Stealth Scared to meet my future in-laws (for being clocked)

[Evolving Beauty]

Hi girls, I'm back for a while. Sorry I have been so busy with my life. So here is what is up. I stopped escorting since I met a wonderful guy (quite younger than me) who happened to be a transphobic before but who finally accepted me when I thrashed out my secret after 6 months cos he was already too in love with me.

Now here is the thing, he comes from a very traditional background and his father even told him once when he was small 'if you become gay I will kick you out of this house'. His family and uncles/cousins are super homophobics and he is scared to introduce me to his parents. We live together like 6 months now and his parents are insisting so much to meet me but he always tries to evade but now, they can't wait anymore and are pressuring him.

On one side I crave to meet and know his family specially his mother but on other side petrified they got to know what I am and reject me. The worst is they might definitely disown him and this also would create a huge scandal in his family if they know he is with someone like me. He is a very macho sportsman and this would baffle his family's mind if they know. We are both retaining and do not know what to do anymore. Let's say I am 90% passable and there's a slim chance I might get clocked, so we're still scared.

Any advice how to proceed in this case please? Anyone else had this experience? How did you do? How did it all end up?

[Angélique LaCava]

I dated guys who were transphobic and who wernt transphobic before hormones and I actually told them all from the get go and at that time I was 90% passable... I even met a few of the guys parents and none of them knew or cared.... I'm sure you will be fine. Like you said he didn't know for 6 months. Also Remember they have masculine woman out there who meet their boyfriends parents.

[Sophia Sage]

So, speaking from personal experience...

If he didn't clock you, his parents aren't going to, either.  I'd strongly advise not coming out to his parents, by the way.  This is none of their business.  What they really want to know is whether you make him happy.  And whether you can hold a conversation.  Whether you're nice and can get along.

[herekitten]

Speaking from personal experience and having been on both sides of the fence, the last thing his parents will be thinking about is what was or is twixt your legs. Once he announces to them that he is bringing his girlfriend to meet them, it sends a signal that there is a possibility they are meeting their future daughter in law.  They will be curious about you and your background such as your parents, where you are from, do you have good manners, sensible, education, job, etc., and if they don't come out and ask any of these things, you can rest assured they are thinking them.  Our son recently brought home his girlfriend so we could meet her and vice versa. The last thing on my mind was what is her vaginal or lack of vagina history -- did not even think it... and she really impressed me!!! Love her and am so happy for my son. Naw, they won't be thinking what you are thinking -- trust me. 

Now that you've asked this question, I am wondering what I would say or do if my son brought home a transgender girl to meet us. Would we tell him about me? would we tell her about me?  oh my -- who knows and I'll cross that bridge should I ever come to it.

[JoanneB]

Another opinion based on first hand personal experience

My wife and I have been together one way or another for (OMG) almost 40 years. Back then, like today, I only present male, deeply closeted, etc.. You know the drill. She, deep stealth pre-op back then.

Let it be his call. I had no worries and especially no shame about my wife then nor today. You're not the one pushing for a meet. It's his family.

[noleen111]

I can relate... I remember the first time I met my future inlaws I was very nervous. I was more nervous about his mother than his father.. Men really cant tell, but woman are more observant.. but I had no issues

They never clocked me and it went so well, they immediately made me feel so comfortable. All they saw was there son bringing home a young lady to meet the family. Now we are engaged and I actually get on very well with my future mother in law.

After we announced our engagement, we did sit his mother down to explain to her that I cant have children. I never told her I was trans, but we expanded on the truth.. we told her I was born with a non functioning uterus.. well its kinda the truth.. I think I was more nervous for that conversation than the introductions. But my man does have a younger sister, so mother in law will get grand kids, plus we intend to adopt.