Fear

[TX16]

Before I go away for the weekend (husband will be home, still in the closet), I just wanted to talk a bit about my nightmare.

I had a horrible dream last night. I had finally gotten in to see a therapist, and after several sessions she told me that I wasn't trans, and that I had been wrong all along. It was crushing. I felt so lost in my dream, and it has stayed with me all day. I am so afraid of this happening. If I can't make my own husband believe me, how am I supposed to make a therapist believe? Will she doubt me like he did when I came out the first time (and then went back into the closet)?

Has anyone ever had this happen?

I think I am mostly concerned because I live in the south, and I am worried that my therapist (that I have yet to see) will give me a wrong diagnosis because of her personal believes.

[Jacqueline]

I may be wrong. I believe that a therapist is more likely to believe you right off than one's family. At least take you at your word. They may challenge you to see if you are committed (wrong word) your reactions.  I think this is a fear inside you. I was terrified simply to talk to my first therapist.

Be as honest with them as you can be. It is very unlikely they will reach a decision that soon. If so, you are the employer. Fire them and find another. Finding a therapist is sometimes like dating, looking for the right match. There are stories of counseling sessions like your fears. I believe they are one of two things. Either they are provoking the patient to take a stance or they are not the right therapist for that person.

I wish you luck and a good week end.

With warmth,

Joanna

[DawnOday]

I went through 6 therapy sessions over 30 years each time wanting to reveal myself. It wasn't until my 7th therapy session I said no groups this time. I want to address the 800lb gorilla in the room with you. period. . It is not stress, It is not my mother dying. I want to reveal a lifelong desire to be a woman. Something I prayed for. Something so profound with my being misgendered for a lifetime. When I finally revealed myself I had the answers I had been too scared to ask.
By the third meeting I had my letter. On my second appointment with the MD I was issued estradiol. Now I am starting my second month. All of this in six months. I could have resolved this in 1980 or before actually, if not for fear.

[Mal]

As long as the therapist isn't a "Christian" therapist and is one who specializes in gender identity, you should be fine. I live in the South, and I know it's hard to find therapists like that but it is possible. If you're using insurance, it may be harder because it seems like most of the ones in the South who accept insurance are the "Christian" ones. Also, as Joanna said it sometimes takes seeing different therapists before you find one that's a good match for you.

[TX16]

Thanks everyone!

I have two therapist on my radar, and have an appointment with one on the 27th. Hopefully it goes well. The receptionist that I spoke with was really nice and had a good sense of humor, so I am hopeful. This therapist was also referred to me by another therapist that works with GID but doesn't take my insurance.

[becky.rw]

Maybe using the "believe me/doubt me" construct with regard to a therapist isn't helpful.   You aren't there to convince them of something; they're there to help YOU find a way that you can live YOUR life comfortably and with contentment.   If they aren't doing that job, fire them.

[Jacqueline]

   If they aren't doing that job, fire them.

That is the main point I was making. Just suggesting, sometimes therapy is not easy.

As long as the therapist isn't a "Christian" therapist and is one who specializes in gender identity, you should be fine. I live in the South, and I know it's hard to find therapists like that but it is possible. If you're using insurance, it may be harder because it seems like most of the ones in the South who accept insurance are the "Christian" ones. Also, as Joanna said it sometimes takes seeing different therapists before you find one that's a good match for you.

Mal, speaking as a moderator. I want to caution you that your warnings (while perhaps deserved in certain cases) about Christian therapists are bordering on what we would define as bashing of a particular belief. That would be against the site's Terms of Service # 10

10. Bashing or flaming of an individual or group is not acceptable behavior on this website and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason.  This includes but is not limited to:

    Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term. The same restriction applies to advocating the removal of the T from GLBT.
    Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more or less legitimate, deserving, or real than any others
    Posting any messages that engages in personal attacks and/or is actively or passively aggressive no matter the provocation.

Sincerely,

Joanna

[FTMax]

I agree with Joanna's first post. In my experience (and I've always been hugely distrustful of mental health professionals), therapists are more likely to believe you and not require too much convincing. And just like any other profession - there are loads of therapists out there. If you find yourself with a bad one, you're technically their employer and you can fire them as you see fit.

I was super worried about having to convince someone that I was "trans enough" to get referred for T and top surgery. I worked with 4 different therapists over the course of my medical transition (and I'm at the end now), and not one of them ever remotely made me try to convince them of anything. 

It's typically an easier initial talk if they have experience working with clients who experience gender dysphoria, but even ones that don't can get the gist of what you need/want with a little direction. I think it's good that you were referred by another therapist who does have experience working with trans clients. If you encounter any issues, I think it would be worthwhile to get in touch with that original therapist again and let them know any troubles that you're having. Oftentimes it's easier for colleagues to speak to colleagues when there's tough things to say as opposed to it coming from you.

What you may find it helpful to do to be prepared and calm your anxiety is think about the questions you might encounter on your first visit. Things like: What made you schedule an appointment/what is it that you're needing help with? How long have you been feeling that way? Are you conflicted at all about these feelings? What do you want to do about them? Are there situations in your life that are making this process difficult? Do you have support from family and friends? etc.

[V M]

Hi Mal

I am sorry if you have encountered some bad experiences in your area, I am not the religious type but I do respect other peoples beliefs whether I agree with them or not

Respect is a two way street, it must be given and earned

All of the people I work with in my local area regarding my transgender issues belong to the same Christian based religion and that did make me somewhat worrisome

All of them have behaved in a very respectful and professional manor and have been very helpful with helping me to meet my goals

Which reminds me, I need to get transportation scheduled for my upcoming endo. appt.

Sure, it took some time and research and sometimes that was a bit frustrating because not everyone is going to be accepting or helpful, but in the end it lead to putting together a really good team of people

Best wishes to everyone

Hugs

[Mal]

Joanna and VM,

That's exactly why I put the quotation marks in my post! It's not the religion; it's talking about the therapists that will push conversion therapy. I guess maybe you don't understand that in the Southern US that's something you still have to watch out for.

[Princess_Emilu]

The fear that you're not 'real' is very common and pretty scary to face. Fear that's scary, who would have thought?

But here's the thing... there's not a test or a set of prerequisites you have to meet to be trans etc. Our society heavily scrutinizes us and is always trying to find ways to invalidate us. Unfortunately, most all of us have, to some extent, internalized those feelings to the point of them feeling like our own feelings.

If a therapist doesn't believe you, then they are probably wrong and judging you with their own bias. In that case, you should look for another one because professionals or not, they are still subject to their own views. I really don't believe you will run into that issue though, especially if you find a gender therapist specifically. Either way, your truth does not change.