More people know about my plans to transition. When should I be completely open?

[Blackwaters427]

okay so three people at my job know about me being trans. Some of my girlfriend's family knows about it as well. As does my ex wife and her boyfriend. Honestly, I'm getting pretty ballsy about who I tell nowadays, although none of my family knows about it and only a few of my friends know about it. As I mentioned in a previous post, my first appointment for figuring out hormones is next month on the 21st. When should I just come out and be open about it? Because right now I just want to get it off my chest. I have always hated being secretive about stuff. Makes me paranoid as all hell.

[LizK]

Hi Blackwater

I think with families it pays to be careful. I told mine over a year ago and it went bad officially about 6 weeks ago. All I can suggest is that you know your family best, you can only pick the most appropriate time but one thing you did say stuck out

" Because right now I just want to get it off my chest"

So can I ask? Is there any reason you can think of as to why you shouldn't? With so many people knowing already how long is it before your family finds out anyway? You are the best judge.

Take Care and good luck with whatever decision you make

Liz

[kelly_aus]

My decision to transition was also the catalyst to tell people.. I made no secret of it, still don't. Family got told first, then it rippled out amongst my friends.. Only had 2 issues among my family - and they've come around finally. Didn'y lose any friends that I've missed. In fact, I've ended up better friends with some of them.

And the friends I've met since all know.. Doesn't seem to make a difference to how I'm treated, something I learnt by observing their interactions both with me and each other - as far as they are concerned, I'm just another girl in the mob.

[Sophia Sage]

Before you go telling everyone from mountain on high, consider the kind of life you might want to live once you've gotten to the other side.  Sometimes it's more prudent to simply start the process, and only come out to those closest when you're ready to make the jump to full time.  Which could be a couple years, depending on hormone development, electrolysis, and any surgeries you decide you'll need. 

Because here's the thing.  First, the story can get ahead of you, and if there's a possibility you can get through this in such a way that disclosure isn't going to happen automatically, it's a very different world when you're being gendered "female" (or "male") rather than "trans."  Second, once you start getting properly gendered, it becomes much more difficult to accept misgendering in certain quarters where, for practical reasons (like employment or education to pay for all this), it's not safe to transition until the last possible moment...

[Maybebaby56]

Hi Blackwater,

You know that saying, "When you transition, those around you have to transition as well"?  Well, their transition may not go so well.  If it is a friend, and it goes badly, maybe you can write them off.  It's a lot harder and more complicated with family.  As far as coming out to those people you would like to keep in your life, I would suggest you consider what you think may work best for them, not you. 

You have had a lifetime of working on this, they will likely be blindsided by the news.  I have read so many stories of transpersons wishing they had received more support or understanding from a spouse/friend/significant other when they came out, but it works both ways. Just be very careful. You won't be able to put the genie back in the bottle. 

With kindness,

Terri

[Rachel]

When you tell them they will see you differently from that point on. Be prepared for an emotional response and hope for the best.