Nervous after being put on wait list for surgery

[kanad3]

I've been on the wait list for surgery for close to a month now and suddenly I'm getting worries about being trans. Have been full-time and on HRT for about 2,5 years and haven't really had any worries about this being the right path for me, but now that I'm on the wait list for surgery, suddenly it's happened twice within just 2 weeks. Can't really imagine detransitioning so I don't really doubt that surgery is the right thing for me because I want it really bad. However, these worries aren't exactly pleasant. Anyone had similar things happen to them?

[LiliFee]

To doubt is the hallmark of a sane mind. Listen to them, and accept there might still be parts of you that might not be as ready as you hoped.

[kanad3]

To doubt is the hallmark of a sane mind. Listen to them, and accept there might still be parts of you that might not be as ready as you hoped.

Just comes as such a surprise. Been wanting this really bad for about 1 and a half year now. Wasn't expecting to have doubts already, expected it when I finally got the date for my surgery because it's a life changing thing to go through and stuff. Probably gonna get an appointment with my old therapist again soon, gonna message him on monday. Haven't seen him for half a year or so.

[Cure Bunny]

When I was just about to have the surgery, I was surprised it was so happening so quick.

I never thought I could afford it and now Alberta was paying for it.

You are fine, stay shiny.


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[larkyn]

I've been on the wait list for surgery for close to a month now and suddenly I'm getting worries about being trans. Have been full-time and on HRT for about 2,5 years and haven't really had any worries about this being the right path for me, but now that I'm on the wait list for surgery, suddenly it's happened twice within just 2 weeks. Can't really imagine detransitioning so I don't really doubt that surgery is the right thing for me because I want it really bad. However, these worries aren't exactly pleasant. Anyone had similar things happen to them?

I'm in a similar place to you, I think. I have been on hormones, full time, etc for 11 years now... Now I'm in a place where I'm scheduling surgery in six months. I have always known that I want surgery. It's never been a question. But now that I'm burying myself in research and thoughts about what's to come, I want to be sure that I'm making the right choice.

My answer is immediate; Duh, of course, yes, surgery plz. But I think the more reserved side of me wants to make sure that I'm not making a rash choice. What if I regret it? What if it doesn't go the way I want? What if it makes me feel worse about myself? What if it doesn't function the way it should? My whole goal here is to feel normalized, not more of a freak... All of that are things I think about.

After you live with a feeling for so long and learn to deal with it, that feeling becomes comfortable. Always just under the surface. Even though I've managed to find a way to live with myself, doesn't mean I'm necessarily happy. I've found a way to be happy in many ways in my life, but being pre-op is still an issue for me.

All the other concerns I have about surgery are largely generic and could be applied to any other surgery. In that case, the best thing we can do is prepare appropriately. Do the best you can in choosing a good surgeon, research other women's experience, level your expectations to realistic, and be prepared for the appropriate amount of aftercare.

So, yes, I've felt similar to what you have described.. But I am trying to work towards the root cause of that feeling. Reading stories from women who have had good experiences, bad experiences, and maybe even regret their choice have helped me level my expectations and put my true desire to the test.

Hope that makes sense =\

[kanad3]

I'm in a similar place to you, I think. I have been on hormones, full time, etc for 11 years now... Now I'm in a place where I'm scheduling surgery in six months. I have always known that I want surgery. It's never been a question. But now that I'm burying myself in research and thoughts about what's to come, I want to be sure that I'm making the right choice.

My answer is immediate; Duh, of course, yes, surgery plz. But I think the more reserved side of me wants to make sure that I'm not making a rash choice. What if I regret it? What if it doesn't go the way I want? What if it makes me feel worse about myself? What if it doesn't function the way it should? My whole goal here is to feel normalized, not more of a freak... All of that are things I think about.

After you live with a feeling for so long and learn to deal with it, that feeling becomes comfortable. Always just under the surface. Even though I've managed to find a way to live with myself, doesn't mean I'm necessarily happy. I've found a way to be happy in many ways in my life, but being pre-op is still an issue for me.

All the other concerns I have about surgery are largely generic and could be applied to any other surgery. In that case, the best thing we can do is prepare appropriately. Do the best you can in choosing a good surgeon, research other women's experience, level your expectations to realistic, and be prepared for the appropriate amount of aftercare.

So, yes, I've felt similar to what you have described.. But I am trying to work towards the root cause of that feeling. Reading stories from women who have had good experiences, bad experiences, and maybe even regret their choice have helped me level my expectations and put my true desire to the test.

