Thinking out loud

[Satinjoy]

I'm beginning to wonder if I am 100% female and not just non binary......how odd🤨

When I and stealth female it is an immersive experience.   It took a long time for things to really stabilize and for me to understand who and why and all the other things that are involved.

There even was a point where female vs male vs trans vs everything just blended into a me.  And as time progressed it became more stable.

However when I lived full time she, I found myself more and more swallowed by that.  I like being a she better than the social strain of being and androgyne or male in presentation.   Androgyne would be truth, male, is not, its a disguise.    I just don't identify as male.

And I don't identify as female either, because of the fundamental things I find are different.  I have components of female, but not all of them, its an idetification thing, its just that I know I am not a female.

Leaving me in the nonbinary identity.  But, it is still a very feminine identity, to be sure, when I am fully immersed in that truth, that reality.

I think in the end its not too important.

My wife would have left me if I was binary ts.  Because I am and androgyne and say so, she is comfortable with being with me.   Having the penis is the deal breaker for her, and a major annoyance for me, but I can get around it.  It hurts but not as much as losing her would hurt.   

So, the straight woman can hang with me, and I have real boobs, real transitioned body, sleep in very nice lingerie (oops tmi), and don't ever wear male underthings.

Everyone is different.  And there can be a blurred line between nonbinary and binary trans, and frankly, its fine.   

Your truth is your own, and the journey is a journey with an unpredictable destination  that becomes more clear as time goes on.

Your pics are drop dead gorgeous by the way, no wonder you are getting hit on, its eye candy.

Just saying.   Nothing intended  but its good to let you know.

[Drexy/Drex]

You have provided a very interesting insight Satin I look forward to answering you in depth
after wrk

[Drexy/Drex]

When I and stealth female it is an immersive experience.   It took a long time for things to really stabilize and for me to understand who and why and all the other things that are involved.

There even was a point where female vs male vs trans vs everything just blended into a me.  And as time progressed it became more stable.

However when I lived full time she, I found myself more and more swallowed by that.  I like being a she better than the social strain of being and androgyne or male in presentation.   Androgyne would be truth, male, is not, its a disguise.    I just don't identify as male.

And I don't identify as female either, because of the fundamental things I find are different.  I have components of female, but not all of them, its an idetification thing, its just that I know I am not a female.

Leaving me in the nonbinary identity.  But, it is still a very feminine identity, to be sure, when I am fully immersed in that truth, that reality.

I think in the end its not too important.

My wife would have left me if I was binary ts.  Because I am and androgyne and say so, she is comfortable with being with me.   Having the penis is the deal breaker for her, and a major annoyance for me, but I can get around it.  It hurts but not as much as losing her would hurt.   

So, the straight woman can hang with me, and I have real boobs, real transitioned body, sleep in very nice lingerie (oops tmi), and don't ever wear male underthings.

Everyone is different.  And there can be a blurred line between nonbinary and binary trans, and frankly, its fine.   

Your truth is your own, and the journey is a journey with an unpredictable destination  that becomes more clear as time goes on.

Your pics are drop dead gorgeous by the way, no wonder you are getting hit on, its eye candy.

Just saying.   Nothing intended  but its good to let you know.

You know Satin it's almost as if you've read my mind so much of what you say I can mirror in
myself but have articulated it far more succinctly and eloquently then I could.
I generally find I just feel "I am " no specific gender but I don't think I've ever been a real male except physically, when I had FFS surgery I asked the Dr not to make me too pretty...he did a good job as I do look fairly androgynous.
Thank you for the complement...it's amazing what good make-up can do but that's not my everyday look
I would like to experience full immersion .my problem I guess is body size
I empathize with your situation re your wife , you are very lucky and it's fair enough , i think if I'm to ever have a partner I will have to do the same
I haven't sleep with anyone since beginning my transition and I wonder how it will go
And than you so much for sharing that😘

[Satinjoy]

Its a pleasure.



Thank you.

[Drexy/Drex]

Hmmm latest Freudian faux pas....
"I'll just sit down here and gaze into your soft blue eyes" 😅
getting off the bus "are you coming Hun " 🤣
My friend asked for a photo of me to send to her friend in Argentina...,she told me laughing that he thought I was a girl ...lol how about that !

