Hello everyone! My name is Catherine.
The last time I was here was a little under 2 years ago. Back then, I was pretty early into my transition and
very depressed. Anyone who remembers me might describe me, my posts, and my overall presence here as having been very pessimistic and just generally negative. It was a very dark time in my life. My transition felt like such an uphill battle and I wondered if I even had a fighting chance. I was flat-out told by several people (including people I trusted at the time) that I would never pass, that I could never grow my hair out long enough, and that I'd never succeed, etc. In addition to the fact that I was miles away from where I wanted to be in my transition, there were also a lot of other discouraging things going on in my life, so transition and my hopes and aspirations for my future were really the only good thing I had going for me--which caused the "what if I can't do it?" thoughts to take the wind out of my sails all the more.
Here's where I am now: I've been on HRT for 2 years now. I'm pretty close to being full-time female. I'm presenting regularly as female, I am completely comfortable going out in a dress, a skirt, or jean shorts and don't have to feel self-conscious about myself. But at the same time, I've still got a lot of work to do. My voice is still not quite there yet and while I can do a female voice when I need to, it takes a lot of "warming up" before-hand and I can't sustain it. I'm also not really "out" yet, even though I present as female. I still haven't told any of my extended family or my job (even though I'm sure they strongly suspect it based on how I present). For that reason, and due to the fact that I still have yet to change my name officially, I still go by my old name, just for lack of confusion (it's not a very common name so it's not one people would immediately recognize as male anyways). I still want to get FFS at some point, but I don't feel I need to rush it and basically just plan to do it once I can afford it fairly easily. But, I'm ready to move forward with everything else, and I may need some advice on how to proceed in those areas.
Besides that, things are great and moving forward better than I would ever have imagined possible 2 years ago. I have a great job at a great company that offers me plenty of room for career advancement. I just recently had my first date with a guy who I really like and he is now my boyfriend. I am much happier with myself than I've ever been and it makes me really happy that I made the decision to transition and that I didn't give up when things seemed hopeless
So I really hope that my story can be motivation to anyone who's feeling discouraged right now: don't give up. I know how discouraging it can be when you see where you want to be, but wonder if you'll ever get there. You
will and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Be perseverant, be patient, and don't take your eye off the prize. Hang in there your life will be so much better for it before you even realize it
