My parents just told me that I look male.

[Angélique LaCava]

I don't understand why they would tell me that tonight but yet tell me not to tell people I'm trans at work since I'm full time. In my opinion it shouldn't matter if I tell the people I work with if I'm so obvious.  I honestly didn't think I was obvious especially after people I meet always telling me how beautiful I am without me asking and how many times I get hit on by guys everyday.  I feel like the hormones arnt working after them telling me that and I've been on them for 11.5 months. I just don't know what to think because all I can do now is lay in bed and cry.

[Dena]

I think your parents need their eyes checked. They may not have noticed just how much you have changed but even months ago, pictures that you posted were still feminine. You shouldn't worry about what they say because most everybody else sees something far different.

[Angélique LaCava]

Now they are telling me that they were just joking with me and trying to piss me off.

[Virginia Hall]

Now they are telling me that they were messing with me and trying to piss me off.

A famous quote: People believe what they see and see what they believe. Parents have a huge story they carry.

True story: A friend went to her large but conservative town to meet her parents in order to come out as a young adult. She had written and told them about it, but finally they would see her as "she." The father and mother chose a restaurant where they could talk.

The parents were polite and all, but they immediately informed her, "Ted," that no one would ever their mistake their "son"for a girl, Melissa. After hearing all this, the waitress finally appeared. "What would the ladies have?" she asked as the cocktails were ordered.

So much for mom and dad's prognostication.

You are you. Make no mistake. Time is on your side.

[Lilliana]

I cannot speak for your parents but do they engage in this sort of passive aggressive behavior often?

You are so feminine and beautiful and have looks I would kill for so I hope you can roll with it.  Once I realized my parents did love me even though it was in their unique way, well, things got better.

[Angélique LaCava]

I cannot speak for your parents but do they engage in this sort of passive aggressive behavior often?

You are so feminine and beautiful and have looks I would kill for so I hope you can roll with it.  Once I realized my parents did love me even though it was in their unique way, well, things got better.

They never told me that which is why i was so upset. I mean my dad messes with me a lot, but he knows how serious I am about my looks so I never thought he would joke around like that because I don't take it as a joke.

[Naomi71]

Good to see your parents were just messing with you, but I could relate. This week I noticed during a conversation with my mother, that she wasn't calling me by my name even once. At first she denied that, but then I asked her how she perceived me. She told me she doesn't see me as the "guy" I used to be, but not as a woman either. She considered me to be something "in between".

She told me she needed her time to get to terms with it, but I can't accept that anymore. I came out of the closet one and a half years years ago, I'm presenting female fulltime, my birth certificate was changed, my passport, my body is filled to the brim with estrogen and t blockers, I have breasts, a smaller waist and bigger hips, I'm generally addressed as "mrs", straight guys are falling in love with me, to me it seems the time that she needed is past its deadline.

[Sophia Sage]

They never told me that which is why i was so upset. I mean my dad messes with me a lot, but he knows how serious I am about my looks so I never thought he would joke around like that because I don't take it as a joke.

I hope you got a chance to tell him not to do that anymore, and that you could really use some positive feedback!

[Sophia Sage]

Good to see your parents were just messing with you, but I could relate. This week I noticed during a conversation with my mother, that she wasn't calling me by my name even once. At first she denied that, but then I asked her how she perceived me. She told me she doesn't see me as the "guy" I used to be, but not as a woman either. She considered me to be something "in between".

She told me she needed her time to get to terms with it, but I can't accept that anymore. I came out of the closet one and a half years years ago, I'm presenting female fulltime, my birth certificate was changed, my passport, my body is filled to the brim with estrogen and t blockers, I have breasts, a smaller waist and bigger hips, I'm generally addressed as "mrs", straight guys are falling in love with me, to me it seems the time that she needed is past its deadline.

Hi Naomi.