[LizK]

Hmmm latest Freudian faux pas....
"I'll just sit down here and gaze into your soft blue eyes"
getting off the bus "are you coming Hun "
My friend asked for a photo of me to send to her friend in Argentina...,she told me laughing that he thought I was a girl ...lol how about that !

OMG...OMG... your coming out at work handed to you on a platter, it could all have been over really quickly...your reply could have been..."hmmmm have I got a story for you...." LOL problem solved...just kidding I know its far more complicated than that for you....but just for a moment 

Take care
Liz

[Drexy/Drex]

Awesome Liz your such a doll.😘.....yes it's getting çloser

[Drexy/Drex]

I just feel I need to get in better shape first get that femme figure.... But I've worked  with this Crew long enough
that when the time comes..... I'll  front up.... I have no back off or back down..... In fact drexy is  way more outspoken  then he was in fact he woulda rather swum with sharks  than speak publicly.... However our recent tool box meeting  I took on management in a amicable  form in front of the crew to get some defects  that affect our safety in machine  operation  quite passionately.... totally  surprised..... Just like management  was lol,  I would  have died before
Most recent  faux pat..... getting on the plane I made  a room for a workmate  ..."he said ladies first " I didn't  reply I just took the offer 😉

The guys and me having a few drinks at the Tom price hotel 😝
(a bit too many)

The latest faux pax as I made room for workmate to get on the plane... He said matter factly " ladies  first " hmm
Then at the bar I got to chatting to a work mate we were talking  about weight loss the gym etc I remarked that had rearranged my face due to a new body building  project.... then I said well really it was because during my last job in Mexico  I got made so I had cosmetic  surgery  as part of an escape plan... Then I said.. Just kidding  and then with a smile maybe😆
He  finally  acknowledged my face mods... It amazing  just how polite people are anyway he remarked what a beast I was when a body builder I agreed and said yes he was absent mindly ... We dwelled on that for a while,
I get the feeling that mostly  everybody has an idea but are content to just watch the show some of the men were standoffish and suspicious  of me at first but have since mellowed towards me.

[Drexy/Drex]

Today since I'm On break I went to my gym for what must be the first time in a year I was warming up on the recumbent cycle when I saw an instructor I knew walk past she put some gear away then she walked right in front  of me looked at me gave a professional  smile and walked on.. Now this woman is a gorgeous  Amazon and when I was Markie she adored me had the hots for me always  on seeing me a big effusive greeting...
However as you can see she didn't  recognize  me i was just another  gym user !!!
So I guess I must look very different it's ironic  I guess I could have just started  a whole new life the change being that marked but at my age it would  be difficult anyway what I'm doing   is much more interesting  I think😊


.....

[JudiBlueEyes]

So you guess you might look different?  Well YES.  You look great Drexy!  Sounds like the gang is being polite, yet a bit confused.
Judi

[Satinjoy]

There is a nonbinary  transsexual actress named Shakina that I have had the pleasure of working with.

You might want to google her or look her up on facebook.   She is quite badass, and fierce and loving.

And she is bald, though when wigged, is stunningly gorgeous passing female.

Jut thinking out loud.  There are some similarities I could see, I think.

She is an amazing person.  It might just be fun for you to follow her or try to catch something she is in.

I'm just thinking, nothing more. 

Activist, she is.  And very serious player in the NY theater.  Very NB, post op, intense, full transition and powerful trans warrior.

[LizK]

Total 100% male fail ....you don't have to announce anything I think you just have to fill in the missing details...sounds like they have gotten most of it anyway LOL Once they realise you are not a threat to their masculinity then they seem to relax. From what you describe since your return from Mexico they have been piecing things together and maybe the more astute amongst them has a good idea...the rest probably don't care as long as you are no threat to them.

I suspect if you turned up at the wetness as Drexy none of them would bat an eyelid but simply mutter..."figures" and go back to their beers.

