

And now jump ahead barely a few weeks, and I honestly wonder half the time if I just hallucinated telling them.

My grandmother seems to of forgotten all together.

My mom I don't even know, she said she wanted to talk about it all with me, and yet each time I've seen her since then, not a single word about it.

My dad remembers, I think, but never talks about it, and the few times I bring it up he's never negative, but it just feels like he doesn't want to talk about it. And the other day I told him I wanted to change my hair red, and he's like, what, red, that's stupid.

And as for my sister, she seems permanently stuck at 'that's kinda weird'. Though only my father she actually talks about it if I bring something up. Though that isn't exactly a good thing as it turns out, as my sister, who claims she knows so much about being transgender because of this show she watched, says that even if I start using the name I prefer, I'll always be Robert as she thinks you can't change a birth certificate, and she won't drop that.

And it's like she thinks, oh I'm just making a comment, no big deal, she doesn't even realize how much I hate to hear that, I can't stand Robert, I can't stand how he looks, I can't stand his life, I can't stand being him, I HATE Robert.

And yet that doesn't seem to cross any of their minds.

I mean today, this is actually what made it really hit me how things have been, but we're ordering desert at the restaurant we were at, and I didn't want anything, and my grandma goes, 'not even fruit?' And I look at her and say how I've never liked fruit, she knows that, and she said she doesn't know, maybe you changed.

And my dad goes, Robert will never change, and my grandma said something, and said it as well. And I know they literally meant nothing by it and it was just about how I'll never like fruit, it stills hurts like anything...

I mean, I was always so scared to say anything because I was scared they may react negatively, well now I wish they had, I'd gladly take outright hatred over complete indifference, disbelief, ignoring, whatever it is they're doing..

Things were finally feeling good, I was happier, I was more talkative with them, now though I feel myself falling back into how I was before I came out, unable to say more and more things, uncomfortable around them, and they know why I was like this last time, so you'd think they'd say something, anything, but nope. It's back to, 'huh, Robert looks upset, ah well, dum de do, I have work to do.'

.....

[TransAm]

I had a somewhat similar time when I first came out, as well. It feels like a gigantic deal to us--it sits in the back of your head rolling around over and over until you find enough courage to let it out--but it often feels like it ends up being a blip on the radar to others.
I can empathize with your frustration. Unfortunately, I can also tell you that it's likely they'll continue to unconsciously hurt you. People are creatures of habit and tend to go on autopilot a lot. The pronouns and different name are something that take a lot of people a -very-, very long time to get used to and use seamlessly. At 11 months into HRT, I still occasionally get misgendered by people I knew pre-T.

Though I'm not sure if this relates to your case, I went through a period where I was 100% fine with people just not referring to me with any gendered language. I so preferred that to girl/she/her/miss at the time. I went as far as to tell that to people, even, that I'd rather be completely invisible than called a female. It seemed to make it click for a couple of them.
Anyway, yeah; the average person doesn't hear pronouns or their birthname like we do. This was a heavy topic of conversation among my friends and I after coming out. After expressing to them that I heard *every* single incorrect pronoun and became physically ill upon hearing my birth name, they looked baffled. Up until that moment, I assumed everyone obsessed over every little sir/ma'am/she/he they received just like I did until all of them told me they didn't even hear other people say it.
It could be that they're just unable to understand how painful it is for you. It's going to take a ton of patience on your end to get through the initial nightmare period between coming out and medically starting (if you so choose, of course), but you'll make it through.
As far as your mom or anyone else that may have initially told you they wanted to talk about it only to never bring it up again, my advice to you would be to make the first move. The more confident and self-assured you come across, the more people are likely to feel assured themselves and see it as a positive. Don't expect any immediate relief or results, but take heart in knowing that you're going in the right direction as difficult as it may currently seem.

[Reyes]

The problem is I have like zero self confidence, it's always been that way, honestly I don't even know how I came out to them at all. I mean, I thought things were getting better, instead things are getting worse as this time everyone knows, and yet nothings changed.

[Kylo]

You'd be better off talking to a therapist or some other professional. Someone who can help you figure out why you feel the way you do. Trying to get input from family can be like getting blood out of a stone.

[Dena]

We go through a stage I call diarrhea of the mouth after coming out. We have contained ourself for so long that we want everybody to understand and know about it. What we forget is that other have not had this on their mind for years, don't understand it, don't know what questions to ask and have their own life to live. It's best for us to be in a therapy group or on a web site where we can discuss topics like this with others who care. Given time, this need will pass but it takes a while.

My therapy group ran a couple of hours but a group of us would stay as late as 1 am in the parking lot after the meeting was over getting this out of our system. I was one of the worst as I would stay until the last person left. You need to understand you family will only want a minimum amount of discussion now but possibly latter they may ask more question. After 34 years, my mother is asking questions she has never ask before. Yes it can take a while.

[Reyes]

Eheh, I think I may of over reacted a bit much. I just was talking with my dad, not about this issue, but we talked a little about several things, well, not talked, more like commenting on stuff, lol. But everything was fine, and how he answers questions, he's always been like that about everything. He doesn't really talk much, lol.

I realized that as I've been drinking a lot of soda the past few days, it tends to make my depression much worse and I guess I viewed thing more negative then they actually were because of it. I kept telling myself this would happen the past few days, but I didn't listen, I dunno.

Oh, but one clear sign for me that he doesn't have any problem with it, we were cleaning up a few things in my room, and he goes, you can't be transgender, you're such a slob, girls are supposed to keep things clean, and I just looked at him and said my sisters name, she who has at times appeared to have had a dumpster explode in her room.

[Amanda_Combs]

There's just a big gap between the feeling you have and the feeling your family has when you come out.  It's a big relief to you; but a totally new issue for them.  I feel like it usually sends them into a sort of denial.  They know, they heard you, but they don't really want to talk about it or think about you changing.  When I told my wife, the greatest part was not having to feel like I've got to hide it.  So she doesn't talk about it for long periods and will occasionally ask me if I'm trans*.  It's weird, but throughout, I can now wear what I want, and talk how I want because deep down, we both know what's going on.  I really hope things get easier to talk about with your family.  And I hope you begin to feel more comfortable and confident.