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did you ever felt like that?!

Started by pheonix, October 30, 2016, 06:55:21 PM

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pheonix

I Will start testosterone soon and i'm so happy of course...now everybody treat me as the person i'm...my family , my girlfriend and everyone else are using the right pronous and treat me as any other man and that's great...the thing is i don't know who i'm...i mean i know i'm a man this is my real gender ..but i don't know what kind of man i'm...i don't know me i feel lost...people treated me bad all my life...no one ever treat me as a guy and  the nice one of them treat me as a lesbian...i don't know what kind of guys i'm ...i didn't live my childhood i never was that litte boy that his dad teach him how to act as a man or how to talk ...i spent all my life fighting to be me or hiding from people so they dont judge me...and now when i'm free i find my self asking me who i'm most of the time but there is no answer...i feel empty.....most of time people tell me that i'm so wierd or i sound like i came from an other time...i dont know how to act or what to do..i feel i was dead and i just reborn again ...i'm not sure if you guys understand me or no... i hope someone here felt the same.(sorry for my english btw)
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Elis

Same here. I feel adrift. I just started a new job for the first time as just myself and have no idea how to talk or be around the guys. So I just stay introverted. I think all trans guys and trans women go through this. We're socialised from birth to be with one gender and suddenly we can't do that anymore so we're left kinda clueless. I think as well as waiting 5 yrs for male puberty to develop throughout that time we also learn how to socialise better with our own gender. It'll happen just have to be patient.
They/them pronouns preferred.



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Amanda_Combs

I can only give you this advice based on my own experience.  My dad wasn't present until I was an adult.  But in spite of his absense as well as my gender identity being female, I learned to be be a man.  I'm so good at it, after years of practice, friends I'm out to always tell me that I still seem like a guy.  They're not being intolerant or anything, they just can't tell how female I'm being because I was being a man so much for so long that it's still their impression of me.  But if you identify as male, and think of yourself as a man, and you're clear about that, people will treat you like a man and it will come naturally as long as you're being yourself.  That's how I deal with feeling unequipped to be female, I just remember how unpleasant really trying to be masculine was, and I just do whatever I feel... the results are very feminine. 


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pheonix


Offline Amanda_Combs First thankx for the reply...and no nobody said i sound or act like a female i never heard that actually... when people say i sound or act wierd they dont mean i'm girly or something... NO ...they mean that men here don't act like that...i look and sound like a man...the problem is not people its about me...i don't know who i'm i dont mean my gender ofc i mean what kind of man i'm...most of the time i dont know what i have to do or to say cause i didnt live my life as a little boy then a teenage guy and an adult...cis people do have experiences in life and friends so they know how to act and how to talk ...i never was a part of the society cause i was just hiding from everyone...i hope u understand what i mean now..
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pheonix

Elis thank you for the reply bro....but do you mean that i will keep feeling like that till i start testosterone...cause i wil not start now till i travel ( after 1 year) ...so i will just keep feeling empty and lost till i start T !! ?
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Elis

Quote from: pheonix on October 31, 2016, 06:55:46 AM
Elis thank you for the reply bro....but do you mean that i will keep feeling like that till i start testosterone...cause i wil not start now till i travel ( after 1 year) ...so i will just keep feeling empty and lost till i start T !! ?

Not necessarily no;  sorry for worrying you. I meant on T it'll be easier to learn how to socialise with guys because you won't have to worry about them being weird around you; as they'll just assume you're cis and not trans so will simply treat you as another guy. Pre T ofc you can learn how to be around men if you choose to be friends with accepting cis men or trans men; but it's not as easy to find these two groups.
They/them pronouns preferred.



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Kylo

No, I have decided I will not change who I am internally for transition. The voice can drop, the facial hair can come in and all the rest of it, but I am going to continue being exactly who I am and not allow myself to feel intimidated by anyone or anything, including being considered "one of the guys" or conversely not longer being "one of the girls" (not that I ever felt like I was).

It's a conscious decision but the right one, I feel. And I'm aware being a loner by nature it may well consign me to continuing to be a loner, but I am beginning to believe that is just the way it is. One of the ways I suppose that I fail to feel intimidated by the prospect of being "reborn" into this role is that I don't really consider myself to be like most people, or seeking approval or validation. I know I'm not going to be trying to find my way into a particular community or group, I am not going to be seeking a girlfriend or a boyfriend, I am at that stage in life when I know exactly what I want from it and how to get it. It doesn't really involve "other people" very much, and it is not going to revolve around them or what they think. 

I know exactly what I am on a basic self-constructed and sentient level and that is enough for me. Society may present new obstacles but I will deal with them the way I have always dealt with them.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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WorkingOnThomas

I didn't escape from one gender straightjacket just to buckle myself into another. I'm me, and I will always be me. Other people's expectations of how a man should act do not apply.
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WolfNightV4X1

#8
Oddly enough, it was the opposite for me. I used to be highly introverted because I didnt know anything about 'girl' culture, and I couldnt hang out with the guys as much because opposite sexes tend to attract, its not the same as a simple friendship. My friendships with girls where we ended up playing Id always add fantastical or other elements that more suited my tastes. I never played as the girls did very much. For that reason I was always very much alone and introverted, an anomaly.

Nowadays I find myself melding with guy culture, if I spent the day with a huge group of stereotypical guys Id probably be slightly lost, but in my older life I hung out with a mixed group of friends, a lot of them male, and it was the perfect blend.


Remember to imitate tone and words a lot, I started saying "dude, man, bro" a lot. A lot of parting greetings are things like "Thanks buddy, thanks man, take it easy", you'll be surprised how much an accurately placed "male" word is when placed in speech. The way you walk, stand, and sit is also a big tell...it might take practice to resocialize these, for example with me as a kid I used to sit with leg on knee and a kid told me "my dad sits like that", I was confused but I stopped doing that. I ended up doing the feminine crossing my legs for years. When I realized I was transgender I started going back to the old posture, the weirdest thing is it started out physically uncomfortable, which was odd! But after doing it awhile it started to feel comfortable and natural. So in the end, learning how to be male takes a bit of habit forming. Study the males around you and make an effort to be that way, it may not be easy at first but in time it comes natural


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