Coming out to kids

[rickkie]

Wondering about coming out to my kids. They are 22 20 and 10. It is my gut that they would be really accepting of me and whilst it would be a huge thing they would be on board in supporting me.

I came out to my wife. She is accepting and trying to be supportive, very shocked and somewhat blindsided but accepting nonetheless. I said to her I wanted to come out to the kids, and she doesn't want me to do so yet.

I am finding this really hard.

I love them so much and hate living a lie, and there is also the fear of them "catching" me, be it seeing me dressed, doing make up or nails or whatever, or be it finding my washing and the like. I feel like this would be detrimental for them to find out in this way.

Also whilst they don't know it makes it all the more difficult to experiment and try things out when I can't do so in my own home for fear of them seeing.

I get that my partner doesn't want things moving too fast, I do, but at the same time is the reality that I am trans and I am going to transition and I don't want to wait to do that. Obviously that transition will take some time and it's not an overnight thing yet it kind of feels like that's how my wife understands it. It's kind of hard to express how hard that is to her.

I want to talk to the girls and explain that I am actually a woman, that I am going to transition so that the outward me matches the inner me and that over time I will change, I will change my clothing, my nails. I will wear make up etc. But that I love them the same I adore and care for them, that I am still Dad and always will be.

I am rambling somewhat here, but I guess I needed to unload that a bit.

[Dena]

I would suggest you tell you wife you have known about this for XX years and if you don't tell your children now, when should you? If you are on HRT it becomes even more important because changes may become visible that they will notice as they have known you for so long. Accidental discovery would be far worst than addressing the issue now and it would eliminate the need for both of you to continue keeping a secret.

If the children are told latter on, they may also feel they are not be be trusted because the information was withheld from them. You will show them that they are trusted the sooner you tell them.

[rickkie]

I would suggest you tell you wife you have known about this for XX years and if you don't tell your children now, when should you? If you are on HRT it becomes even more important because changes may become visible that they will notice as they have known you for so long. Accidental discovery would be far worst than addressing the issue now and it would eliminate the need for both of you to continue keeping a secret.

If the children are told latter on, they may also feel they are not be be trusted because the information was withheld from them. You will show them that they are trusted the sooner you tell them.

Thank you. That's what I think so too. Thanks for conforming my thoughts.


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[SammyGirl]

Rickkie I wish you the best of possible outcomes.  I know that my situation is different with my little boy is only six.  But if you could please at some future date give us a follow up on how you coming out to your three children went.  I'm so worried about how my son would react when I finally get the courage come out.

[rickkie]

Rickkie I wish you the best of possible outcomes.  I know that my situation is different with my little boy is only six.  But if you could please at some future date give us a follow up on how you coming out to your three children went.  I'm so worried about how my son would react when I finally get the courage come out.

I sure will Sammy.


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[Anne Blake]

Hello Rikkie,

I think that I will take the other side on this one. I truly understand the "need" and urgency of bringing out the real you to those that you love and care for.......but.

For me, my wife is the most important person in my life and I expect to live many many more years with her. I need to trust her implicitly and I need for her to know this. I have come out to one son but my wife does not feel right about me coming out to our nine year old granddaughter now. I have to both trust and honor her. If I let Anne rule my choices I may be momentarily happy but at the risk of my life partner. If I wait until she is ready I have deepened the bond between us. I trust that by honoring my wife, my granddaughter, when she learns the story of the situation, will also learn a lesson of love and commitment. Hopefully a win/win outcome.

By the way, my wife's parents (who don't know about Anne) and my granddaughter live within a block of our home and they drop in all the time unannounced. I fully understand how that impacts the spontaneity of Anne's presence around the house.

Best wishes with your choices.

Anne

[rickkie]

Thank you Anne,

I appreciate your honesty and thoughts.