This is the perfect example of what I have talked about when it comes to passing but in this case its the opposite. Your work colleagues are suspicious of what is going on with you but even though your incident on the plane appears like they know, imagine his response if you had turned around and smiled sweetly at him saying "how did you know"...the point I am making is this...there is a big difference between suspecting someone may be trans or not as they appear but if you break the social morays by wrongly accusing someone of being the sex they are not, then you are the one most likely to be ostracised. So people are unlikely to publicly say anything even if they suspect. The same goes for passing...if you put enough doubt in some ones head then they are unlikely to out you, but accept you as the person they see before them. The possibility of getting it wrong and being publicly ostracised is enough to keep the vast majority of people from ever saying anything.

Take care
Liz

[Drexy/Drex]

Thanks Judi 😊👍 yes I guess they are well it's good I look good ....maybe I look good to them too lol even more confusion

Satinjoy I looked her up ....wow she's awesome I still have to more study on her ...I would never have thought she was bald like me .😉😊

You know Liz you are.one smart lady ....thanks for extrapolating that it really makes sense
That is such an interesting interplay of psychology..
Well I guess it's official I look much different than I did wow the tricks ones mind plays on one
But then again I went to my first bodypump class today there was an instructor I trained with and who lead my classes for over a decade as well as some other classmates ...none who recognized me ....even my cop gym buddy walked right past me and didn't see me .....so weird
I was going in for the sat morning class where there plenty of people who know of me to morrow.....the acid test ....but seems I have the flu darn it ....
Thanks so much for replying lady's  I value you your input
I
.

[Satinjoy]

Lol

I'm not a lady but love the compliment.

Shakina cast me in a starring Broadway role in a show that has not funded yet.

Fun, right?

Problem is that I may not be able to do it since I had to let go of NY because of business issues in FL.

She's amazing.  Terrific writer and director, bad ass actor.

You have a similar feel in your gender to me.

[LizK]

TI was going in for the sat morning class where there plenty of people who know of me to morrow.....the acid test ....but seems I have the flu darn it ....
Thanks so much for replying lady's  I value you your input
I
.

How was it?

[Satinjoy]

Going to that class will probably help all of us..you being true is huge...thats being the warrior heart....

[Drexy/Drex]

I didn't make that one the flu knocked me out ,however Sundays class is big so I will be well enough to go

I spent some time reading about Shakina very impressive being wow you must be quite talented
If I could be 1/4 the same  it would be good 
I'm flattered
Tomorrow Liz I will test it out 😚

[Satinjoy]

She has me alternating woth Kate Bornstien in one of the starring roles of her show but I'm not supposed yo talk about it.  I am Kates backup.

If you dont know Kate google her.

Yeah I'm well known among the NYC trans actors.  Publically not so much.

None of that matters though except as it relates to helping the cause.

When i started dance class in NY, it was the big icebreaker, forst non drag trans actor in studio.  The ripple effect has been huge and is still spreading, it changed their perception of trans grom queens yo omg thats another gender.

I dance nb.  Its unique.

So these events humanize us and shatter stereotypes.  And that is a big deal.

But yeah, im trying to figure out what i am doing now, im back in fl and my theater career is up in the air.

If Shakinas show launches you need to see it.  I will know about it, she wants me and Kate in the show.

Kate is legendary.  I love working with her.

She wrote Gender Outlaw and was a groundbreaker for nonbinary trans.

Wonderful woman, all heart.  And terrific actress.

They all are, the NY trans theater talent is deep and very strong.

Im just glad i got to be part of it.

Be you.  The gender binary for a nonbinary human is a trap for us, it unbalances our gender.   Feel the feelings and your core as it observes what is true and what is forced. 

You are gunna do great.

Feel better honey.

[Drexy/Drex]

Thanks for your faith in me..... your perception  runs true 😊
I am looking  forward  to articulating  self to cis people... I want to create a good appreciation......hopefully  being self will do that......
Your life sounds amazing  it's funny  but I find  the more I'm myself the easier  life seems to be.....
Thank you

[Satinjoy]

Ah my dear one it was not easy but very worth it.

Just be careful.  Truth comes with a cost but also ots own rewards.

My story os an intense one, now i am home in a beautiful place sleeping in my straihht ciswifes loving arms, full transition no op.

Its so interesting to be a full transition androgyne.  I need that, its complicated to explain it, defies boxes. 

But ots been danherous, heartbreaking, and fullfilling.

The nonbinary diamond tihhtrope of yrans.  Cuts our feet as we spread our wings and learn to fly.