So I passed my 1 year HRT and have been working on my transition for about 2 years. I am not going 'gangbusters' or trying to rush, though I can remember early on in my efforts that I wanted it all to happen RIGHT NOW. Yeah, no one else had ever felt that way so I decided to chill out and relax while things moved along. Once I stopped sweating every little detail of what was happening, I started to find a unique joy as progress became obvious. The stillness of a quieted dysphoria, free flowing feelings and a connectedness with everything around me...my most profound alteration appeared to me to be internal and I accepted that the physical side was going to require a lot more work, time and money.
I have boobs, hips and a butt that are awesome. My endo has told me that things have worked out far better than she had expected. Several sisters have been telling me that they have never seen HRT cause such profound change so quickly...it seems everyone could see things moving forward, but when I look in the mirror I just see me. Well, duh! I am me and thinking about it, I cannot really think what I actually expected along those lines!
I really could not see the outward changes and wrote them off...until I had an affirmation of just how far I have come the other day from an unlikely source. My partner and I visit an assisted living facility pretty regularly. Just like to spend time with the people. They enjoy our company so we go and enjoy theirs. We have been doing this for a while and I have met more than a couple of the residents. One of them knows that I am trans and has never had an issue. I never dress up when we go there. I wear jeans and a tshirt with a ball cap, always when we are there and never any makeup or jewelry.
Somehow, I came up in a conversation that a resident and my partner were having and he asked a question about whether I am a "guy or a girl" cause he cannot tell. I have never done anything on our visits to enhance my feminine features, but changes have reached a point where I now look pretty andro without trying. It is usually my voice that tips the scales towards guy for most if it happens, but in this case...several people said I am a girl until the resident who knows about me mentioned I am on hormones (long story as to why he did this, but not anything mean on his part). This brought everyone up short. This is not a brag or boast, it just is how things are happening for me.
I guess I am writing this for all the sisters (and brothers) just starting their transition. It is natural to want to see results, to know things are working and to be impatient with the process. I am older. I led a rough life with military service and hyper masculine activities which have left their marks. Yet for that, 1 year on HRT has erased a lot of that and now I can be seen as I wish. I was told a few years ago to take the surgeries and things slowly and allow hormones a chance to set the stage. I had early plans for FFS and BA. One sister in particular asked me to look at our friends that have been on HRT for 3 to 4 years...they are ALL seen as female regardless of surgery or hair style or whatever. HRT alone has made such profound change that any work is simply an elective and not a necessity.
So in my story there is a tale of hope, but a cautionary tale as well. HRT, in transitional doses will change things for you. It will alter your appearance and behaviors given time. It will not magically transform you in to a woman, but it will change you. What it will do is change markers that most people use in identifying you as male or female. I have yet to think of a case among those I know where 3+ years on hormones did not change the game dramatically. It is good that I had people around me constantly applying a pacifying effect during my early stages. They urged me to wait and now that results are becoming more pronounced, I can only thank them whole-heartedly!
What we are achieving is truly life altering and profound. It is good to take time to enjoy each and every phase and step.
KK, enough of me rambling! Love to all of you!
