What an interesting debate!
Personally, I don't see anything wrong in your 'ultimatum' to yourself - it just seems to be another of the choices we have to face on a daily basis - 'would I prefer to transition to less than what I consider perfection or continue to suffer the emotional pain of dysphoria'. That's a decision only you can make as, clearly, you have to live with the consequences.
Other posters to this thread have talked about having realistic goals and I think that is key. For the most part, FFS will work with the anatomy you already have - it can obviously make you look younger through 'lifts' and more feminine through bone work on the brow, nose & chin but, in the end, it won't fundamentally change your face (i.e. your eye separation, position of mouth relative to eyes etc.). A look at the befores and afters on FFS clinic websites underlines this - the individual changes are usually subtle but their combination makes you look and see the face of a woman. What makes the real change is then makeup and I sense that you would be an enthusiastic user of cosmetics. Whilst the whole Caitlyn Jenner circus leaves me cold, she is a great example of this as we were able to see her post FFS-while still presenting as male and compare this to her post transition persona. Through cosmetics, women are far more able to be who and what they want to be.
I would guess that you already have a pretty good idea of how you look pre-FFS but with feminising makeup. This should be your guide and, if your aspiration sits too far from where you are at present, I fear you may be disappointed. That said, you are too early in the process to see the results of your HRT and, as others have observed, you may find that you grow into your new persona as the hormones take hold.
I wish you every success and happiness in your journey,
Amanda
