I can't seem to keep guys around (venting)

[Angélique LaCava]

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, but my relationships with (straight) guys only last up to 5 months and they never give me a reason when they break up with me but always tell me it has nothing to do with me. It just has me feeling depressed and discouraged.... especially when I see these success stories about (straight) guys with pre op transgenders like myself.

[MeghanMe]

Ugh. I'm really sorry you're going through that.

Some of it may be the guys being jerks. Some if it may be dumb luck. I know I've gone through periods in my life where I couldn't hold a relationship together beyond 5 months, even when pretending to be a straight, cis man.

Hang in there. I hope it gets better for you.

[tgirlamg]

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, but my relationships with (straight) guys only last up to 5 months and they never give me a reason when they break up with me but always tell me it has nothing to do with me. It just has me feeling depressed and discouraged.... especially when I see these success stories about (straight) guys with pre op transgenders like myself.

Hi Angelique,

I think the short attention spans of our society in general these days sadly spills over into the world of relationships as well to some degree!!!

Keep at it and you will find what you seek!!!

Onward we go!

Ashley

[April_TO]

I have almost given up but found a man that pursued for me two years before we became official.
You just have to keep your eyes open. I know it's disheartening but he's out there looking for you xo

[Wednesday]

Checked if those guys right after breaking up go pursue and date another girl?

I think what you're experiencing is common with men, specially young men: they get bored easily, and quickly go after new people.

I think "success stories" are not the most common ones, at least between young people. A couple I knew from some time (cisboy and cisgirl on their mid twenties) just broke up because she insisted so much on having a house, kids, etc. Go figure.

[MelissaB]

You are young so... relax.  I know it's tough, but it's kind of the life of any young and single person.  Finding "the one" takes some patience, so hang in there.

One question I do have about these guys.  Are they open with others (friends/family) about you being trans?  I am wondering if things are getting a little more serious around the 5month mark, and they start thinking about how comfortable they are with others knowing or finding out their serious girlfriend is trans.

If this is the case I would suggest dating those guys with a mindframe that it is just a fun casual relationship, but no expectation that it will get serious.  Clearly your are female in the eyes of the world (lucky girl).  For more serious relationships you will still probably need to find someone that is OK with "the world" finding out you are trans.

[Eva Marie]

I think what you're experiencing is common with men, specially young men: they get bored easily, and quickly go after new people.

I think that the above is a part of it, along with guys that have matured in an era of divorce so they have no long term relationship in their life that models what a long term, committed relationship looks like. Add to that the messages they get from society to be players and hit it and quit it, and the potential added pressure from other guys they might get about dating a trans woman and it gets much harder to find someone that is really interested in sticking around.

Another thought is what someone else already said - after a few months of dating you they look into the future and what they see scares them away. They may have been developing feelings for you but the stuff I mentioned above wins out and they break it off.

Women have been dealing with this in one flavor or another for eons so you are not alone.

[PrincessCrystal]

5 months isn't too short for a monogamous relationship to last, especially if the guy is looking for something permanent.  If he's not interested in being with you 10 years from now, he's probably going to leave you to find someone he is.  That's just rational.

This is why Polyamory is coming back into fashion: it's easier to stay with someone when that doesn't exclude everyone else.  I don't think humans evolved for monogamy anyway...

[Amy Chislett]

I don't think humans evolved for monogamy anyway...

I'd probably say half did; the other half no.

I have a relation 14 mos and knock counting.  He is not monogamous tho.  I'd prefer he was.

[Sophia Sage]

I think most straight guys her age would get frustrated eventually at not being able to have intercourse in the way they prefer (not to mention the implications for fertility).  It takes a spiritual master to get past basic embodiment, and spiritual mastery is not something that most young people (male or otherwise) are known for.

[GlobalPessimum]

I think that's pretty normal. Numbers are hard to come by, but I found this one article with some data from interviews with 3,300 Americans:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/the-average-relationship

The article has an infographic (sadly, defunct) that shows the major relationship milestones (well- according to the peopel who conducted the survey). Most of them happen in under 6 months or so. The ones that happen after that are "Vacation together", "Moving in", "Discuss kids" and "Life commitment". In fact, "Discuss kids" seems to happen right around the seventh month (it's hard to tell- the graphic is old and broken).

So, if that data is representative of the wider population (at least in the US) it means relationships will either get real serious in around five or six months, or not last much longer than that.

[cheryl reeves]

I was going to transition when I was 17 but held out hope I could find a woman who could put up with me for I wanted a long term marriage and children,i first me my wife at the age of 18 and after 5 yrs apart, we got together again and here we are 28 yrs later and still married and she is one of my biggest supporters and defenders even though my being transgender which gets to her time to time when I go overboard. We both grew up in a time long ago when marriage was til death do you part.

[Drexy/Drex]

Well looking at your your avatar. ......they must  be mad
But truth is young men are are shallow and and selfish