Social anxiety getting worse

[alice1234]

So it's been a bit since i was on here.  i made a post about my voice which i have been starting to play with a lot more and considering incorporating after years of just not talking.  and i recived some great replies and i thank you. 

my conundrum now is im starting to feel uncomfortable in public for the first time since i started 7 years ago.  im not using the new voice in public im not dressing differently i just feel all this dysmorphia like people can see through me. 

this seems to happen anytime i ever tried to inch forward my transition.  im living "stealth" and am considering going back to school but its a two year intensive program were i am in constant interaction with teachers students and patients.  im freaked the hell out like everyone will see through me. 

I am not sure what i am doing typing this but i just feel like i need to get this out maybe hear a similar story idk

Thank you for reading

[Mariah]

We are always are most harshest critics and it can be easy for us, including myself, to think people are seeing through us. I think the best thing I have been able to do to combat that is to not worry about what others or thinking or they perceive me because no matter what they are going to think and say those things no matter what. It take care of my disabled mom and even her they misgender. My job results in my dealing with a ton of different people many who I have never dealt with me before. Yes, some do figure out that I'm and trans and others do not. Maybe it is just me, but I suppose I have gotten less sensitive to it at times because early on every time I get read it used to get to me. Always remember it is better to talk about things then keeping them in. Who knows maybe you will get some great ideas that will inspire you and help assist you with this. I wish I could help more, but anyways. Hugs
Mariah

[Sephirah]

We are always are most harshest critics and it can be easy for us, including myself, to think people are seeing through us. I think the best thing I have been able to do to combat that is to not worry about what others or thinking or they perceive me because no matter what they are going to think and say those things no matter what.

This. So much this. No one in the world can beat you up as much as you can beat yourself up.

You think people can see through you because you can see through yourself. That's the truth of it. We have a nasty habit of projecting our own feelings about ourselves onto everyone around us. Where the truth is 99% of people really don't care. They have enough going on in their own lives to be concerned about what someone they see in passing looks like, or sounds like. But the nature of our condition makes us hypersensitive.

Sweetie, I would suggest that's what's happening is that you're seeing yourself differently, and projecting that onto people around you. Whether that's the case or not, which I highly doubt. You're starting to feel that hiding who you are is a lie, and so you feel that people can see through that lie, because you see through it yourself.

[alice1234]

Thank you Mariah,
good advise i know i shouldn't let people get to me its just over the years even the slightest mis-gendering throws me into a spiral which leads me to feel self conscious then i freeze up cant make eye contact i cant talk which then makes people look at me because i am acting weird lol.  That must be hard taking care of your parent i know that healthcare is hard work. i appreciate you taking the time to respond  to me

All the best
Alice

[alice1234]

Thank you Sephirah,

I know the hardest critic is always me i agree so much.  I am glad you reminded me  that i could be projecting and probably am so is the lie trying to change my voice or hiding that i am transgender both?  i couldn't imagine being out but i wonder if its tearing me up that i am "stealth" i feel like even at this point i could never come out to the people i know now i did so much work to become me and cut a lot of people out it would feel like all that was for nothing.  I just hate the idea for me that if i was out people wouldnt see me as a woman but as a trans woman (which i know is nothing to be ashamed of) but it dosent feel like i could ever get used to that.  I hope i did not offend and thank you for your reply

Take care
Alice

[tgirlamg]

Hi Alice!!..

I am sorry that you are struggling with this stuff... My point of view may seem over simplified and not be the approach everyone would subscribe to but, it has served me well... We are female but...We are not cis gendered women all the hormones and surgery in the world won't change that.. We will never be cis gendered women and we do not need to pass as one or trick others into believing that we are something that we are not...we ARE transwomen and if that is you...be that. You should find it fairly easy...

I decided to quit worrying about this stuff and it is quite liberating... It leaves you free to engage people ... Life... and the world around you.  This whole journey is one of self acceptance and it matters not what others think of you... What you think about yourself does... To this day, I have not had a negative experience with anyone aquintance or stranger because of being a transwoman.... I am just letting you know my approach and I hope you can find a mindset that will serve you equally well because an amazing life that is finally your own awaits!!!...Safe travels on your journey

Onward we go

Ashley

[Sophia Sage]

And, as counterpoint...

If you're being gendered female, and being female is your truth, then you are living and experiencing your truth.  There is no lie.  If anyone sees through you and doesn't see a woman, then they're not really seeing through you, they're seeing around you, and their vision is faulty.

And there's no shame in doing some touch-up work several years down the line.  However, that in itself can make one dysphoric, which in turn can make us paranoid.  Sometimes the final stand comes down to figuring out how to stop clocking ourselves. 

So, how to deal? Just remember, all kinds of women work to address what they perceive as their shortcomings.  Hair dye, weight loss, makeovers, a facelift, new boobs, the list goes on and on.  Maybe try embracing that whatever changes you're trying to effect is simply a matter of the sort of self-improvement that our culture regularly demands of women. 

You're really no different in the end.

[Sephirah]

Thank you Sephirah,

I know the hardest critic is always me i agree so much.  I am glad you reminded me  that i could be projecting and probably am so is the lie trying to change my voice or hiding that i am transgender both?  i couldn't imagine being out but i wonder if its tearing me up that i am "stealth" i feel like even at this point i could never come out to the people i know now i did so much work to become me and cut a lot of people out it would feel like all that was for nothing.  I just hate the idea for me that if i was out people wouldnt see me as a woman but as a trans woman (which i know is nothing to be ashamed of) but it dosent feel like i could ever get used to that.  I hope i did not offend and thank you for your reply

Take care
Alice

If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's this:

The only person you can change is yourself. You can't change other people. And heaven knows people try. All the time. They have to want to, and take the steps to change themselves.

I understand your fears. I think many of us have been there. If people see you as anyone but who you are, that's on them. Not you. It's not your responsibility to be perfect, or to be the shining example of what you want everyone else to see. Just be you. Whoever that is. That's all any of us can be.

When you can do that, people see who you are. Because you have nothing to hide. Underneath their pre-conceptions, assumptions, and assertations... you're being yourself. You don't have to create something and try to live up to it. Believe me, that is much harder work, and way more effort, and a lot more uncertain than just letting that all fall away and being yourself. That comes naturally. Everything else is an act. Do you want an Oscar, or a life?

It's very easy to say, I know. Believe me I know. Idealistic, probably, and maybe unrealistic. But this is kind of the one truth that a lot of people eventually come to. You can make a lot of people live with a lie, but how long can you live with one yourself? This is the crossroads that lead a lot of people to eventually say "Enough is enough. I'm living everyone else's life. It's time I started living my own."

End of the day, this is something you have to decide for yourself, sweetie. No one can tell you what to do. But just remember: The only person you have control over in this world is yourself. Make it count.