Meet the parents

[Terra]

Hmm, in two weeks I get to meet my girlfriend's parents. Apparently she already told them she is in a lesbian relationship. But not the second part, that's my job. *gulp*

So now i'm trying to figure out how to do this. I have no doubt I could go the entire trip and not tell them anything. Saturday in the mall my girlfriend started to get mad at how many guys were checking me out. She calmed down when I pointed out that the woman they were staring at was staring at her. But even if I can pass, eventually they need to know. I really don't want her to be going through what I am with my own parents at the moment. If I already had the surgery I wouldn't even think of telling them, but since I don't...

Anyone else been in this situation?

[soldierjane]

Hmm, in two weeks I get to meet my girlfriend's parents. Apparently she already told them she is in a lesbian relationship. But not the second part, that's my job. *gulp*

So now i'm trying to figure out how to do this. I have no doubt I could go the entire trip and not tell them anything. Saturday in the mall my girlfriend started to get mad at how many guys were checking me out. She calmed down when I pointed out that the woman they were staring at was staring at her. But even if I can pass, eventually they need to know. I really don't want her to be going through what I am with my own parents at the moment. If I already had the surgery I wouldn't even think of telling them, but since I don't...

Anyone else been in this situation?

Do they really need to know now? I think you should better wait until your relationship with her is more cemented and they know you for who you are rather than for how you were born. Your trans status is a private matter which your gf and you share knowledge of and it won't improve your relationship with her parents for you to disclose it to them.

[Terra]

Do they really need to know now? I think you should better wait until your relationship with her is more cemented and they know you for who you are rather than for how you were born. Your trans status is a private matter which your gf and you share knowledge of and it won't improve your relationship with her parents for you to disclose it to them.

I'm not sure, her twin sister knows about me though. I'm not to keen on telling them, but I would appreciate and respect someone who did so if my position was reversed. Then again, I have a bit better appreciation of what such an admission would be like.

Ok, how about this, any advice on how to deal with my lesbian girlfriend's parents in general?

[soldierjane]

Do they really need to know now? I think you should better wait until your relationship with her is more cemented and they know you for who you are rather than for how you were born. Your trans status is a private matter which your gf and you share knowledge of and it won't improve your relationship with her parents for you to disclose it to them.

I'm not sure, her twin sister knows about me though. I'm not to keen on telling them, but I would appreciate and respect someone who did so if my position was reversed. Then again, I have a bit better appreciation of what such an admission would be like.

Ok, how about this, any advice on how to deal with my lesbian girlfriend's parents in general?

What you say is very noble, but while you count yourself as someone that would be open minded, would understand what it's all about and would have no problem with your trans lesbian daughter's girlfriend, most cisgendered people aren't like that. They just found out their daughter identifies as lesbian and they need time to deal with it also, bear in mind this will limit their goodwill towards your situation.


As for general advice: It depends on the type of in-laws but in general just be friendly and yourself while keeping the respectful distance that in-laws like so much and which spells "good upbringing" .

[Terra]

Ugh, well at the last second the parents decided that it would not be the best time for me to come up. So basically I asked for a week off from work for nothing. Their reason for the sudden reversal was 'family issues', which means that her sis and parents are going to be on her case for dating another woman.

Ugh, why do parents play these games with their kids? *sighs* Well, i'll see how she fares after she gets back next weekend. Doubt she will dump me after this trip, but her parents control her life, especially her medical coverage which she needs.

So yeah, I don't like her parents, mine and her's don't like me. So a good rule of thumb for me apparently is...avoid parents.