Hope that makes sense =\

Thanks for taking the time to write this to me! It makes a lot of sense. Hehe I've been doing tons of research myself as well, read like 50 pages in post-op life and GCS parts of this forum (not every post of course just those I found relevant).

And yeah I have that side too, the one that worries if this is the right choice for me. Like I'm pretty damn sure I won't regret it, but I've always been an anxious person and worry easily, which I think is getting in the way here a lil. I think part of it is that I don't have control over my surgeon. I'm from Norway and get it covered for free, but I can't choose between surgeons, I get one assigned and there is very little information available online.. The hospital put me in contact with another girl who had surgery in 2012 tho, but that was by another surgeon and she also didn't know basic anatomy of the vulva, so seems a bit ignorant?? Idk

But thx helps to see another person having similar thoughts as me.

[larkyn]

Thanks for taking the time to write this to me! It makes a lot of sense. Hehe I've been doing tons of research myself as well, read like 50 pages in post-op life and GCS parts of this forum (not every post of course just those I found relevant).

And yeah I have that side too, the one that worries if this is the right choice for me. Like I'm pretty damn sure I won't regret it, but I've always been an anxious person and worry easily, which I think is getting in the way here a lil. I think part of it is that I don't have control over my surgeon. I'm from Norway and get it covered for free, but I can't choose between surgeons, I get one assigned and there is very little information available online.. The hospital put me in contact with another girl who had surgery in 2012 tho, but that was by another surgeon and she also didn't know basic anatomy of the vulva, so seems a bit ignorant?? Idk

But thx helps to see another person having similar thoughts as me.

Anxiety always loves to make things harder... But on the note of choosing your surgeon...

So, I've had three surgeries. One ankle and two knee. Each time, I didn't pick my surgeon. It was just whatever doctor ended up treating me. So, 'shopping' for a surgeon is new territory for me. If you don't have as much of a choice, then that is definitely something to factor in.

I am considering a doctor who is relatively unknown (Dr Wittenberg). For me, I would like to meet with the doctor and get a feeling for their background, their personality, and confidence level.. Result photos are always a bonus. If I feel that there are any red flags then the prudent thing would be for me to find someone else. But that means moving my timeline from 6 months to at least over a year... Talk about conflict of interest.

It's a hard choice to make, but it sounds like you are giving it due thought. If you feel the risks of the surgery and unknowns of your surgeon outweigh the idea of postponement (For maybe years), then you may have your answer. Just be sure to temper it with pros and cons!

[kanad3]

Anxiety always loves to make things harder... But on the note of choosing your surgeon...

So, I've had three surgeries. One ankle and two knee. Each time, I didn't pick my surgeon. It was just whatever doctor ended up treating me. So, 'shopping' for a surgeon is new territory for me. If you don't have as much of a choice, then that is definitely something to factor in.

I am considering a doctor who is relatively unknown (Dr Wittenberg). For me, I would like to meet with the doctor and get a feeling for their background, their personality, and confidence level.. Result photos are always a bonus. If I feel that there are any red flags then the prudent thing would be for me to find someone else. But that means moving my timeline from 6 months to at least over a year... Talk about conflict of interest.

It's a hard choice to make, but it sounds like you are giving it due thought. If you feel the risks of the surgery and unknowns of your surgeon outweigh the idea of postponement (For maybe years), then you may have your answer. Just be sure to temper it with pros and cons!

I've read a little bit about Wittenberg, but it was during my 3 day binge of surgery info so don't remember much :p.. When do you have your consultation?
I have a consultation scheduled with my surgeon for 14th of december, so unless someone magically cancels and I get in before that, I'll be able to meet my surgeon at least. Kinda scared I won't like him or that he won't make me feel safe because then IDK whether to go ahead with it or wait potentially years and I really odnt want that.

[larkyn]

I've read a little bit about Wittenberg, but it was during my 3 day binge of surgery info so don't remember much :p.. When do you have your consultation?
I have a consultation scheduled with my surgeon for 14th of december, so unless someone magically cancels and I get in before that, I'll be able to meet my surgeon at least. Kinda scared I won't like him or that he won't make me feel safe because then IDK whether to go ahead with it or wait potentially years and I really odnt want that.

Yeah, she is newer to the trans scene. But has been doing vaginoplasty on cis patients for a while. Mainly a urogynocologist versus a plastic surgeon... I want to think that's a good thing. She's done a bit over 60 solo procedures from what I hear...

I am flying to SFO in the 21st to meet her. If I like her then I'll schedule or I have to consider going to a more  experienced doctor with a longer wait list.