scared about transitioning and now questioning my gender

[Tryingthenamealec]

Hi everyone,
For the past few months (over 5) I have been questioning my gender and I was very confused for ages but I finally kind of accepted I might be transgender but in order to transition at school I needed a letter from a gender psychologist so UP until this point I have been really wishing for this to move quicker so I can socially transition, yesterday my psychologist said she would write me the letter and I was really happy but now I'm extremely worried and not wanting to do it anymore but kind of still wanting to do it. I'm afraid I will regret it that it's not right for me and that I'm not actually trans these doubts were almost a constant and very distressing thought in the beginibg but as time had gone on they have become less common and Iv been looking forward to it but now I'm back I the denial/doubt phase and I'm worried this means I'm wrong or I should wait like I want to be a guy I want a guys body I want to be seen as a guy or androgynous I want a dick I want to have sex as a guy with guys I want to be someone's boyfriend but I'm still doubting that I'm trans because I don't know if I "feel" like a guy or not I'm not sure how you can feel like a gebder and I think maybe it's because I'm so used to seeing myself as a girl ad when family call me he ect I feel a bit uncomfortable but when strangers do it or I look like a boy Im happy I'm not sure if it's coz I feel like they are taking the piss out of me or it's a sign I'm not trans and I'm also terrified of a receding hairline I would rather not go on T or do low dose than have a receding hairline (sorry that's a bit of topic) I'm just not sure where all these doubts have come from I was excited and impatient about transition but now I want to go back and never think about itv or tell anyone about it, why is this happening and what can I do to get over it and figure out if this is what I want?
Cheers

[Dena]

Walking out that door for the first time is a really scary moment. It may have been one of the more difficult things I have ever done. There was both doubt and fear at the same time but I knew I needed to get to my therapy group that night so I pushed through it.

I reviewed both of your posts and I haven't seen a sign that you have been attempting part time. That is a good place to start because you can do it when you want and you can limit who you are exposed to. Work on your appearance, possibly get a hair cut that can be worn either way or put your hair under a hat and try venturing into public with a parent or a friend. Ideally you should spend as much time when you are not in school in the masculine role to see what it's really like. You will never be 100% sure until after everything is finished. I wasn't without doubt until I was waking up after reassignment surgery. After that point I never questioned my decision but before that point, there was always some doubt. You have to reach the point where you are pretty sure it's what you want and that may be as close as you will get.