Feels & Frustration

[November Fox]

I have the feels for a guy who is poly(amorous) and has a busy life. Back when I identified as a chick he liked me, so I had a little talk with him and asked if he´d be willing to explore things now that I identify as male.

He said he was, which is great, however I get very frustrated when I don´t see him for a while (a week seems like an eternity). This was to be expected considering he has two other lovers, so it´s not like I could not see it coming.

My issue right now is I´m not sure how to relate to him now as a guy. I want to give him some space and not claim him too much, at the same time this feeling of frustration is a total pain.

I was wondering if people here could relate. And how you´d deal with it.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Sounds more like an open relationship than polyamorous relationship...or I mean, it just seems to me polyamory is more effective when all parties know, acknowledge, and love each other equally, whereas it seems like you dont seem to even know his two other lovers.

If he only agreed to try things out and you dont seem to connect with him well I unfortunately dont see that working well. But...well hey I could be wrong, try to set up more dates with him and find common ground, he might grow to acknowledge and understand you better, especially since he's open to giving you a chance.

[November Fox]

I connect with him okay when he is here, just not sure how to deal with my feels when he isn´t around.

In girl mode it somehow seemed easier, I had less of a problem being more attached back then, but I feel like I need space around me now and give him space as well. Just don´t know how to deal with the "feels" in the meantime. I don´t want to be the type that texts constantly, or something similar.

PS. I looked it up and polyamory doesn´t necessarily involve all lovers loving each other too. It pretty much means that you can have multiple lovers (and your lovers all know about each others existence). They can live togheter but don´t have to. It isn´t necessarily the same thing as a love triangle.

In an open relationship you have a relationship with one person but allow that other person to have something on the outside. That´s how I understand it.

[FTMax]

I briefly considered dating a girl who was polyamorous. It seems every polyamorous relationship functions a bit differently, so you may want to see what the dynamics of his are. With the girl I was talking to, she had a primary partner and was also dating two other people. Her primary partner was also dating at least one other person at the time. Perk of being the primary relationship was that they had veto power over the others. I also have a friend who was in a relationship with a bisexual couple. So definitely inquire and make sure it's something you want to get involved in.

Maybe see if you can set up a regular time to hang out with him? Then at least you'd know you only have to wait until then.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Aye, fair enough I realize the term was more broad but I've known more of polyamorous relationships with 3 or such partners together

There's not much you can do aside from keep learning how to adjust in your new role as being a male with someone who used to know you as female, it wont be easy so naturally you can see where the difference lies

[AnxietyDisord3r]

The big difference between the gay and heterosexual worlds is that in the gay dating scene anybody can pretty much approach anybody and they won't be seen badly for it. And anybody can be the pursuee. The hetero world is hung up on roles. It seems like the roles didn't bother you before but now you don't know what your "role" is. There isn't one. Do what seems right. If you really badly want to talk to this guy, take the initiative and shoot him a text. You can be "aggressive". Or you can choose to wait by the phone if that's how you roll. Gay guys tend to be pretty forward with each other, especially sexually, although sometimes more coy about how they feel emotionally. If this dude has been with other dudes before he will not be put out by you being frank with him.

You're still you, if you want to act the same you can, if you want to try something new, you can.