I need help

[Rachel]

I recommend seeing a therapist and discussing everything. I also recommend having him at a session when you are ready.

No one said you must get married. You are really not in the right mindset to make a long term commitment. It would not be fair to him, even if eventually he will walk.

I got married really late in life. I was very lonely and addicted to alcohol. I met who became my wife in a bar after she and her friend stopped in the pit I was drinking in. They did not fit in and I was avoiding talking to a person that was showing interest. I walked over and found my best friend in life. When my daughter turned 18 our marriage was over and I was losing my wife and daughter. Sex was something I was never interested in and I apologized to her many times in our marriage. I lover her and my daughter dearly. I recently had ffs and neither asked how I was. I texted them a day after.

If you feel that transition is in your future, it sounds like it, then I would make plans accordingly and postpone marriage or at least let him know what in happening with your therapist present.

Being trans without support is very difficult. Feel free to pm me if you want.

[EmberWolfe]

I recommend seeing a therapist and discussing everything. I also recommend having him at a session when you are ready.

No one said you must get married. You are really not in the right mindset to make a long term commitment. It would not be fair to him, even if eventually he will walk.

I got married really late in life. I was very lonely and addicted to alcohol. I met who became my wife in a bar after she and her friend stopped in the pit I was drinking in. They did not fit in and I was avoiding talking to a person that was showing interest. I walked over and found my best friend in life. When my daughter turned 18 our marriage was over and I was losing my wife and daughter. Sex was something I was never interested in and I apologized to her many times in our marriage. I lover her and my daughter dearly. I recently had ffs and neither asked how I was. I texted them a day after.

If you feel that transition is in your future, it sounds like it, then I would make plans accordingly and postpone marriage or at least let him know what in happening with your therapist present.

Being trans without support is very difficult. Feel free to pm me if you want.

Thank you. I just finished writing him a letter explaining some stuff. It is how I told him the first time. I just thought in the last two years I could be ok with not transitioning or anything. But I won't be happy with me unless I do. I just have to give it to him now.. Hope he listens. Hope he understands that I don't want to hurt him or anyone else. Hope that he can talk to me.

We don't have support groups for the LGBT+ community around here where I live. Online is the best I got.

[Jacqueline]

I am sorry you are going through a tough time. I see you have had a lot of suggestions and hope some has helped.

I wanted to welcome you to the site.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Kylo]

How do people find the courage to take this first step..?
how do I do this

This is not an easy thing to do. I honestly think it would have been a breeze for me, if I'd still been just out of my teens and hadn't attached myself to somebody. I think being with a person for several years does affect one's agency in some ways, possibly even rewires the brain a bit. I have been with someone for 10, and he isn't attracted to men, so when I do start taking that testosterone n a week or two, that will be it. After 3 years of talking about it, he still finds the subject as painful as ever and it's pointless to bring it up. In the end, with a partner who cannot compromise, there's 2 options - continue on as friends and see where it goes (or in a platonic relationship perhaps, if you/he can deal with that) or go separate ways. I'm not prepared to go separate ways at this stage so we're just going to have to grow comfortably apart in the physical sense. I HATE the fact that a relationship of 10 years which has taken so much blood sweat and tears is probably going to end up a waste of time but if I forced myself to confront how I really feel I KNOW that I was unhappy and unsatisfied as myself for all of that time anyway. I tried to make others happy before myself every time and I always ended up feeling lousy still, and now he feels lousy too. What I really should have done from day one was think of #1, make myself happy first before others, because all the other efforts achieved was making everyone miserable, including myself. Lesson learned.

We may still have a cool friendship ahead of us. Maybe a platonic relationship if he doesn't decide to go off with somebody else, which is a distinct possibility. I've gone as far down the female road as I can go now though, knowing there's nothing good waiting down it for me, and I have to change roads. If I don't I'll die this way, never knowing if I could have felt - even for 5 minutes - "right" in my skin. And I won't forgive myself for not making sure I know, if I chicken out.