Trouble making/keeping friends.

[Kairi]

Hello everyone. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and would like some advice. I identify as non-binary (both male and female), I'm AMAB, and present as male. I've had trouble making and keeping friends throughout my entire life. I'm fairly socially awkward but that isn't the main reason. I've had many friends over the years both male and female. My male friends throughout the years have stopped hanging out and even talking to me because they think that I'm gay, no matter how hard I try to explain to them Im sexually attracted to women. I have not told anyone that I am non binary as it's a personal thing and I don't want to deal with the questions or possibly hate. As for my female friends, they always stop talking to me once they finally realize that I'm straight. I really don't know what I should do. I live in an area where being gay is widely frowned upon, and men are pretty stubborn (sorry guys 😜), so I see why they wouldn't want to interact with me as I'm fairly feminine (think 70%F 30%M). I prefer female friends but again once they figure out I'm straight they ditch me. All I want is to be accepted as one of the guys when I'm with them, and one of he girls when I'm with them, but it seems as if I cannot have either. Any advice is appreciated.

[j-unique]

Hi,

Maybe there is a local trans* or even non-binary group? Guess there would be chances to get to know some cool people (at least in my case it was really helping and a very positive experience).

[MichaelTolliverLives]

In contrast to the previous poster, I have found lgbt spaces can be very hard work - in a different way to straight ones.

Friends rejecting you because they think you're gay, or discover you're not, are not great friends + you are best rid of them. Have you tried joining clubs with group interests? A knitting club, a choir, a football team: something which unites everyone, and it's really low-key + relaxed.

[Sno]

Kairi,

I totally understand - what shut up the 'gay taunts' for me was marriage, although some kids still feel the need to carry on. I'm not suggesting that for a moment, but I was fortunate that by accident, it worked for me.

Socially, I am much more feminine in my nature, and it is a struggle to become friends, without the dreaded male barriers being raised - in some ways I wish I was 'out' more, as it could help in these social circumstances. I would say I'm 80-20 F-N

Being nb is by its nature mis-aligned in a mainly binary society, if you have interests, pursue them, the regular social contact, if nothing else, does help.

Big virtual hug, with a large dose of tea and sympathy

Sno.

Pass the cake Cynthia.

[genderlessjolyne]

my honest suggestion is to make friends with other nb's and trans people

honestly, its exhausting to deal with them either not knowing and having to sensor myself around (cant shout "dOWN WITH CIS" in my usual regular intervals when im trying to go undercover) or sideyeing me the entire time like "is THAT them being nb??? was that a glimmer of girl in i see?? trans people r so weird oops i said a slur i'll just laugh and hope you just think im joking lol"
so don't deal with it
its not always an option but there's more of us around than you know
try something like okcupid, i use it for friends
it's a dating app that filters by location and there's an option to set it so men and such cant see you