No idea if it's like this for anyone else

[link5019]

So it's been 6 full months of transition for me. It's been an amazing ride, and I can't wait to see the next 6 months and what developments I'll have. but ever since I hit 6 months, it's like a switch has flipped on inside me. SRS is no longer a "ehhhh, no big deal I can wait", now it's more of a "I wish I could have it tomorrow, omg why do we have to have these stupid gatekeeper rules." It's like SRS was not always an urgent thing to have, but now it is to me. But being only 6 months hrt and 3 months RLE, SRS is a long way off both financially and time wise.

Just the idea of living another day with a penis scares me, and I hate that it's attached to me every single day. It's like the genital dysphoria just got worse after 6 months. It's been bringing my mood down and I'm not quite sure how to handle it some days, and I'm sure it's like this for some transwomen too, but I just I wonder. It just seems like the only option is to push through and hope for the best.

[kathb31]

I'm about 2 years into the journey now and at the beginning I didn't think SRS was
that important to me (so many other things to worry about I guess). Now I admit
that I've been thinking about it a lot lately and wondering how I can really be the
woman I'm supposed to be if I have a penis. Now just the thought of having one causes
me pain.

[kaitylynn]

Over this past 11 months, I have had several weeks where my dysphoria feels out of control and I have to really stay focused on positive things happening.  I can recall one being "6 months"...it felt like I was hyper dysphoric.  Part of that was simply that I was sure of my footing and SRS is a part of my process coming up.  It is also the point at which I started to feel 'stuck in the middle'.  It is genitalia that I really never asked for.  It is that the process seems to be slow and impatience slips in.  It is that I cannot really see what others appear to be seeing.

This is where I really leaned on my supportive peer group and have been able to push through what we are feeling and experiencing. 

[link5019]

Over this past 11 months, I have had several weeks where my dysphoria feels out of control and I have to really stay focused on positive things happening.  I can recall one being "6 months"...it felt like I was hyper dysphoric.  Part of that was simply that I was sure of my footing and SRS is a part of my process coming up.  It is also the point at which I started to feel 'stuck in the middle'.  It is genitalia that I really never asked for.  It is that the process seems to be slow and impatience slips in.  It is that I cannot really see what others appear to be seeing.

This is where I really leaned on my supportive peer group and have been able to push through what we are feeling and experiencing.

That's honestly how I feel right now at 6 months of transition. feeling stuck in the middle. But as you said, the process is slow and impatience tends to slip in, which I have been really impatient the past two weeks. It's hard to be patient for something, but we make it in the end, it's just remembering that it's all worth it that's hard. I have that same issue seeing what others see sometimes. But it is reassuring knowing I'm seen as a female, even to most who see me looking like a AFAB, which is amazing. I actually don't have any kind of supporitve peer group or anything like that locally around me so I've been handling this with a few online friends, and myself, while dealing with my family that is not so accepting.

[link5019]

I'm about 2 years into the journey now and at the beginning I didn't think SRS was
that important to me (so many other things to worry about I guess). Now I admit
that I've been thinking about it a lot lately and wondering how I can really be the
woman I'm supposed to be if I have a penis. Now just the thought of having one causes
me pain.

Exactly! It's such a painful thought. I wish that the requirement to have 1 year of HRT and RLE wasn't a thing, but sadly it is. Though even if it wasn't a thing, I don't exactly have the money for SRS but I'm working towards it.

[kaitylynn]

I spent some time thinking of my therapist and doctors as 'gatekeepers' at about 6 months, but now I see it a little different.  Can actually see the process moving through and having some dampening of forward motion is actually a welcome thing.  I am planning and prepping for SRS.  It is known to all my doctors and I have both my therapists.  Having the time to grow in to my changing 'new normal' at each point where I see it has changed.

It sounds like you are where I was at six months.  Wanted things to move quick, glad they are not though.

[link5019]

I spent some time thinking of my therapist and doctors as 'gatekeepers' at about 6 months, but now I see it a little different.  Can actually see the process moving through and having some dampening of forward motion is actually a welcome thing.  I am planning and prepping for SRS.  It is known to all my doctors and I have both my therapists.  Having the time to grow in to my changing 'new normal' at each point where I see it has changed.

It sounds like you are where I was at six months.  Wanted things to move quick, glad they are not though.

Exactly! I want them to move quick, but at the same time, I'm glad they aren't because I want it to go at the pace it's meant to go at. I don't want to rush it, but at the same time I want it to go  fast lol. I have no clue what I'll do for therapists to be honest. I have one I think who could write a letter, but that leaves me to find one other which is the hard part. Basically everyone knows I'm going to go for SRS too. I hope I'll be at a similar point you are when I get to 11 months. XD but when it takes 3 - 5 years to develop, it takes a lonnggggg time, so all you really have is being patient and waiting.