Weddings?
I think it was in the Journal for Ritual Studies, or something like that, where I read an essay on "coming out" from a queer perspective. Predictably, "coming out" was described in ritual terms. A rite of passage, even. A "rite of passage" is a social process whereby one effects a change in one's social status. In ancient times, it was commonly used to mark the transition from childhood to adulthood. Today we still use them, primarily for weddings. Actually, thinking about "coming out" (and ritual itself) in terms of a wedding is pretty damn useful.
Weddings in our culture have three basic stages. First, there are "rites of separation" which established the fact that a change of social status (through ritual) is even going to take place -- there's the proposal, the engagement ring, parties and showers, and so forth. During this period, the ritual participants enter a liminal state -- they're not married yet, but they're not exactly single, either. The liminal state culminates in rites of transition -- the formal wedding and pronouncement of being married, whereby the change in social state takes place. This is followed by "rites of incorporation" to end the period of liminality and bring the couple back into society -- we have a reception, a honeymoon, and a period of "being newlyweds." Eventually there's nothing special about the couple anymore.
Well, except that now everyone treats them differently, simply because of this ritual.
Get Your Gay On
So, let's think about coming out in terms of changing social state. For example, when I came out as "queer" (bisexual/pansexual), it was done through a kind of ritual that was repeated over and over again (and which continues periodically to be enacted) whereby I took someone aside (separation), told them I wasn't straight (transition), and then ended the conversation with a new social understanding (incorporation), namely that they shouldn't assume I'm straight or, in the rare case of objection, get out of my life. For anyone who's gay or lesbian, this should be a pretty familiar process.
After coming out, we are forever known as being, well, not normal, and many people will treat us differently. But this also grants us access to a different set of relationships. By coming out, we are now free to pursue whatever queer sexual relationships we desire. Become part of a community. And, of course, we get to be "honest" about who we are, insofar as you want to practice that which brings you happiness.
It's not dissimilar for, say, Pagans or people who practice an alternative religion (or none at all, for that matter). People with hidden disabilities often have to come out in order to receive proper treatment from the people around them, as well as medical professionals. We even come out upon hearing of a terminal illness, to prepare for the rituals of death.
We do all these things so that people will treat us differently.
Transition
It's much the same for transition, but with some significant differences. There's the ritual of coming out, of course, announcing to people that a major change is going to take place. But not unlike coming out with a terminal illness, coming out for transition is itself a rite of separation, not the whole rite of passage. There are still an incredible amount of transitional rites to accomplish (both surgical and bureaucratic), many of which are done in the liminal state where gender is ambiguous.
Notice that when we come out as trans, we're asking people to treat us differently. In two different respects -- first, simply to acknowledge our liminality. Secondly, and more importantly, we ask people to gender us differently than before. We also come out in order to access the procedures (HRT, surgery, paperwork) that will change our social status from one thing to another thing.
And this is by and large fantastic! Well, of course, it depends on how the news is received, but in general the expectation is that we now get to perform ourselves differently, and interact with people differently, all while our bodies are (hopefully) changing.
However, when does the ritual end? What are our rites of incorporation?
A Certain Lack of Aftercare
The answer to that question is that "it depends." In large part because, relatively speaking, this ritual process is pretty new, certainly in comparison to weddings. And in large part because not everyone is looking for the same thing -- or able to attain it due to social situations, medical hurdles, financial obstacles, what have you. It ultimately depends on what you want and when you've decided you've gotten it.
In this day and age, the order of our rites is not set in stone. Depending on where you live, you can get your documentation in order before any medical procedures are complete -- for most this isn't the case, though, and for some there is no recourse to getting your changes documented (which is a form of "sanctioning.") Maybe it's that last session with a therapist (still pretty much the "witch doctors" or priestesses of the rite), or that final confirming surgery and after-party, in person or online. Maybe it's the day you first have sex in your new body. Or maybe it's the day you pack your bags and head out to a new location, to begin a new life. In general, I think it's SRS (or GCS, whatever you want to call it) that's taken as the final rite. But I don't think that's right. There's still recuperation, and a period of time reintegrating into society.
So the end of transition can feel like everything sort of sputtering out. There are no more changes to make, not physical ones in any case. Most post-ops drift away from their local communities -- either burned out, or just moving on. There's no longer a big rush to get this thing done. It's done.
So then what?
Coming Out
The ritual is imperfect.
One might decide to transition, and do everything in your power, but how society receives you isn't going to be nearly as consistent as it is for our married couple. When you're married, everyone acknowledges you're married. (Even for people who break their vows, or encourage such through an affair, they will be held to a different standard than non-married couples who break up.) But after transition, you might get gendered completely wrong, or completely right, or somewhere in-between. And what you get can totally shape where you'll go next.
The fact is, how we get gendered on a daily basis has very little to do with our ritual status. (Unlike married people, who can wear a ring in lieu of perpetually coming out.) And this is largely because the normative genders of male and female are assigned automatically based first on physiology and secondly on social interaction. People don't "come out" as male or female. Or straight, for that matter (unless you're in a gay bar) -- remember, it's only when you're looking to change your social status from "the norm" that you need to come out.
So there are generally two paths taken after transition is presumably over. First, one continues to come out, to maintain the social status of trans. And there are all kinds of excellent reasons to do this, but I think they all boil down to taking control of the narrative. The narrative might be born of being visibly transgendered, and you're put in the position of continually educating people how to treat you. Or because you're socially rooted in the narrative of transition that was previously established, and you want to expand your social network in a way that maintains all your extant relationships. Or maybe you've decided to be an activist, or regularly involved with the community, in which case being out is necessary -- either you need the narrative to participate to best help people on their journeys, or you want to shape how the narrative is received by the public at large.
These are all fine and worthy intentions, and especially in the latter case, none of us would be here today if it weren't for the power of coming out.
And then there are people who are consistently gendered in the manner they always wanted, by other people as well as themselves. They gone past the liminal state, and they like it. In which case, "coming out" is contraindicated. Because then it's, as always, pretty much asking other people to treat you differently than before. Because it is a matter of changing your social state. In this case, the "rites of incorporation" are simply those of being gendered correctly, to the point where you don't even notice it anymore. The ritual is over, once and for all.
Only you can decide which rituals are best for you.
