My mom still thinks I'm a female and I should do feminine things…

[Rhys96]

Hello anyone reading this.

My mom still thinks I'm a female, will get married to a man and all the other things that with it. I already talked to my therapist and she said to take things day or day. Just to correct her on certain things and stuff. I'm not sure how to tell her that I'm not a female and that I'm female and the difference between gender and sex.

I need help with this because I'm really determined to start my transition this month. I think she's still uneducated with trans issues and believes God made me the way I am this way and a bunch of other African beliefs.

Thanks for responding.

Edited for personal info.

[LordKAT]

There are books you could get her, you could try to put her in contact with PFLAG. I think your best bet would be to see a therapist. After a time, have your mom go with you to an appointment and have your therapist as back up and to help explain. Then they can help field any questions your mom has. If that don't work, you may have to let her go out of your life for a while, let her assimilate all she has heard.

[Rhys96]

I never thought about getting her books. I wanted to schedule an appointment with my therapist. I think I may call her and schedule something. But that may be another problem because my mom likes to know things ahead of time and may be a bit stubborn. Sigh...

I already have an idea to move in with a friend and if things get terrible.

[LordKAT]

Perhaps your therapist can help with that. You maybe could let her know that the therapist would like her input on your depression. She may go for that.

[Fox in Socks]

Seconded on bringing your mother to see your therapist and giving her books... maybe print out some quick one-or-two-page documents on the topic so that she can't try to say a book on the subject is too long to follow or something. So stubborn, some parents can be when it comes to their kids being any different from the image they had of them in their head all along. Having no idea that being shoehorned into the wrong role can be so damaging, or at least frustrating to their kid.
The therapists can pull an argument out of the woodwork that we as the kids might not have even thought of, and at least in my case they will word it better and neatly cover everything that needs to be covered.

[Charliedogist]

I don't have really much to add except my mother is the same way. She keeps telling me I'm always going to be a girl and have a girls body and blah blah blah. I'm moving very far out of state (though I know a lot of people don't have that luxury) and not planning on coming back until I've had top surgery and possibly a beard. We'll see how much of a girl she thinks of me then.

My younger brother and I look like twins now, right down to sounding exactly the same, and she's still in denial. I'm just giving her her own space to work it out, but she wants me to come off all medication (cannot happen, bad things happen when I'm not on medication) stop T for a year and live like a guy like that. I don't think she's right, and I don't think it's going to change anything, but I am NOT going back to a female body fat redistribution after I've worked my tail off for three months to look like I do.

[Rhys96]

I don't have really much to add except my mother is the same way. She keeps telling me I'm always going to be a girl and have a girls body and blah blah blah. I'm moving very far out of state (though I know a lot of people don't have that luxury) and not planning on coming back until I've had top surgery and possibly a beard. We'll see how much of a girl she thinks of me then.

My younger brother and I look like twins now, right down to sounding exactly the same, and she's still in denial. I'm just giving her her own space to work it out, but she wants me to come off all medication (cannot happen, bad things happen when I'm not on medication) stop T for a year and live like a guy like that. I don't think she's right, and I don't think it's going to change anything, but I am NOT going back to a female body fat redistribution after I've worked my tail off for three months to look like I do.

I'll be going to school about thirty minutes away from home but I'm not sure if my mom will ever accept me. My plan is to throw away all of feminine things that my mom bought and use some money I have saved to buy new clothes.
She thinks that she's going to be miserable and she's only thinking about herself and not me and how I feel.


Edited for personal info.

[Rhys96]

Seconded on bringing your mother to see your therapist and giving her books... maybe print out some quick one-or-two-page documents on the topic so that she can't try to say a book on the subject is too long to follow or something. So stubborn, some parents can be when it comes to their kids being any different from the image they had of them in their head all along. Having no idea that being shoehorned into the wrong role can be so damaging, or at least frustrating to their kid.
The therapists can pull an argument out of the woodwork that we as the kids might not have even thought of, and at least in my case they will word it better and neatly cover everything that needs to be covered.

My therapist has some pretty good arguments and I think that' s awesome. I just hope I can get her to the office and stuff. I don't want to live like this anymore. I honestly hate it. It's just...killing me slowly.

[ryanjoseph]

honestly it depends on your family/your age but... personally, i'm just going to start medically transitioning and my mom is starting to realize that i'm going to be who i am, even if she's not a huge fan of it. i have my own transportation and i'm legally an adult, so i've been able to set up doctors appointments and such. my mom had said she doesn't even want to listen to my "liberal BS" about gender so trying to get her to talk to a therapist wouldn't help, i don't think.

[aleon515]

There were trans people in almost all non-Western countries all around the world. In fact, the gender binary is much more of a Western imperialist idea, than gender fluidity. I don't know that much about the continent of Africa in this respect, more about Native Americans on the NA Continent and some about Asia. I don't think these are Western beliefs, I think her's are. A little research on this on your part which you can share, might be interesting to her.

--Jay

[Berserk]

Hello anyone reading this.

My mom still thinks I'm a female, will get married to a man and all the other things that with it. I already talked to my therapist and she said to take things day or day. Just to correct her on certain things and stuff. I'm not sure how to tell her that I'm not a female and that I'm female and the difference between gender and sex.

I need help with this because I'm really determined to start my transition this month. I think she's still uneducated with trans issues and believes God made me the way I am this way and a bunch of other African beliefs.

Thanks for responding.

Edited for personal info.

To the bolded part of your post, can I ask where you're from?

Not sure if this will help as far as literature for your mum, but there is a book I read a few years ago that was an anthology made up of personal stories by trans people from South Africa (both indigenous Africans and Afrikaners). The book was called Transgender Life Stories from South Africa, I think.

This is the website of the group that published the book: http://www.genderdynamix.org.za/about/staff/

[Rhys96]

To the bolded part of your post, can I ask where you're from?

Not sure if this will help as far as literature for your mum, but there is a book I read a few years ago that was an anthology made up of personal stories by trans people from South Africa (both indigenous Africans and Afrikaners). The book was called Transgender Life Stories from South Africa, I think.

This is the website of the group that published the book: http://www.genderdynamix.org.za/about/staff/

My parents are from Ghana. But thanks for the info. I'm definitely going to check this out and show it to my mom.

[Skyler]

I reccomend getting her the book: The Transgender Child by Stephanie A Brill --->http://www.amazon.com/The-Transgender-Child-Handbook-Professionals/dp/1573443182

both my parents have read it. very popular too.