This is such a difficult position to be in.  Like Virginia said, parents can really struggle with this because they have all these memories that get in the way of seeing, in the present, what's right before their very eyes.  And not just parents, I think -- I think this is true for most (certainly not all) long-term relationships before transition.

Even my parents, who were extremely supportive, screwed up regularly the first couple of years.  At least, though, they were trying.  I put up with it, because I desperately wanted to keep them in my life.  I tell you, though, it was only after having facial surgery that things really started to change.  The picture in front of them was so different, they often couldn't help themselves.  And yet there were still days when it wasn't enough.  I eventually had to put my foot down -- mistakes would have consequences, the consequence of me leaving their presence for longer and longer periods of time.  And that terrified them, when I actually started keeping those boundaries. 

Things got *much* better after that. 

It's a difficult balance, being tough as nails with them, and yet also understanding the limits of their psychological reality and how fast it can actually change, even when they're on board.

[KathyLauren]

Now they are telling me that they were just joking with me and trying to piss me off.

Jeez, with parents like that, who needs enemies?  Normally, I would suggest not keeping people who do that in your life, but I understand that it is different with parents.  But they need to know not to do that again.

Are you seeing a therapist?  If so, it might be good to discuss with them how to set boundaries for your parents.

[EmilyMK03]

Angélique LaCava, that was a very cruel "joke".  I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  I think you look very feminine and beautiful.  And you know that too, since you get asked out by guys all the time.  Please don't let this keep you down; you have a very promising future ahead of you!

[Naomi71]

Hi Naomi.

This is such a difficult position to be in.  Like Virginia said, parents can really struggle with this because they have all these memories that get in the way of seeing, in the present, what's right before their very eyes.  And not just parents, I think -- I think this is true for most (certainly not all) long-term relationships before transition.

Even my parents, who were extremely supportive, screwed up regularly the first couple of years.  At least, though, they were trying.  I put up with it, because I desperately wanted to keep them in my life.  I tell you, though, it was only after having facial surgery that things really started to change.  The picture in front of them was so different, they often couldn't help themselves.  And yet there were still days when it wasn't enough.  I eventually had to put my foot down -- mistakes would have consequences, the consequence of me leaving their presence for longer and longer periods of time.  And that terrified them, when I actually started keeping those boundaries. 

Things got *much* better after that. 

It's a difficult balance, being tough as nails with them, and yet also understanding the limits of their psychological reality and how fast it can actually change, even when they're on board.

Well, I called her out on it and she had several lines of defence... she claims to have completely accepted me and told me I should know better by now, if only for all the jewellery and makeup she bought me and the fact she came with me to the psychologist  during the diagnostic stage, to testify about my childhood gender dysphoria. She profusley apologized at that time for having seen all the signs on the wall (me playing with dolls, only having girlfriends, doing classical ballet, playing with her makeup and regularly stealing her skin cream etc.) but not doing anything, because it still were the 1970's and she didn't have any awareness of a thing like gender dysphoria.

She told me that she acknowledges my female identity but was just looking at me in an objective way and as long as I'm still transitioning, I actually am "somewhere in between". It kind of triggered me, because I think she should see me the way I see myself and believe the term "objectifying" says it all; we had a little back and forth about that. I also explained to her that there are trans people who identify as genderqueer, agender etc. who actually do consider themselves "in between". But being a "classic" transsexual myself, I just identify with being a woman and am kind of binary (while fully respecting other identities, except for Otherkin). She gets that now.

She also told me I was being hormonal and fault finding on a boring saturday afternoon, looking for micro agressions everywhere I can and then being passive aggressive about it all over the place. It made her think of her mother (my grandmother) who she claims acted in the exact same way.

[Rachel]

You are beautiful.

Your parents were insensitive and mean. It hurt you and they need to know that.

I am sorry you had to deal with that

[Pisces228]

I am so terribly sorry.  You are so pretty in your avatar.  That is a cruel thing to say if it was just a joke.  Shame on them.