advice for a unique situation

[smallfinch]

I'm having a bit of a difficult time right now, and I'm not sure what exactly i can do.
Background info basically is that im 16, and an exchange student. I'm living away from my home and support system for 10 months.

I knew for a while (3-4 years) that i wasnt exactly cis and just this year before I left the US i told my closest friends and mom that im nb/genderqueer, and i was really happy!! everybody was supportive and even though me and my mom had some tough discussions about it, it was mostly me explaining things and helping her understand everything (she's very supportive of me, through everything ive been through)

Since ive been in northern Europe, away from home for a grand total of 4 weeks, i sorta realized something. i dont think that im nb but actually trans male- which im happy i figured out!! saying i was nb never sit quite right and it feels really good to start accepting myself and not pushing down my feelings anymore but it also brought a lot of new problems.

Back in the US, i had virtually no problems being 'me'; i didnt care about what i wore, where i shopped, ect. I still very much disliked people using she/her to refer to me but i never felt sure enough to come out & start correcting people.

But now that im here, i dont have very many friends (hardly anybody that talks to me speaks enough English + i dont know enough of the language here yet), my host family also has a hard time with English and that leaves me alone by myself and just thinking a lot.
Dysphoria is hitting me harder than ever before. i almost cried when i realized that i forgot to take my binder, even though i could never wear it here which hurts just as much. i feel extra upset inside now when somebody refers to me as a girl or uses she/her, like being alone made everything magnified and more intense. I dont know how to cope with these feelings, and i feel like im just drained. the reality is that i wont be able to actively do anything to help myself until after my exchange year and that on top of trying to live in the moment has been really stressing me out   

Everything basically boils down to this- im trying to come up with ways to just make it through this next year, any advice on ways to help with dysphoria & to get out of this funk is such a help.

(also: i dont have any trans friends i can talk to/vent to this about and even though most of my friends are lgbtqa+ they are 7 hours behind and 5,000 miles away. we're all hurting still from recent events that happened in our community involving lgbtqa+ people and its been rough on all of us to be split up.)

[Jacqueline]

Tough spot to be in.

I want to welcome you to the site. I hope you find some contact here and some good advice. Not sure I can give it but can empathize.

Are there any therapists or counselors in the area that might speak english? That might be a starting point. I know that for most of us, trying to move beyond dysphoria is about staying busy and distracted. Hobbies, dancing, workouts, music, volunteering. Until therapy or HRT, distraction is the most powerful ally.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

[PizzaPie]

I'm having a bit of a difficult time right now, and I'm not sure what exactly i can do.
Background info basically is that im 16, and an exchange student. I'm living away from my home and support system for 10 months.

I knew for a while (3-4 years) that i wasnt exactly cis and just this year before I left the US i told my closest friends and mom that im nb/genderqueer, and i was really happy!! everybody was supportive and even though me and my mom had some tough discussions about it, it was mostly me explaining things and helping her understand everything (she's very supportive of me, through everything ive been through)

Since ive been in northern Europe, away from home for a grand total of 4 weeks, i sorta realized something. i dont think that im nb but actually trans male- which im happy i figured out!! saying i was nb never sit quite right and it feels really good to start accepting myself and not pushing down my feelings anymore but it also brought a lot of new problems.

Back in the US, i had virtually no problems being 'me'; i didnt care about what i wore, where i shopped, ect. I still very much disliked people using she/her to refer to me but i never felt sure enough to come out & start correcting people.

But now that im here, i dont have very many friends (hardly anybody that talks to me speaks enough English + i dont know enough of the language here yet), my host family also has a hard time with English and that leaves me alone by myself and just thinking a lot.
Dysphoria is hitting me harder than ever before. i almost cried when i realized that i forgot to take my binder, even though i could never wear it here which hurts just as much. i feel extra upset inside now when somebody refers to me as a girl or uses she/her, like being alone made everything magnified and more intense. I dont know how to cope with these feelings, and i feel like im just drained. the reality is that i wont be able to actively do anything to help myself until after my exchange year and that on top of trying to live in the moment has been really stressing me out   

Everything basically boils down to this- im trying to come up with ways to just make it through this next year, any advice on ways to help with dysphoria & to get out of this funk is such a help.

(also: i dont have any trans friends i can talk to/vent to this about and even though most of my friends are lgbtqa+ they are 7 hours behind and 5,000 miles away. we're all hurting still from recent events that happened in our community involving lgbtqa+ people and its been rough on all of us to be split up.)

Ahh that sounds really hard! I agree that distraction is a good tactic, and I can also suggest small gestures of solidarity. Have you heard of how a lot of asexuals wear a black ring the middle finger of their right hand? Maybe you could come up with something like that for your trans identity, perhaps finding a symbol that's in a lot of trans related art or even making one up! I remember before I came out, I would draw things like the trans symbol say, on the top of my arm underneath my clothes which helped me a little to feel less alone.  How conservative is the family you stay with? I'm not sure what the situation is or whether you're considering coming out to them. I'd be totally happy if you wanted to vent to me (for context I'm 16 too, an American living in England, also ftm (whoop, welcome to the crew!)) when that's possible.
Other stuff that I hope will help

• Yoga. Yes, I know I know the stereotypes. I called Mermaids once (a British youth trans helpline) and they told me to try pilates and yoga. I totally scoffed it off but I tried both a couple months later and actually found that it helped get my mind in a better place and relate to what my body can DO, not what it looks like (running is also awesome for this, I've found). Because if you want to transition then nothing will stop you from doing so even if it takes time, but if you work on the things you're passionate about now then when the time comes and you do transition (if that's what you want to do) then you will not only be the person you want to SEE yourself as, but you'll internally be the person you want to me as well. Sorry for the cheesiness there XD  Also, I don't know if you have problems with dissociation, but personally it's like the only thing that can help in that regard
  
• Just know that the trans community is always present, even if invisible. Even walking around in your nearest town where you are, you have probably walked past or interacted with another trans person online without knowing it.
  

You're totally doing the right thing by getting online btw

I wish you the absolute best of luck and I hope you can still find a way to enjoy you're exchange!
Nyzha

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[yewboy]

You said that you can't bind where you are. Is that only because you forgot your binder, or due to your host family?

Can you buy another one online? If it's any help I'm in Germany and able to procure and send on one if you have trouble with ordering for whatever reason (I can think of lots!).

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