Hi Clubs,
Welcome to Susan's. There is a lot of information available here. You might want to check out the Wiki to help get a better handle on things. Also be sure to read the site rules. Okay, were to begin? Let's start with the basics. Humans are very sexual creatures. Fantasies are just that fantasies. Just because you fantasize about something doesn't make you a bad person or some kind of pervert. Make a fantasy a reality is quite different. It will never be exactly what you thought it would be and you may not like the actual experience, which is why a lot of people prefer to keep them fantasies so's not to ruin it.
Frequent masturbation, especially in males is quite common. Your erotica of choice(if you can call it that is not all that uncommon either. I don't get the bestiality thing myself and I wouldn't go out and do that if I were you. I believe that is illeagal in at least 48 states. Also it is very unhealthy. It is said that VD got into the human population from sheep. I don't know for sure if that's true.
Best thing to do is stop worrying about it. It is most likely your church upbringing that gives you these feelings of guilt. Put this out of your mind. God will not strike you dead or deny you entrance into heaven for having pleasured yourself.
Obsessive masturbation can be a problem both physically and ultimately can result in Psycological problems such as being unable to have a meaningful relationship with a woman because of the continuous objectification inherent in the activity.
Best advice to curtail your activity is stop looking at porn. It has one purpose and one purpose only, to arose. Schedule your sessions and limit them to once or twice a week. Make it special and you may find you won't be so inclined to be doing it constantly. If you start getting the urge, try a cold shower. Engage yourself in a task or project of some kind or an intellectual activity. Maybe crosswords or something like that.
The main thing to remember is that you are not doing anything wrong. What you describe is quite natural especially at your age. With regard to your chest. There is a big difference between a womans breast and a mans fatty pecs. They are not the same thing but quite useful if you want to go out as a woman. Most TV's would consider you lucky.
You didn't really say. Would you want to go out in public enfemme? anyway as I said earlier there is lots of info here. You should take the time to explore and learn all you can. You may at some point wish to see a therapist. I know you said you can't afford one right now but they can really help you sort out your feelings. I would strongly advise that you try a few sessions before you drive yourself nuts worrying about if there is soemthing wrong with you. I seriously doubt that there is but you need to sort out your feelings and get a better perspective on them. That's what therapy is all about.
I've gone on long enough, so fix yourself a cup of tea or other age appropriate relaxing beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.
Good Journey,
Cassie
