I'm so nervous...

[Nema]

Based on what I've read, I've found a therapist. I have their website page saved, so all I have to do is send an email or call...

This step is so hard for me! Making an appointment would be the first real step towards become myself, and it is very scary. I've never spoken to anyone about it, and to do it with someone I don't know will be a big challenge. Maybe talking to them will be easier than my friends or family.

I suppose I will just have to do it and find out. How did you overcome those feelings and just make an appointment?

[Dena]

The therapist won't hurt and after you get the first few lines out, everything will flow and you will be on your way. Just remember, if you don't like it, you are permitted to change your mind so there isn't anyway you can lose. Make the call and I suspect the evening after the appointment you will be telling us how great it was.

[DawnOday]

Based on what I've read, I've found a therapist. I have their website page saved, so all I have to do is send an email or call...

This step is so hard for me! Making an appointment would be the first real step towards become myself, and it is very scary. I've never spoken to anyone about it, and to do it with someone I don't know will be a big challenge. Maybe talking to them will be easier than my friends or family.

I suppose I will just have to do it and find out. How did you overcome those feelings and just make an appointment?

I put it off for over 30 years from the first time I went to a therapist. I was never able to reveal the real reason I was there instead saying I was stressed. End private therapy session, begin useless group therapy. I did this at least 6 times before I got the courage to address the situation. But I was ruining every loved one, every friend I ever had to anger and embarrassment  and finally withdrawal. Today everyone I care about has been informed of my transition. I have no more stress. Imagine that. Don't take a lifetime to decide. That is my advice.

[Steph Eigen]

The initial meeting with your therapist should be a pretty easy one, basically a non-threatening get-to-know-you encounter.  By definition, therapists are not confrontational or judgemental so this should not be an anxiety provoking visit.

Once you become established with your therapist and start getting into the substance of working through various problems and issues it can get tense.  This is rarely because of the therapist per se but due to the need to confront issues and make life changes.

Best of luck to you!  You are taking an important step forward.  Remember, the idea is to find the correct path for your life not to follow some standard protocol or routine. 

Steph

[Nema]

Hopefully, within the next few days, I'll be able to call and set an appointment. Thank you for your feedback. It really helps to hear it from ones who have already been through it.

I'll keep this post updated as I progress.

Thank you all!

[Megan.]

I've been exactly where you are. Pressing 'send' on that first email felt like huge leap, but it was one to a safe and accepting environment that I needed. Just remember you're not committing to anything, but giving yourself a chance to grow and understand yourself better. Good luck.

[Steph Eigen]

Yes, it's a "safe place."  I come to look forward to my therapy sessions each week.  It is the one place I feel I can speak entirely openly without qualification.  Even when it is genuinely work, difficult issues worked through, I still have something of a sense of relief after the session. 

[SammyGirl]

Nema I'm right there with you my first appointment is this Friday and I'm feeling both excitement and dread.  But I know that its finally time to face who I really am.  I just try and remember that other woman have sat in virtually countless other therapist's comfy chairs and thought it may take time have finally allowed the walls they have erected to keep their true selves hidden fall leaving a nervous but still proud woman standing among the rubble.  You will do fine and I wish you the all the best. 

[JoanneB]

Knowing all too painfully well that I needed HELP and my sucking it up or going it alone way of doing things has been an utter fail. Always was. Always will be. I had a lot of buggy firmware running in my kernel.

How to do it..... Leap of faith and knowing making that call, if even just to assess a potential therapist or group is a major step of you doing something for YOU. From the outside it is so easy to picture others thinking, "What's the big deal?" etc.. Well, it is a BIG deal. Self-esteem, self-worth, internalized transphonia, social and familial ostrication, all make it a big deal for us.

BTW - It took about a half dozen calls to various therapists before "Making an appointment" with a therapist that had more then a passing knowledge

[Steph Eigen]

Yes, Joanne makes an important point that all of us have been through what you are going through now and it is indeed a really big deal making that first call.

I finally got up the nerve to call the therapist I'd selected after about 2 weeks of languishing over the decision to call and initiate therapy.  I finally got up the nerve one day on my drive home from work.  I pulled off the road, made the call and talked with the therapist for about 20 minutes outlining my concerns and problems.  He was great on the phone, put me largely at ease from a starting point of just short of terror.  The terror returned when he suggested a first appointment about 4 days later.  Then the reality hit me and I experienced the mixed emotions SammyGirl describes.  It is scary but exciting.  It is the first step to making positive changes in your life.

Regardless of what path you ultimately choose, this is an important moment in your life; the first big step toward positive and important change.

Congratulations.  You've got a lot of people here who understand what you are feeling and the hopes and fears that accompany this event.

Steph

[Shinnok]

I've always had a hate towards therapy and counseling. It was hard to get over that to continue therapy after I started hormones, but she left the clinic and I stopped. Therapy isn't for me. But in the beginning I got over any self conflicting thoughts because I had my sights on starting hormones and I was willing to do anything to start on them. Now I have the choice to go to therapy or not.

The nervousness should pass once you have your first intake appointment. It gets easier with time..

[Pisces228]

I was terrified at my first therapy appointment.  I knew deep down I had to do something.  I am 27 and can remember gender dysphoria for the past 21 years.  But I was scared.  Going to therapy was a step that made dealing with it more real.  It was almost like I was admitting that I could no longer pretend that it didn't exist.  After the appointment my therapist said "you can run out the door if you want" jokingly since she could see how nervous I was.  You bet your butt I ran through that parking lot about to have a panic attack.  But you know what?  I did it.  I got home and breathed and realized I did it.  I took the first step to allow myself to live genuinely.  I took the first step to be alive.  Sessions have become increasingly more comfortable since then.  Taking the right steps isn't always easy or comfortable.

[LizK]

Hi Nema

I am sure you will be fine and taking that first step is important

Hey Sammygirl

I hope your therapy session goes well

I now look forward to my sessions although I must admit it gets to be more of a social chit chat than anything. I do remember the first session and I was so full of dread...this was to be my final attempt (in my confused head) to "sort this out" once and for all. But I knew what they were going to tell me, just like I knew at 19 the first time I sort therapy (shudders with memory) that I was "something" but not a "guy" and wanted to be a girl. Facing this head on at 52 was the toughest thing I have ever done and then to verbalise it to another human being...no way!!! But I did and now I am getting to a place in my life where I can be happy.

Therapy is hard...not doing therapy would have made things way harder for me. It helped deal with the guilt, anger depression and many other things.

I hope the therapy goes well for you both

Liz

[Reyes]

For me the finding a therapist and making appointments isn't so much the hard part, though my first try, well, there's another thread here that'll explain how it went. lol

What's difficult for me is the day before an appointment. Day of I'm fine and excited to go. But the day before I'm extremely stressed out and my nerves are basically making me feel horrid.

[yashika_1989]

Hi Nema,

I know how nervous you would be. I was too. But again, isn't it good that you would be a step closer. 1st therapy meeting is always perceived as a tough one. You got to explain each and every aspect of your feeling, why you wish to undergo such a difficult yet rewarding transition. At the same time I believe when you do that and look back at it, it gives immense strength, you are reminded why it is so important to you and boosts your will power to a great extent.

I wish you the best.

Yashika