How to deal with relationships

[David27]

I moved to a new state and I'm having trouble meeting people. I want to meet people, but my motivation is 0 because going out costs money and I have no clue how to address being transgender in the dating world. My work buddies recommended me tinder, but I just don't think I can be successful without the proper junk (they don't know I'm trans). Also the money really bothers me because every dollar I spend that isn't gas, food, or rent is a waste in my mind because I will need to save up for at least 5 years for surgery (assuming my next assignment is comparable in living costs). I feel like I can't date/cut loose (I'm not that wild, but I'd like the option to) ever for 5-10 years because of my junk.

TLDR: How do I meet people given my junk is not what they are expecting? Preferably not using online because I'm just another picture.

How do I deal with the fact that I cannot let my guard down for the next 5-10 years?

[Dena]

You  have a number of low cost or zero cost possibilities. Church, charity or possibly your interest in music. If all else fails, visit your local LGBT center and you will be among a group of very open minded people. Dating doesn't have to be expensive and I would think that a partner who values you for your money may not be what you are looking for. A date could be sharing a common interest, visiting a park, zoo or museum and there is alway preparing a home cooked meal and renting a movie.

[FTMax]

I second everything Dena said, and would like to add a means: MeetUp. You can search for hobbies or interests that you have, and it will give you a list of groups in your area that match that interest. It's great because at a minimum, you know you have something in common with these people AND the whole purpose of the groups is to meet up for events in real life. It makes it super easy to get out, meet some new people, and expand your network which could open up opportunities for dating. LGBTQ support groups or social groups are a good idea. Church could be good as well, depending on the kind of church and where you're located.

If you're young, I wouldn't worry too much about money. I think the majority of people my age or younger are all focused on making sure bills get paid with maybe a few indulgences here and there. So it would probably be seen as admirable that you don't go out often because you're saving up for something that matters to you.

FWIW - I've never been told by a woman that my junk is an issue. I'm always up front with people that I'm interested in ("I don't know if it will make a difference to you, but I'm transgender, and I have yet to have SRS. I am planning to have it later this year and I'm totally open to explaining anything you want to know about it.") and I've never had anyone say anything rude or tell me they weren't interested. If you're looking for gay men you may have more of an issue based on what I've heard from other guys, but IME ladies are fairly open minded.

[CMD042414]

I ask myself the same question about dating OP. No one prepare you for how romantically lonely it can be as a trans person. I mean you know it's going to be more so going into it but the reality is, it's even harder tgan expected. I find it quite difficult to find women that are ok with me not having a penis. I wish my experiences this far have been like yours FTMax. In fact l of the trans men I know have a hard time with women. Lesbians want a woman and straight women want a penis. Bisexual women have been the most resistant for me. Everyone always says try queer women but there aren't many of them.

It's a bit like finding a needle in a haystack because you have to be attracted to them too. Perhaps I need to be less picky about who I'm attracted to.

I do agree that being more social increases the chances of meeting someone. I like to expand my acquaintance circle with people that know I am trans, that way if they know someone who knows someone, everyone already knows and theres no need to explain myself.

[SadieBlake]

I think it matters a fair bit where you live. I'm lucky to be in Boston where there's a huge lgbt presence and so it's not at all impossible to find people who care less about the specific bits.

Also you haven't said whether you're more interested in dating women or men. Where I live it's not hard to find lesbian women who know how to accommodate a guy who's still in a female body. My guess is finding the right gay or bisexual guy could be more difficult but I'm not anywhere near as connected to the gay community as I am to the lesbian and pansexual arenas.

I second the idea of pursuing interests first and seeing who you meet along the way. On the flip side I'd consider saving a little less in service of living a happier life as a male. The problem with planning 5-10 years out is that more things will change in those years and the state of trans surgery will change as will your feelings about it. I love your plan and your dedication to it, just something to think about.

[David27]

I'm in to women and I don't want to seek out bisexual or queer women because I wouldn't want to be thought of in a female way. I personally want to avoid places with large amounts of LGBT people because I will be more visible, San Francisco for example. My job will take me near areas with higher populations for the region, which typically increases LGBT acceptance.

Most of my interests with the exception of video games are very cheap. I have active based interests, but being disabled is a buzz kill when you know you are the weakest link. Saving for surgery or not I'm still pretty cheap. A $10 dollar meal is like 3 days of lunch or a half month of dinner for me. Part of saving money is like a game to me, so there is some enjoyment when I've weighed the cost/quality of a product.

Thanks for the advice guys.