Came out to dad.

[supergirl23]

He thinks that because he felt the same way as a child and he did not transition that this is basically just a phase. How do I get him to think that this isn't a phase. He wants me to go see a therapist that specialises in transgender issues to make sure that I really am transsexual.

Apparently my father had the same feelings that he didn't like the way he looked, and that he had always thought he was ugly too. I don't know what I am supposed to say to that. Like I have always wanted to be  a girl and always dreamt about it since I was little. But he hasn't.

He says that he felt he didn't fit in with the other guys either but he didn't do anything because he was young and he was just beginning his life. I guess he thought it was just a phase.

I'm seeing my current therapist on tuesday, but she really isn't specialized in transgender issues so I'm thinking about going to one that has dealt with more than my current therapist has.

My parents really know how to put doubts in my head because now I'm starting to think I'm nowhere in the spectrum. Even though being transgender fit my childhood almost perfectly.

If I'm not anywhere on the spectrum, then I don't know what I am or why I had always prayed to become a girl. And why all of my imaginary friends were all girls.   Or why I always thought I was ugly.  But really before I started researching transgender issues, I wasn't unhappy with being a guy, I had just thought that being a crossdresser was a thing that turned me on. And I was never ever depressed about being a guy. I never had dysphoria like all of you. Neither physical or social. I just didn't like the way I looked.

I'm starting to think that this transgender thing was just a phase, like my father said. it's too bad really because I was just starting to become okay with being transgender.

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[Amanda_Combs]

Well, it's good that you've been making progress towards accepting yourself.  The most important thing is to accept/be good to yourself.  So you really need to separate accepting yourself and getting the approval of others.  For me, My wife knows, and is obviously not "happy" about it, but she tries.  My parents are the opposite of accepting things like this, so I haven't told them.  But I recognize that my feelings are indicative of who I am.  I still try to make others happy.  What else can I do when I love them?  But I know me, and no one else can convince me of who/what I am.  I try to just keep doing things, things that are good for me, as often as possible.  My point is to take care of and trust yourself first and foremost. 

[Dena]

You could be transsexual or you might fit somewhere in the non binary. If your current therapist is not skilled in this area, it would be a good idea for you to see a gender therapist so you understand where you fit. On of the most difficult non binary conditions to understand is bigender or gender fluid. If you are this, your identity will vary between male and female often switching in a relatively short period of time. I am not sure if I gave you this link but you might want to read about this in our WIKI .

[Elis]

There's a difference between feeling like an ugly man and feeling ugly because you don't look like a 'typical' female. I think that's probably what you're dad's getting confused about. Maybe explain that to him as well as that you can't diagnose a trans person just like you can't diagnose a cis person. Sending him links about dysphoria the latest science on what causes a trans person to be trans would also be helpful.

[supergirl23]

There's a difference between feeling like an ugly man and feeling ugly because you don't look like a 'typical' female. I think that's probably what you're dad's getting confused about. Maybe explain that to him as well as that you can't diagnose a trans person just like you can't diagnose a cis person. Sending him links about dysphoria the latest science on what causes a trans person to be trans would also be helpful.

That's a very good point. I completely forgot to mention dysphoria to him. But I did try to explain to him that there was a difference between the way he felt and the way I feel. He did watch the latest episode of Through the Wormhole though. It almost perfectly explained the science of gender identity. But I don't really think it actually made sense to him.

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[supergirl23]

But you know what, screw what my parents think. I know that what I feel is real. It is not an act or some way of feeling like I am a part of something. I know I have always wanted to be a female. Ever since I was four.
I may not have been unhappy as a male, but this week was probably one of the happiest weeks in quite awhile, allowing myself to feel like a woman.  I don't know why I even doubt that I am transsexual anymore.

I will be transitioning and if it isn't right for me ( but it most likely will be ) then I can say that I tried it and I will move on.

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[Asheylov]

hey super girl

i really do know what your going through. I'm coming out to my parents this Sunday the 25th. but I've got a 5 page letter that they will read and my aunt will be with me as she supports me.

its a simple take it how i am or i move out and continue with my way.

but in your case, ill be in the same boat they will try to change your mind or convince your not. but i hope you get support with family and friends and follow your heart.

[becky.rw]

He thinks that because he felt the same way as a child and he did not transition that this is basically just a phase. How do I get him to think that this isn't a phase. He wants me to go see a therapist that specialises in transgender issues to make sure that I really am transsexual.

Well, however either of you think of the gender issue; his suggested course of action is the correct one.   Find a gender therapist without an agenda (either way), one that just wants to help you find the way forward in happily living your life.     That is perfect advice.     I've forgotten your age, but a few sessions with the therapist can help you make a serious decision like whether to pause puberty or not, based on rational thought, rather than impulsive desire or fear.

[Nuuni]

When I look in the mirror, I see a handsome guy. It just isn't ME. Big difference between "ugly" and "not me".