Dilating help, Maximum width?

[Tiamet]

Hi. I'm almost 4 weeks post-op with Dr. McGinn and am starting to worry about my final depth/width and my husband. 

I'm sure a lot of guys would like to have his problem, but basically his width is a little bigger than the largest Soul Source dilator (orange, 38mm / 1.5").

I've worked up to dilating with the second-to-largest green dilator (35mm / 1 and 3/8"), but every time I move up in width I lose depth, like this:

Purple dilator 5"
Blue 4.5"
Green 4"

I started out with a maximun of 5.5" depth, but it went down to 5" when my vulva swelling went down.  I'm okay with that since I'm a smallish person (5'6") and I basically hit my back muscle so I don't think there's any more room. But I definitely can't reach maximum depth on the larger dilators, is that normal? Will it get better?

I'm also wondering if anyone else has been able to dilate with something larger than the orange one, and if so what did you use?

[Jenna Marie]

That's perfectly normal; you aren't losing width, it's just that as the vaginal canal stretches *around* something, it can't stretch *out* as much. (Picture putting the dilators into a narrow balloon - the wider the dilator, the less the balloon will be able to extend lengthwise.) I'm not sure where to find a dilator wider than the Soul Source orange, though! On the other hand, penises aren't as rigid as plastic, either; they can compress a bit, and you should be able to stretch a little bit more, so it might work.

At 4 weeks post-op, though, you're exactly where you should be. It's also normal to need some time to graduate to progressively larger/wider dilators, and not everyone manages it at the same rate, but it's way too soon to worry that you won't be able to at all.

[TinaVane]

So the fatter the penis the shorter the depth goes ? Uh um [emoji52]
But things will work out in the end for you sis


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[Jenna Marie]

TinaVane: Well, that's how it works for cis women, too; it's basically a law of physics. (Yes, I know, they can birth babies, but that's a special situation with a very specific hormone bath precipitating it, and I don't think anyone worries about depth at that point!)

I do think the vaginal canal can become somewhat stretchier with time, as I am now 5.5" with the orange dilator, when it used to be about 5" (and when I got curious a year or so ago and checked with the smallest dilator [purple], I was closer to 6.5"). And of course most people do become comfortable with progressively larger sizes.

My wife is about 4" of depth fully aroused and stretched, and somehow managed to accommodate me, when I was 6" long and also wider than the orange dilator... (She laughed at me the first time I saw it and was horrified.) Bodies don't fit together perfectly, penises have some give to them, and most people can make it work if they're both forgiving and willing to be (mentally) flexible. The average fully aroused cis woman still only gets about 5" of depth and can't fit enormously wide things in there routinely, and we rarely hear about that being an issue. It'll be OK.

[Tiamet]

Oh thank you Jenna that's really reassuring!

[Sophia Sage]

Tiamet, I noticed the same thing with dilating way back in the day.  For me it took about 3 months post-op to able to use the largest dilator at my original depth.

Here's the thing -- you aren't losing depth.  You're still at 5" with the purple.  It's just that your width deeper inside hasn't grown yet. Think of it this way -- your vaginal canal isn't cylindrical at this point, it's tapered, so the wider dilators have get to reach bottom.  Keep plugging away, it takes time to create more space and to keep stretching out the skin. 

I found I had to press down enough that it started to hurt deep inside to gain deeper width with the larger dilators.  With the more comfortable one, I'd rotate the dilator, applying pressure opposite the direction the curve points toward, effectively using the muscle of the introitus as a lever. It also helped to, um, slide it in and out repeatedly in a motion resembling vigorous coitus, all the way down to the bottom and then some, each time... while pleasuring myself (so as to release endorphins that ameliorate the pain, of course). 

I also found that by going back to the thinner dilators, and bearing down, I could slowly -- slowly -- start building more (tapered) depth.  This is very slow going -- like 1/2 inch in another six months, if not longer.  (And this is not, admittedly, a very pleasant exercise. Ouch.) 

Finally, I haven't located any dilators that are bigger than the orange, but there are certainly sex toys on the market with more girth when you're finally ready for that -- although frankly the real deal will probably be more effective at that point .